Jonathots Daily Blog
My best girlfriend and I meet for lunch once a week. She is overweight and is on a diet–and she does seem to be losing some weight. But every time we eat out she orders huge meals and extravagant desserts. Every week. I don’t want to judge her. Should I say anything?
Your question is fascinating.
First, let’s start with some facts.
Every one of us has three different parts: the person we are born with, the person we are trained to be, and the person we decide to be.
You must understand, your girlfriend’s birth and circumstances are not the same as yours. And more than likely, her training does not duplicate the training you received.
I found some contradictions in your explanation. The truth of the matter is, your girlfriend is not on a diet if she’s ordering huge meals and extravagant desserts.
So I guess your question to me is, what do I do with a person who thinks she’s dieting, but who’s really acting out the elements of her birth and training?
The answer is really simple. You can do nothing.
Because until she decides to kick in the third part–her contribution–what she decides she wants to be–then all of your prodding, which you may deem to be encouragement, will only come across as criticism.
So you really need to ask yourself three questions:
- If my girlfriend has a metabolism which is going to keep her pretty plump, am I all right with that?
- If I’m not all right with that, am I prepared to walk away from the relationship to keep from harming her soul by my continual disapproval?
- And finally, if I decide to walk away, am I going to be able to find the attributes that drew me to this young lady with someone else in a thinner package?
Here are some of the stark realities regarding weight loss:
95% of the people who lose weight put it back on, usually with some additional. This should tell you that we do not have it figured out. When you take into account metabolism, digestion, training, appetite, and the human brain’s tendency to occasionally push things too far, we are probably a full generation away from a solution to obesity.
Will power only works for Will.
So what should you do in the moment?
Easy. Get a quiet space of time when you know her heart is open, and let her tell you what she feels about her weight instead of you telling her how much better she would be if she were smaller.
Once you hear her explanation, make a decision to stay with her if you can help, and leave her if you can’t.
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