Cracked 5 … February 6th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3575)

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Upcoming Disney Movie Releases

 

A. FOG

(A beautiful princess finds herself trapped in a bank of fog which extends for hundreds of miles. She is befriended by a kind stranger whom she cannot see, who aids her to travel to clearer skies. The stranger ends up being a six-foot-tall lizard. He reaches out for appreciation and she screams in horror and runs back into the fog.)

 

B. WILLIE WEASEL

(Willie the Weasel, who has a great hunger to eat chickens, is guided to new understanding by Harriet the Hen, who teaches him the joy of the “voyage to vegan.”)

 

C. JELLY BELLY

(A host of angry jellyfish take over the ocean blue, scaring all the fishes in the sea until Petey, the Puff Fish, finds out they’re not really mean–just have very bad gas. Tums for all the jelly-bellies, and the maritime is at peace.)

 

D. STAR WERES

(Abandoned characters from Star Wars are living on the street, homeless, plotting how they can use The Force to get some bread.)

 

E. JO-JO BLACK AND THE SEVEN MORPHS

(Queen Jo-Jo Black from the ghetto hooks up with seven members of a gang–the Morphs–who can shape-change to rap tunes. Together they work to bring “good to the hood.”)

 

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