Cracked 5 … January 16th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3554)

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Different Ways the Networks Try to Disguise the Word “Shithole”

A.  *hi*ho**

 

B.  s****ol*

 

C.  **it*ol*

 

D.  s**t**le

 

E.  *******e

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Cracked 5 … January 9th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3547)

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When Asked “Who is Martin Luther King, Jr?” What the Average Twelve-Year-Old Answered

A.  “A hip-hop hopeful from the hood”

 

B.  “A guy who makes street signs named after him”

 

C.  “The world’s oldest Lutheran”

 

D.  “MLK–the most common misspelling of milk”

 

E.  “An American patriot and revolutionary leader in civil rights”

 

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Cracked 5 … January 2nd, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3540)

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  Really, Really, Really Insipid New Year’s Resolutions

A. “I resolve with all my heart to breathe more deeply.”

 

B. “I am determined this year to use less toilet tissue.”

 

C. “It is my great conviction to take this year to memorize my pin numbers.”

 

D. “My New Year’s resolution? Stop harassing women unless I’m sure they want to be harassed.”

 

E. “Cut calories by limiting my intake of fried cheese.”

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Cracked 5 … December 26th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3533)

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Presents That Were “Accidentally” Left Behind After Christmas Morning

A. “Start Your Own Beehive in Your Garage: 12 Easy Steps”

 

B. “Mr. Spock Reads Dr. Spock: Raising Kids the Vulcan Way”

 

C. “A Tub of Ant Butter and Willy-Worm Bread from African Missionaries”

 

D. “The Four Hoodie Sweatshirt–for the Man Who Likes Choices”

 

E. “Toiletries from the Holy Land: Smell Like a Prophet”

 

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Cracked 5 … December 19th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3526)

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Very Unusual Birthday Wishes

A. “Thought you were dead. Now that I know you’re alive, it gives me a chance to kill you.”

 

B. “I knew your mother. You could be my bastard.”

 

C. “We baked your birthday cake. Unfortunately, our dog, Fritzenrod, peed on it, so please don’t eat.”

 

D. “I was going to buy you a birthday present–then realized you were not that shallow.”

 

E. “The ancestors of John Wilkes Booth found out you had the same birthday as him. They changed his.

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Cracked 5 … December 12th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

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 If Amazon Sent a “Complete Christmas Package” for You and Me from Bethlehem.gov it would include:

A. One carton of the finest virgin olive oil from the Middle East

 

B. Three shepherd pies from the ovens of Scotland

 

C. The complete video series of The Three Stooges–lots of wise-crackin’ from the “stars”

 

D. Matching lambs-wool, angel-soft sweaters from Jerusalem International Fashion Gala

 

E. The latest book: “Nighttime Meditations for the True Seeker” by Joseph Carpenter

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Cracked 5 … December 5th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3512)

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Some people are offended by the religious implications of saying “Merry Christmas.” Here are five renditions they might find even more unsettling:

A. Happy B-Day, Baby J!

 

B. A baby shower for Mary and Joseph (bring a gift)

 

C. Save 50% at the Savior Birth Extravaganza!

 

D. Merry Manger Moments

 

E. Happy Jesus-mas

 

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