Jonathots Daily Blog
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I am the mother of two boys, age 5 and 7. I got divorced four years ago. I am trying to bring my boys up to be Christian young men, but my ex-husband is not a Christian and lets them watch movies I don’t approve of and play all kinds of video games. But the court says he has visitation rights. What should I do?
You cannot approach a childish situation by trying to come up with an adult solution. Somehow or another, you have to transfer a childish situation into a child-like format. Otherwise, your children will start picking sides based upon the perks they get with visitation.
If Dad gives them more freedom to do what they want, then Dad will be the cool parent–until they get in trouble, and then you’ll be stuck with the bail ticket.
There are some key words in your question that bother me. The first one is “ex-husband.” You should probably cleanse your soul right now by ceasing to call this gentleman that you were married to at one time your “ex-husband.”
He was never a good husband or you would still be married to him. So you can call him the man you were married to at one time, the children’s father, or whatever respectful name you can come up with, which will prevent you from feeling that you still have a bond with him personally.
When your children are sure that you have moved on with your life, they will be less likely to play you guys against each other. (And yes, kids are much smarter about that kind of stuff than you would think.)
The second word that bothers me is “Christian.” Because of the perversions, misrepresentations and fanaticism that exists in our religious community, the word itself has become almost meaningless.
What you want to teach your young men is how to be honorable. Fortunately for you, that kind of insight is found in the teachings of Jesus.
So don’t make a stand about movies or video games, but instead, teach your sons how a woman should be treated, how they should respect other people’s rights, and mostly, they need to understand that the blessing of money comes from work.
When they value these three concepts, they will begin to make better decisions–even at this early age.
So don’t be so concerned about what’s going on during their visitation times, but rather, about the values held dear in your home.
Don’t take them to a church that preaches instead of provides. If the church in the United States is going to survive for another generation, it will have to stop preaching its doctrines and begin to provide an atmosphere where human beings can prosper and get along with each other, developing the kind of tolerance that teaches us to cease being judgmental.
Whether you like it or not, your children are part of two households. Yet it is virtually impossible for people who are divorced to come up with a parenting plan on which both agree.
Just make sure that when your sons are home with you they see principles that are not only taught, but are also honored by their mother. And keep in mind, since children think life is a game, maintain the joy and fun in the experience.
So in conclusion, you don’t have an ex-husband, you have a man you used to be married to.
And you’re not trying to raise “American Christians,” you’re bringing up two sons who need to respect their own bodies and the rights of others.
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