Cracked 5 … July 13th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4104)

Cracked 5

Things That God Almost Decided to Do Instead of Create the Earth

 A. Turn the Milky Way into the Snickers Galaxy

 

 B.  Make badminton crazy popular

 

 C.  Create smaller planets out of see-through farts

 

 D.  Get married and have “little angels”

 

 E.  Cure those damn sunspots

 

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Cracked 5 … July 6th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4098)

Cracked 5

What to Do with Leftover July 4th Crap

 A. Use remaining sparklers as nightlights in baby nursery

 

B. Use hamburger buns as mini-frisbees

 

C. Set off firecrackers to frighten termites

 

D. Potato salad tacos!!

 

E. Argue politics with your neighbor, who noticed that the flag you hung up near your mailbox was not standard military design and size.

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Cracked 5 … June 29th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4091)

Cracked 5

Take-Aways from the First Two Democratic Debates

 A. Two grandpas, a grandma, a few curious uncles, some eccentric aunts and the rest of the little kids

 

B. Yelling isn’t selling

 

C. Not a party—more like an awkward family reunion

 

D. Self-promotion sure sounds like bragging

 

E. TRUMPED!!

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Cracked 5 … June 22nd, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4084)

Cracked 5

Problems that May Arise When Family Come to Visit

 

A.  Though demonic, the children can not be killed off like zombies.

 

B.  An empty toilet paper roll is not grounds for murder.

 

C.  Picky eaters don’t really ever pick.

 

D.  Lack of hot water removes your shower of blessings.

 

E.  Family never tip for services rendered but will gladly offer a poor review.

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Cracked 5 … June 15th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4077)

Cracked 5

Important Steps to Being a Good Father

A.  Don’t eat your children.

Cannibalism destroys their self-awareness.

 

B. Do wear pants to the dinner table.

The kids should enjoy their chicken instead of viewing your bird.

 

C.  Don’t murder their mother.

She smells better.

 

D.  Do pay the bills.

The little ones find it difficult to shower with Coca-Cola.

 

E.  Don’t make fun of the shape of their head.

Maybe they will grow into it.

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Cracked 5 … June 8th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(4070)

Cracked 5

Less Reported Happenings During President Trump’s Visit to England

 

A.  Meeting the Queen, the President requested “Bohemian Rhapsody”

 

B.  President thought “D-Day” meant “Donald Day”

 

C.  Yelled at limousine driver for driving on the wrong side of the road

 

D.  President offered to be their King since all they had was a Queen

 

E.  He was surprised that Liverpool had neither liver nor offered swimming

 

Donate ButtonThe producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation for this inspirational opportunity 

 

Cracked 5 … June 1st, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(4063)

Cracked 5

More Palatable Names Being Considered for Abortion

A.  Interruptus

 

B.  Unbirthday

 

C.  Fetussle

 

D.  Zygotit

 

E.  Clear-a-son


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