Cracked 5 … November 9th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4223)

Cracked 5

You Know You Are Poor When…

A. You go to the mark-down bins at the Dollar Store

 

B. You hope someone forgets a bag of groceries at the checkout so you can grab it, run to give it to them but instead, take it to your car and speed away

 

C. You wonder if you can reuse your toothpaste

 

D. You feed the dry skin from your elbows to your pet hamster

 

E. You tell your children that serial killers travel in ice cream trucks

 

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Cracked 5 … November 2nd, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4216)

Cracked 5

Lame, Scary Costumes Rejected by Everyone for Halloween

A. An IRS agent

 

B. Gonorrhea, dressed as a red, swollen penis

 

C. A muscular guy in a black t-shirt with the word “HOLY” written across his pecs in gold

 

D. Dressed as your girlfriend. (Not sweet—weird.)

 

E. Any costume you have to explain.

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Cracked 5 … October 26th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4209)

Cracked 5

Real Ways Women Are Different from Men

A. They don’t sit around considering why men are superior.

 

B. They stay home more because they have less paycheck.

 

C. They don’t babysit–they have children.

 

D. They rarely think about the size of a penis.

 

E. They don’t feel cramped—they have cramps.

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Cracked 5 … October 19th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4202)

Cracked 5

Reasons It’s a Bad Idea to Give College Athletes Money for Playing

 

A. They are still crazy-ass teenagers and will get stoned and kill themselves.

 

B. They will grab the dough, skip town and LMAO in the Caribbean

 

C. They will want a raise on Month Two

 

D. Their wrecked cars will be piling up in the dormitory parking lots

 

E. It’ll be difficult to figure out the 72 cents on the dollar to give to the females

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Cracked 5 … October 12th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4195)

Cracked 5

Really Horrible Ideas for Movie Plots Based on the Month of October

A. Octo-Beer: a researcher mysteriously discovers a cure for cancer, using beer from a German Octoberfest, only to have his data stolen by a jealous winery.

 

B. Octo-Puss: a cartoon cat discovers he was born with only eight of his nine lives. Will he find the lost life before it’s too late?

 

C. Octo-Schmocto: a hair-brained comedy about a rabbi from New York City who invents a Yamakah that massages your head while you wear it, stimulating brain activity. The problem? He must sell one million of the little hats before Halloween, or the loan sharks will come and kill him. Comedy ensues.

 

D. The Search for Green October: a climatologist attempts to extend summer into October by placing space heaters in the woods. His plans “Fall” short.

 

E. Octo-Bear: a man-eating grizzly roams the hills of Tennessee, killing White Supremacists. Is it because the bear is black? Is he funded?

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Cracked 5 … October 5th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4188)

Cracked 5

Best Excuses for Not Going to Church

A. Every time I drive by, your parking lot is full.

 

B. I have uncontrollable farting when I’m in public.

 

C. My dad was Jehovah’s Witness, my wife, Mormon, and my daughter is in final study of Wicca, to become a witch.

 

D. Do you have a nurse on site? I have seizures.

 

E. Listen, I’ll come—if first, you can help me pay my rent and gambling debts.

 

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Cracked 5 … September 28th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4181)

Cracked 5

Things a Traveling Rock Band Should Not Say at an Airport

A.  “Go stash your axe.”

B. “Guns and Roses.”

C. “Let’s go kill!”

D. “Where are we gonna crash?”

E.  “We bombed.”

 

 

 

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