Cracked 5 … March 16th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3986)

Cracked 5

Statements That Should Be Compliments but Don’t End Up Being Very Complimentary

A.  “You have pretty good breath.”

 

B.  “Your high school picture is so cool.”

 

C.  “Your left breast is notably perkier than your right.”

 

D.  “You have done wonders with your old beat-up car.”

 

E.  “Your credit rating isn’t terrible anymore.”

Richard Baird Donate ButtonThe producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation for this inspirational opportunity 

 

Cracked 5 … March 9th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3979)

Cracked 5

What Actually Happens When a Lion Encounters a Lamb

A.  He actually eats him

 

B.  He sometimes chokes on the wool—while eating him

 

C.  Has to excuse himself for slurping—while eating the lamb

 

D.  Regrets not having mint jelly—during eating the lamb

 

E.  Forgets to say a word of grace

Snarling Lion

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Cracked 5 … March 2nd, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3972)

Cracked 5

Evidence That You Have Selected the Amish to Move You to Your New Home

 

A. Beards. Men and women.

 

B. They insist on building you a barn.

 

C. Loaf around watching the devil’s TV and eating “store-bought” cheese

 

D. Show up in a “Thou Haul” truck

 

E. You catch them blessing the toilet.

Amish Moving Company

 

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Cracked 5 … February 23rd, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3965)

Cracked 5

Surprising Revelations from the Mueller Report

 A. President Trump eats pizza with a fork because he has a deep affection for the fork

 

B.  He likes to watch Russians dressing

 

C.  His hair is real. Other things…not so much.

 

D.  The Trump Tower is actually a building.

 

E.  Donald Trump is the President of the United States.

The Mueller Report Cartoon

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Cracked 5 … February 16th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3958)

Cracked 5

Valentine’s Day gifts that are leftover because for some reason, they didn’t sell well

 

A.  A mega-20-pack pregnancy test

 

B.  A six-month gym membership

 

C.  Certificate for mole removal (limit 2)

 

D.  Magical potion to eliminate halitosis

 

E.  Four weeks of lessons on pole dancing at “The Jumping Pussy Strip Club”

Valentine's Day Naked Man

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Cracked 5 … February 9th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3951)

Cracked 5

Other Things Mueller Could Investigate

 A. Why the McRib mysteriously disappears from the McDonald’s menu from time to time.

 

 B. Where is that permanent record my high school principal said would be following me?

 

 C. Why are there still clowns and mimes?

 

 D. Where is rock ’n roll?

 

 E. An ancient quandary—why are Trix just for kids?

Robert Mueller


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Cracked 5 … February 2nd, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3944)

Cracked 5

Things That January Is Known For

A. The vicious snowstorm of 1873

 

B. The blizzard of 1961

 

C. Record-breaking gym memberships

 

D. The ice storm of 1943

 

E.  A holiday honoring a man that most people under the age of forty have no idea who he is

Mad Snow Man


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