Cracked 5 … June 20th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4446)

Cracked 5

Circumstances are changing on us, so here is a new list of things we are looking for in a President:

 

A. Someone under 80, who thinks he or she is in their late 60’s and can do a single push-up to prove it.

 

B. An effeminate man. This way we don’t have to elect a woman.

 

C. A Democrat who is too lazy to change things or a Republican who is confused on what to change.

 

D. A professional liar who can occasionally delight and fool us.

 

E.  Having the ability to pretend as if he is listening to others.

 

 

Cracked 5 … June 6th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4425)

Cracked 5

Things That Abraham Lincoln Would Say If He Came to Our Country Today

 

A. “You haven’t figured out disease yet?”

 

B. “I thought I freed the slaves…”

 

C. (Looking at President Trump) “What’s with the hair?”

 

D. “What happened to my Republican Party?”

 

E. “S-h-h-h! Don’t tell my wife! I time travel!”

 

Cracked 5 … May 30th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4425)

Cracked 5

Really Obscure, Nearly Ancient References to June

 

A.  “Huntin’ for Junebugs”

 

B. “Honeymoon…Keep’a shinin’ in June”

 

C. Jewn: a little-used, anti-Semitic slur

 

D. June Cleaver, who was a trifle too flirty with Eddie Haskell

 

E. “June is bustin’ out all over”

 

Cracked 5 … May 9th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4406)

Cracked 5

Things That Can Be Done if There Is No Football Season

A. Have five guys sit around a room tossing a football until somebody drops it. Repeat.

 

B. The great “Nachos Off.” (No vegetarians, please.)

 

C. Watch re-runs of classic games and pretend you don’t know who wins.

 

D. Be absolutely thrilled that there was also no baseball season.

 

E. Turtle races on back patio. Loser makes soup.

 

 

Cracked 5 … May 2nd, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4398)

Cracked 5

The Best “Last Words” You Can Say Before You Die

A.  “The treasure map is in the…”

 

B.  “You have always had really bad breath. All of you.”

 

C.  “I am coming back as a tarantula. Check your shoes and toilet seat…”

 

D. “I want to say something personal. You bored the hell out of me.”

 

E. “Finally. No diet plan.”

 

 

Cracked 5 … April 25th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4391)

Cracked 5

Reasons That Cauliflower Should Not be Put in Pizza Dough

A. It’s just naturally a little stinky, stinky, big-butt

 

B. Although white, it doesn’t seem to possess the “privilege”

 

C.  Just because it has “flower” in its name doesn’t really make it flour

 

D. People try to escape the taste by adding more fatty cheese and greasy sausage

 

E.   God is really pissed.

 

 

Cracked 5 … April 18th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4384)

Cracked 5

Items You May Need to Go Out and Deal with Bull

A. Crap detector

 

B. Red cape and a clown

 

C.  A bully

 

D. A bulldozer

 

E. Seductive pictures of cows – utter porn

 

 

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