Jesonian: COPs (Part 1)… May 31st, 2015

   Jonathots Daily Blog

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Stuck in a room with the fading scent of Wizard air freshener, competing with the growing aroma of many fellow-humans who found themselves waiting, becoming bored with their circumstances, somebody brought up the subject of death, which quickly led to a discussion on heaven and hell.

Even though we were all mortals and no one had a supernal insight, the conversation eventually fell into two definitive categories.

There were those who only believed in heaven.

These folks had a vision of all of us being some sort of “danielsons,” who had been “waxing on and waxing off” for many years, who suddenly discover that the expensive antique car we had been brutalizing with our amateur efforts becomes ours as the “Great Miyagi in the Sky” tosses the keys in our direction.

There is no explanation for the generosity or evidence of deservedness, but all the parties holding this view universally agreed that we all get a Jaguar as a certificate of participation.

Then there was the other family of Darwins who put forth the theory that heaven would be “streets of gold” whether or not we prefer rubies or emeralds. And there will certainly be a Lake of Fire since the Good Book mentions the bad thing.

None of them were clear what this fiery body would be like or where this 10,001st lake would be located in Minnesota, but they were vehemently positive that a lot of folks were going to burn.

I became frightened–not over the responsibility of holding the title to a $250,000 car, or of burning off my fat calories in a whole new spark, but rather, because they began to glance my way to see if I would contribute my insights.

I tried to prevent thoughts from popping into my mind lest a giant “Stay Puft Marshmallow Man” would begin to chase me across the Milky Way.

You see, it’s not that I’m devoid of imagination.

It’s not that I’m in disbelief of eternal life.

It’s just that it amazes me that we feel that the God of the Universe would be limited to ideas coming from John the Revelator, Himbo the Hindu, Alan the Atheist and Walt the Disney.

Did it ever occur to anyone that all the possibilities we discuss might have some vein of validity, plus a couple of billion more that a creative genius might come up with?

But one thing is fairly certain: there will be no COPs.

No Certificates of Participation.

We will not merely stand in line to receive an inexpensive diploma printed by the Angel Gabriel at the last moment from Kinko’s, and march in together with our vanilla lives to live vacuous existences in a creamy-dreamy afterlife.

I remained silent during the discussion, which caused half the room to think I agreed with them, and the other half to assume I was a heathen.

Only one phrase came to my mind during this vigorous, sweaty exercise in futility–the words of Jesus, the founder of the Jesonian way of thinking.

“I go to prepare a place for you.”

Since as far as I know, Jesus is the only one who owns full citizenship to both Earth and Heaven, I choose to place great credence in his gravitas.

• Where is he going?
• What is he preparing?
• And what in the heavens–literally–does he mean by “a place for me?”

More coming in Part 2. 

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Confessing… May 30th, 2015

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I confess so I can heal.

If I deny, I remain sick.

It was the rage.

Many years ago in a galaxy not far away–matter of fact, right here–folks started trying to do presumptuous things in an attempt to prove they had great faith.

I was just a young man, and susceptible to suggestion, since I already had a bit of the seed of naughtiness sown in my heart.

So when I heard these people of faith proclaiming different ways to achieve success by believing that God “was going to take care of everything,” I leaped in with both feet–my wallet open.

I was particularly drawn to the story of one man who said he wrote a check on Friday from his back account where he had no funds, believing that by Monday, when the check would normally come in and bounce merrily, God would provide the money.

Of course, in his story there was a super-fabulous intervention of finance, which protected him from a bank error “not in his favor.”

So I decided to try it. Coming up short on my rent and groceries, I wrote a check for cash on Friday at the local IGA, bought my groceries and pleased my landlord, and then sat back, waiting for intervention from my “Investor which art in heaven.”

It never came.

So fearing I was going to have a check arrive in my bank with non-sufficient funds, I went out and wrote another check for cash to deposit in my account, to buy me two or three days, and to avoid embarrassment.

Needless to say, that check was not covered either, so I launched on a calamity of financial danger, which eventually led me to open up another bank account so that I could more easily cover my checks, which were now flying wildly through the air.

Of course, each time I wrote a check, I had a little bit more need, so the amount grew and grew.

Actually, I was rather self-satisfied with the solution I had arrived at to handle my personal indebtedness. But when I privately shared it with a friend, he explained that what I was doing was illegal. He told me it was called “kiting.”

I was frightened by the word “illegal,” but that didn’t stop me for another two or three weeks.

Finally, breathlessly, my conscience caught up with my ego, and I realized I needed to stop this craziness.

So I ceased, which immediately caused seven checks to bounce–all of them at the doorstep of my local, kind IGA manager.

The total was $3,453.

He was not nearly as angry as he was terrified about what he was going to do with this deficit. It was completely within his rights to call the police and have me arrested.

He didn’t.

I told him I would pay it off. It took six months of concentration, hard work and the kindness of friends to get me out of the pickle caused by my false faith.

Now that 40 years have passed, I wonder if any of that presumption is still left in my soul.  Am I still looking for God to take care of all my problems, instead of allowing Him to provide the wisdom and strength to help me through them?

I hope I learned from that lesson.

I hope I realize that the best way to prove my faith is not by exaggerating my need, but by simplifying my life, becoming more generous and using the talents God has given me… to acquire a wage.

 

 

 

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G-Poppers… May 29th, 2015

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He yelled at her.

Yes, G-Pop rebuked his teenage granddaughter because she failed to attend one of his performances when he was passing through the area.

She was offended.

To a certain degree, that made him even more angry, though he understood her predicament. From her perspective, she was young and he was old.

There was a danger that the “old” would link up with “fashioned” to make him completely unacceptable to her lifestyle.

Old-fashioned.

Why would she want to go out and see something old-fashioned or invite her friends to it? He understood.

It is the fear of every generation–that on their journey they would accidentally haul along pieces of their parents, which might classify them as completely out of step with new-fangled conclusions. She did not understand that G-Pop was fully aware of the dangers of being old-fashioned.

The true definition of old-fashioned is clinging to things you used to do even though they have proven to be ineffective, simply because you’ve grown accustomed to a certain way.

But in the world of reality, a prophet is a wise soul who studies history, then carefully predicts when it will repeat itself.

To always be current is to understand and deal with five important questions:

1. Does it take away freedom?

If it does, it won’t last very long.

2. Does it take away life?

Whatever kills eventually assassinates. In other words, if you limit or destroy life, you will be the final victim.

3. Does it take away faith?

As intriguing as it may be to shake your fist at the heavens, events will come your way which produce the need to lift your hands.

4. Does it take away equality?

Yes, it’s cute to talk about how men and women are ill-suited to one another, but since we share a planet, eventually we will have to learn to get along.

5. Does it take away motivation?

Listening to an interview with Howard Stern and the comedian, Louis C. K., both of them pointed out that smoking marijuana leaves people dull and disconnected. So even though there may be a rallying cry to legalize weed, it can never catch on, because the human race is–as advertised–actually a race.

G-Pop wished he could make his granddaughter understand, but popular ideas always show up in new, shiny boxes, failing to reveal … that they are recycled.

 

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Three Ways to Avoid War… May 28th, 2015

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“War is hell.”

Actually, tracking down the origin of that quote is not very easy. Some people attribute it to General Sherman, from the Civil War. I think the people of Georgia would certainly agree that he brought the hell of war to their doorstep.

We have been programmed in this country to believe that to some extent, war is inevitable. We now have two holidays during the year when we commemorate those who have fallen in conflicts, and give them due honor.

Yet a voice of reason, insisting that war is to be avoided, is needed at this time in our history. It is not only patriotic, it is life-saving.

I will tell you–war is hell–whether fought in your living room, your work place, your church, your town, or nation against nation.

And there are three very strong profiles that can be taken to avoid war:

1. Don’t push your freedom.

If you have found something meaningful and beneficial to your life, don’t assume it’s your mission to evangelize it to the entire world–or even to insist that others are “lacking” because they don’t share your vision.

America does the world a disservice by contending that the seeds of democracy can be planted anywhere and grow a similar crop. It makes us come off as self-righteous.

In your own personal life, don’t insist that your principles are meant for general consumption. If people are interested in your philosophy or your freedom, they will let you know.

When you push your freedom, you incite war.

2. Don’t interfere in family arguments.

If you have two friends going through marital difficulties, don’t take sides. Matter of fact, refuse to–even if it initially makes them angry with you.

If you take sides and they reconcile, you will be the villain.

If they don’t reconcile, you have the opportunity to maintain relationship with both parties.

When will we finally understand that the situation in the Middle East is a family squabble? By taking sides, we deepen the conflict and increase the violence. We should stand prepared to support both sides–especially if they are working toward immediate reconciliation.

Taking sides increases the ferocity of the warfare.

3. Don’t let corporations dictate policy.

Corporations have one goal–to make money.

If corporations are deciding our foreign policy, then we are at the mercy of their bottom line instead of respecting the power of peace and keeping our free-standing army standing instead of falling.

The same thing is true in a family. Moms and Dads end up fighting with each other because they fall mercy to their bills, responsibilities and mortgages.

These are things you pay; they are not meant to prey on your sense of stability.

Corporations start wars to make money.

If you keep an eye on these three things you can avoid war.

So don’t force your freedom, take sides or let business decide policy. If you do this, you have a great chance to become a peace-maker.

Word has it…they are called the children of God.

 

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PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant… May 27th, 2015

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Allow Me a Chance

I know the world is full of guile

But please allow me a chance to smile

I am fully aware of the anguish and pain

Yet reflect I will on remaining sane

To continue to believe in the common good

I must pursue what I think I should

For joining the shouting of the angry mob

Makes me nasty, failing at my job

Yes, I have a life that I must live

Solitary to me, my soul to give

A breath of peace to the exhausted clan

Remaining faithful to the glorious plan

For love is the only essence divine

Understanding one another the heavenly sign

So please, some room, a little space

To share my gift with the human race

By refusing to hurl that initial stone

Let people live, yea, leave them alone

Unless they cry out for a bit of relief

Perchance they desire some fresh belief

Then humbly I share the little I know

Gently support them as they grow

Step away, you cynics, and jaded fearful

Placing sweet hope in visions more cheerful. 

 

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Cracked 5… May 26th, 2015

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Reasons to Watch a Baseball Game

 

A. The concert for “Watching Paint Dry” was all sold out.

 

B. Just informed by your doctor that you are lethally allergic to “peanuts and Crackerjack,” so you go to a Chicago Cubs game to end it all.

 

C. Billy filled up the swear jar with a multitude of profanities, so his mother sent him to a T-ball tournament at the park as an elaborate time-out.

 

D. You love to giggle when the announcer says, “Four balls gets the runner to first base!”

 

E. You are gay and like to see men wearing bloomers.

 

 

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The Alphabet of Us: Y is for You… May 25th, 2015

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All human beings possess a heart, soul, mind and strength. Nothing of any true significance can be achieved unless this is understood.

Y-O-U.

Or is it Why Owe You?

Here’s the truth. If you don’t find personal satisfaction in the reality of your own life, then your discontentment will trickle down to me whether I like it or not. So I have to ask you a question. Why owe you?

Why would you want to leave yourself absent of the qualities, necessities and feelings that create an atmosphere for happiness?

Why would you listen to a generation of naysayers who portray human life as complicated, festering with tribulation, instead of looking for solutions and avenues for completion?

Why do you owe yourself, instead of paying the debt which allows you to feel free of unnecessary naggings?

First of all, recognize the symptoms. Since we are heart, soul, mind and strength people, start with your heart:

How can you tell if you’re emotionally balanced, or if you owe yourself something?

The first symptom of “heart trouble” is always frustration. If you find yourself snapping at other people, honking in traffic or feeling overwhelmed by circumstances, then realize there is some desire or yearning which you’re ignoring because you either feel it’s unrealistic or undeserved.

Yes, frustration is the clue that you owe your emotions a gift.

How can you tell if you’re spiritually in debt?

Doubt. I’m not talking about the kind of doubt that creeps into all of us when encompassed by undesirable situations. I mean self-doubt which leads to human doubt, culminating in God-doubt–when the only spiritual thing you find yourself saying is, “What the hell?”

Moving along, when we are mentally short on funding for our ideas, confusion sets in.

There are folks who think they have the first signs of dementia simply because their brains are so cluttered with doubt and frustration from the heart and soul that they can’t get traction in their thinking.

Feel confused? You owe it to your brain to clear out the fog.

And finally, your body–your strength–shows that you’re indebted to yourself by the gnawing presence of procrastination.

“I’ll do it tomorrow.”

Will you feel better tomorrow? Or will you feel worse because you’re one more day delinquent.

Why owe you? Why do you allow yourself to be a day late and a dollar short in your own being?

It makes you dissatisfied and causes you to come across obnoxious to the world around you.

• If you’re frustrated, track down the unfulfilled desire in your emotions.
• If you’re struggling with doubt, simplify your beliefs until you can grab onto something and run with it.
• If you’re confused, realize that you have a traffic jam of frustration and doubt that prevents you from thinking straight.
• And if you find yourself procrastinating, realize that it’s the culmination of fear which makes you believe you can’t pull off your purposes.

You should always think about YOU.

When you don’t, you either try to become noble and end up with a persecution complex, or you become overly secretive and end up being diagnosed as neurotic.

 

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