Cracked 5 … September 14th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4167)

Cracked 5

Things Not as Well Known About the Old Woman Who Lived in the Shoe

A. Hated the Pope because she couldn’t use birth control

 

 B. Was reported to children’s services by the young chick who lived in the hat

 

 C. Really, really wanted to give her children the boot

 

 D. Cleaned her house from heel to toe

 

 E. Kids had laces, but no braces

 

 

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Cracked 5 … September 7th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4160)

Cracked 5

Things That Happen to Teachers About Two Weeks After School Begins

 

A. Run out of other words for dumb

 

B.  Have shown their entire wardrobe, including accessories

 

C.  Devoid of nice things to say about cafeteria food

 

D.  Want to personally strangle all new teachers who just got out of college

 

E.  Finding ways to punk students without getting exposed

 

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Cracked 5 … August 31st, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4153)

Cracked 5

Funny things you say to your eye doctor, but he is too serious, so you try to explain the joke and it really bombs.

 

A.  He says, “How are you?”

     You say, “We shall SEE.”

 

B.  You say, “The top letter looks like a B—but I guess it could be an E.”

 

C.  You say, “If I’m going blind can I get one of those cool dogs?”

 

D.  You keep answering his questions by saying, “Outta Sight!” or “Far out!”

 

E.  You tell him that your right eye is offending you so you would like to pluck it out.

 

 

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Cracked 5 … August 24th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4146)

Cracked 5

Answers to the question, “Why Are We Here?”

A.  Why are we here? Really horny chimpanzees

 

B.  Why are we here? Needed a place for mentally retarded angels

 

C.  Why are we here? God is playing again

 

D.  Why are we here? ‘Over there’ didn’t allow fat, homely people

 

E.  Why are we here? To divide up in colors and kill each other

 

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Cracked 5 … August 17th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4139)

Cracked 5

Little Known Facts About the Life and Times of a Squirrel

 

A. Recovering from bird seed overdose

 

B.  Too nervous for petting zoo

 

C.  Hates being called a “rat with a fancy tail”

 

D.  Does all its shopping at a department store called Wal-Nuts*

 

E.  God damnit! I’m not squirrely!

 

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Cracked 5 … August 10th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4132)

Cracked 5

Unique Ways to Avoid Gun Violence

A.  Make simpler bombs

 

B.  Cut the price on knives

 

C.  Pay women to go out with losers

 

D.  Body armor for the entire nation

 

E.  Stop making fun of loving one another

 

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Cracked 5 … August 3rd, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4125)

Cracked 5

Car Names Which Just Never Caught On

A. The Ford Partridge

 

B. The Volkswagon Cockroach

 

C.  The Dodge Fart

 

D.  The Chevy El Burrito

 

 E.  The Pontiac Pansy

 

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