I Decided to Read It… November 30, 2012

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Having some time on my hands, I stopped off in the parking lot of a Food Lion Grocery Store and chose to enjoy doing a little reading.

While sitting there helplessly in my van, I was approached by two fellows walking through the parking lot, peering for potential prospects. I thought they would want some money, so I reached for my wallet, rolled down my window and discovered that instead of being homeless, they were out trying to find the “churchless.”

They explained that they were concerned for my soul. It was interesting that they didn’t even inquire how my soul was doing. Apparently they could tell by looking at me that I was  lost. They handed me some literature–without a smile–and invited me out to their church, which had some Old Testament name which included a salute to a minor prophet. They went on their way.

Normally, I stuff such information into a glove compartment to rediscover it six months later during a thorough cleaning of the van. But I decided to read it. There were seven things that this particular gospel tract wanted me to know.

1. I am a sinner.
2. I am presently going to hell.
3. Jesus came to die for my sins.
4. Without his blood, I am disgusting in God’s eyes.
5. But if I accept Jesus, I can receive eternal life.
6. Then I should go to church and worship God.
7. And give my tithe to the church as evidence of my faith.

Forgive me. I was unimpressed.

The offer was not very satisfying–mainly because it wasn’t on point with any of my dreams and desires. So I came up with my own format for a gospel tract. See if you like it.

1. I want to do better. (I don’t think I’m alone here…)
2. I want to prosper. (I know I’m not alone there…)
3. I want to give everybody a chance. (I may have just lost a few travelers…)
4. I really want to learn what’s right. (Several more deserters…)
5. I want to honor God by loving people. (May be getting down to a party of five but still get the egg roll….)
6. I want to start heaven now and let God surprise me with His rendition. (Renewed interest from the gallery…)
7. I want to have fun doing it. (I just got my crowd back!)

I don’t begrudge anyone their faith. It’s just that I believe faith shouldn’t look like you just came from the dentist and discovered that Walgreen’s is completely out of the pain medication you were prescribed.

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity