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Here I am again. Another Sunday sitting in my pew. I am not alone, but not everyone is here, not even everyone I love or those of my own family. They have given up on the idea. I do not hate them because they have deserted the cause. I understand.
Even though I believe in God, I comprehend doubt. Why? Because I have doubts of my own. Sometimes the stories of the Bible sound like stories–you know what I mean? There are moments when Jonah and the Whale resembles Jack and the Beanstalk, which makes me contemplate whether I am dumb for believing or the world is dumb for denying.
Hymns don’t always make sense. Bible readings come crashing to my ears like colliding syllables jumbled together without ever forming words. Where do my prayers go? Are they heard, answered or just therapeutic–to make me and all beseechers feel better for a minute or two?
Now, I don’t feel this way all the time. Sometimes my heart is full of spirit and my mind soaks up a gentle truth. But on other occasions, I feel silly in one moment and then ashamed of my doubt in the next.
What is real? I certainly know that we can’t go on living in a world where we hate each other. Politics doesn’t help. Psychology is a band-aid. Entertainment adds to the confusion. Also, goodness is essential, but not natural. Selfishness is our normal profile. So I guess if I can turn myself into someone who cuts slack to my brothers and sisters, I become valuable.
And then there’s this “after death” stuff. Even if heaven doesn’t end up being heavenly, earth needs heaven to keep from becoming hell. Yes, I require a Father and a Creator or I stop chasing dreams and settle in for defeat. So I am here, perched in my pew–assigned seating for the heavenly bus.
I don’t know everything. I’m not always sure. I am not ready to argue the Bible with anyone. It’s just that life without a pew?
Well, it really stinks.
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Jonathon’s thinking–every day–in a sentence or two …
Jonathots, Jr.!
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