Cracked 5 … February 22nd, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

Some Complaints Heard from a Ventriloquist’s Dummy

 

A. “I feel like a husband.”

 

B. “Tired of coming out of the closet.”

 

C. “No one takes me seriously.”

 

D. “The name ‘dummy’ is hurtful.”

 

E. “If you’re gonna stick your hand up my ass, at least first buy me dinner.”

 

 

 


 

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Sit Down Comedy … February 21st, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

Counting Sheepish

I took a stroll

Through my soul

A worthy quest indeed

I do declare

‘Twas quite a scare

To stumble upon such greed

“Goddamn the Earth”

Of my natural birth

I am often heard to say

God forgive my weakness

Without the meekness

Of those who truly pray

For you are wrong

And don’t belong

In my tiny vision

But I can lie

And often cry

In the throes of indecision

My life is right

Yours a fright

I eat up all the grace

You must be contrite

And bring forth light

Or I’ll be in your face

Yet I made a start

In my heart

To be a kinder being

But my patience is thin

Exposes my sin

A blind man, never seeing

Able to be true

Through the Golden Rule

And escape the nasty scheme

A good report

For time is short

Living out a childlike dream

3 Things … February 20th, 2020

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You Can Do to Solve a Problem

1. Admit it is common

 

2. Isolate the part of the situation that is your responsibility and yours alone

 

3. Begin reconstruction right there

Drawing Attention … February 19th, 2020

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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A Rushing Mighty Wind

(tap the picture to see the video)

art by Clazzy

Music: Melting Snow from the symphony, Prima Vera

by Jonathan Richard Cring


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Scrambles … February 18th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Take a few minutes and unscramble this week’s inspirational thought from the words provided:

 

dark

rain

clouds

no

bring

but

sometimes

thunder

 

P. S.  Find the unscrambled answer in today’s jonathotsjr.com


 

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1 Thing You Can Do to Be Nicer to People

Stay away from folks when you’re in a bad mood.

The average time span for a bad mood is about three-and-a-half hours.

But if you happen to have your bad mood in front of other humans, the “forgiveness tour” you will have to go on to make amends for all the negative things you said could last days, weeks—maybe a lifetime.

If you get in one of these bad moods, run until you’re completely sure you’re alone. (“I think we’re alone now.”)

Then you can allow the foamy fussiness to seep out of all your pores.

The poison won’t affect anyone else.

And when you come back—even if you’re only slightly renewed—don’t be so foolish as to share your frustrations with others.

Just because your friends listen to you does not mean they don’t hate you for taking them on your roller-coaster ride to hell’s gates.

Bad mood? Stay alone.

Better mood? Text.

Mood improved? Slowly emerge.

Good mood? Bless someone.

Things I Learned from R. B.


Jonathots Daily Blog

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Episode 3

The next morning my phone rang at seven o’clock.

It was R. B.

With nearly a tear in his voice, he explained that he’d been up most of the night, worried about the money he would receive while traveling with the cast of the musical.

The producers had joined with me in giving to these student-actors, who would be performing the parts, thirty-five dollars a week plus all expenses. At the time, most traveling casts of this style were charging the participants for the privilege of traveling. But it felt right for us to offer the young humans a little money for their concerted efforts.

But R. B. was not satisfied with the base wage.

He explained his bills. Three times. He also shared that his father had taught him that being frugal and prudent with your money was the best way to stay happy, and free of both debt and interference from others.

He was about to tell me that he was going to bow out when some evil spirit of compromise jumped up in my soul and I said, “How about we give you seventy-five dollars a week? But please, don’t tell the other cast members.”

There were so many things wrong with that statement, I don’t know where to start. But whereas R. B. was worried about the money, I was concerned about filling all the cast slots, and was in no mood on this early morn to lose one of them.

He agreed—with just a hint of reluctance, to let me know that he was well worth the offer and more.

As I hung up the phone I thought, “Is this going to end up biting me in the ass?”

I knew it would.

But I thought some scrambled eggs and turkey sausage might sooth my nervous soul.

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