Cracked 5 … January 12th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3923)

Cracked 5

Things We Should Build After the Border Wall

 A.  Grand Canyon 2—complete with bungee jumping

 

B.  Hamless ham sandwich with fake mustard and pickleless pickle

 

C.  A bridge between men and women (the penis doesn’t count)

 

D.  An official Highway to Hell

 

E.  The Berlin Wall—except prettier

Baby Trump


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Cracked 5 … January 5th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3916)

Cracked 5

Beautiful Aspects of Winter

 

 A.  The ecstasy of scraping ice off car windows

 

B.   Brings people together in four-or-five-car pile-ups

 

C.   Mittens turn hands into flippers

 

D.  Testing theory of “freezing balls off”

E.  Making snow women boobies

 

Winterscape


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Cracked 5 … December 29th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3909)

Cracked 5

Worst New Year’s Resolutions

 

A. Switch to wearing your sleeves on your feelings

B. Have entire family join a nudist colony

C. Give away charcoal drawings of Mohammed while visiting Mecca

D. Just for comedy, have penis reduction surgery

E. Increase the body count on your killing spree

 

New Year's Resolutions 2019

 

art by smarrttie panntts

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Cracked 5 … December 22nd, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3899)

Cracked 5

Much Less Popular Christmas Songs

A. “Have Yourself a Handle-Candle Hanukkah”

B. “The Kwanzaa Hustle (Do the Kwanzaa)”

C. “Feliz Never Did”

D. “Walkin’ in a Winter 34-Car Pile-Up”

E. “Santa Claus is Comin’ To Kill Ya”

 

art by smarrttie panntts

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Cracked 5 … December 15th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3886)

Cracked 5

Things to Do When They Start Singing “The Twelve Days of Christmas”

A.  Fake a heart attack

 

B.  Belch out “Five Golden Rings”

 

C.  Mess with the words so they send you out of the room

 

D.  Clap your hands like there’s a beat

 

E.  Vomit

art by smarrttie panntts

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Cracked 5 … December 8th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3879)

Cracked 5

Signs Santa is Depressed

A.  Burns his workout video

B.  Demands Rudolph get a nose job

C. Mocks the stupid letters he receives

D. More nog than egg

E. Puts things up high where the elves can’t reach them

 

depressed Santa

 

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Cracked 5 … December 1st, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3872)

Cracked 5

Things I Don’t Want for Christmas

 

A. Coffee cup with Grandpa Something-or-other on it

 

B. A gift card from a store I’ve never been to

 

C. Anything that needs an explanation

 

D. A Bible, no matter what translation

 

E. A gag gift. There’s a reason they call it “gag”

Christmas drawing

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