Cracked 5 … April 17th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3645)

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Other segments and pieces of information that did not make the final edit of James Comey’s book, “A Higher Loyalty”

A.  It was formerly known as the “Federal Investigation Bureau,” but the acronym, F. I. B., seemed telling

 

B.  Although Comey is six feet, eight inches tall, he apparently cannot execute a “slam-dunk”

 

C.  It is amazing how many opinions Comey had that he failed to share with President Trump

 

D.  The publisher considered entitling Comey’s book, “Look at Me–I’m Important,” but settled for “A Higher Loyalty”

 

E.  Too tall, Comey was never able to go undercover–just cover-all

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Cracked 5 … April 10th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3638)

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Possible Reasons the Syrian Government is Killing Its Own People

A.  A unique approach to food shortages

 

B.  Chasing that record of six million Jews murdered by the Nazis

 

C.  “You always hurt the ones you love”

 

D.  SYRIA-OUSLY insane

 

E.  Expiration date coming up soon on poison gas cannisters

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Cracked 5 … April 3rd, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3631)

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Matters That Really Upset the Easter Bunny During This Holiday Celebration

A. The Lucky Car Dealership giving away a rabbit’s foot for good luck as a promotional benefit during “Hoppy Sales Week”

 

B. Obtuse and confusing parallels drawn by ministers and church youth leaders between the Easter Bunny and the Resurrection of Christ

 

C. Peeps voted “Best Easter Candy.” Damn those chicks.

 

D. Jokes about the Easter Bunny being a “basket case”

 

E. Politically correct individuals upset with the term “colored eggs” want to change it to “hue-enhanced eggs.”

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Cracked 5 … March 27th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3624)

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Other Meanings for the Phrase “March Madness”

A.  A growing anger over Nor’easter snow storms

 

B.  The frustration felt by raw recruits during basic training

 

C.  Hearing too much John Phillips Sousa in a five-day span

 

D.  Religious leaders killing off a loving messenger of healing

 

E.  A decision to trudge along with the depressed masses toward insanity 

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Cracked 5 … March 20th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3617)

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Typical Excuses Given for NOT Being Nice

A. Don’t want to finish last

 

B. Assaulted as a toddler by a “nice” nanny with strained asparagus

 

C. Smiling aggravates your migraines

 

D. Bit by a radioactive spider, making you “Snider Man”

 

E. Genetically predisposed: the “mean gene”

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Cracked 5 … March 13th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3610)

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Ways to Gain Back the Hour You Recently Lost From Springing Ahead for Daylight Savings Time

A. Don’t watch the anemic reboot of “American Idol”

 

B. Change your “hour of prayer” to a thirty-second summary

 

C. Drive faster

 

D. Skip foreplay

 

E. Be one hour late for everything until fall

 

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Cracked 5 … March 6th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3603)

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Things A Cowboy Really Wants

A. A soothing powder for chafing

 

B. A way to remember not to scratch his leg when wearing spurs

 

C. Indians that don’t insist on being called “Native Americans”

 

D. A quicker way to navigate a hoop skirt

 

E. To be a cowman

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