Cracked 5 … July 25th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4474)

Cracked 5

Delicate Ways to Alliteratively Describe Your Bowel Movements

 

1. Fulfilling and Fluffy

 

2. Slip-Sliding Away

 

3. Tight and Tender

 

4. Run, Run, Run, Run Runaway

 

5. A Farted Failure

Cracked 5 … July 11th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4460)

Cracked 5

Things That Don’t Seem Quite as Interesting Since the Arrival of the Pandemic

1. Virtual anything

 

2. A vacation from work

 

3. Halloween masks

 

4. Spending time with the fam

 

5. Home schooling

 

 

 

Cracked 5 … July 4th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4453)

Cracked 5

Ways to Have an Acceptable Covid-19 July 4th Celebration

1. Set fire to all your clothing that has been exposed to the virus and stand around the bonfire singing, “This Is My Country.”

 

2. Sparklers in the back yard—six feet apart.

 

3. Eat. Yes, eating is still legal.

 

4. Avoid watching “Independence Day,” since it’s an attack by an alien presence.

 

5. Walk to the corner and back, and upon returning cleanse yourself with a garden hose. Perhaps you could make it a family “hose-down.”

 

Cracked 5 … June 20th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4446)

Cracked 5

Circumstances are changing on us, so here is a new list of things we are looking for in a President:

 

A. Someone under 80, who thinks he or she is in their late 60’s and can do a single push-up to prove it.

 

B. An effeminate man. This way we don’t have to elect a woman.

 

C. A Democrat who is too lazy to change things or a Republican who is confused on what to change.

 

D. A professional liar who can occasionally delight and fool us.

 

E.  Having the ability to pretend as if he is listening to others.

 

 

Cracked 5 … June 6th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4425)

Cracked 5

Things That Abraham Lincoln Would Say If He Came to Our Country Today

 

A. “You haven’t figured out disease yet?”

 

B. “I thought I freed the slaves…”

 

C. (Looking at President Trump) “What’s with the hair?”

 

D. “What happened to my Republican Party?”

 

E. “S-h-h-h! Don’t tell my wife! I time travel!”

 

Cracked 5 … May 30th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4425)

Cracked 5

Really Obscure, Nearly Ancient References to June

 

A.  “Huntin’ for Junebugs”

 

B. “Honeymoon…Keep’a shinin’ in June”

 

C. Jewn: a little-used, anti-Semitic slur

 

D. June Cleaver, who was a trifle too flirty with Eddie Haskell

 

E. “June is bustin’ out all over”

 

Cracked 5 … May 9th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4406)

Cracked 5

Things That Can Be Done if There Is No Football Season

A. Have five guys sit around a room tossing a football until somebody drops it. Repeat.

 

B. The great “Nachos Off.” (No vegetarians, please.)

 

C. Watch re-runs of classic games and pretend you don’t know who wins.

 

D. Be absolutely thrilled that there was also no baseball season.

 

E. Turtle races on back patio. Loser makes soup.

 

 

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