Cracked 5 … September 12th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4523)

Evidence the Latest Tell-All Book Has Told Too Much

 

A. Your mother is quoting from it.

 

B. Top rock and roll band is using it for lyrics.

 

C. Dammit, you can’t help yourself. You have read it twice.

 

D. Yet you are pleased that Harrison Ford might play you in the movie.

 

E. It’s a guarantee that you will get both the sympathy and the pathetic vote.

 

 

 

 

Cracked 5 … August 8th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4488)

Names Used by the Amish When Referring to the Female Vagina

 

1. Grassy Knoll

 

2.  Muffin

 

3. Barn Raiser

 

4. Vag-ta-ble

 

5. Fertilla

 

 

Cracked 5 … June 27th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4453)

Ideas Being Considered to Replace Football This Fall

1. Start a war, wear jerseys, keep score (televised)

 

2. Duck shooting from Clint Eastwood’s back porch (jerseys, scoring and televised)

 

3. Reruns of last year’s games—but dramatically change the endings

 

4. Watch the local feed for your church service and bet on sinners (jerseys and scoring)

 

5. Wife Swapping U.S.A. (no jerseys, televised and scoring)

 

Cracked 5 … May 23rd, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4418)

Great Ideas for This Year’s Graduates

 

A. Stand six feet apart and shoot off fireworks.

 

B. Have your diploma driven by your house in a convertible, displayed by a sorority girl.

 

C. Laugh, and call yourselves “The Classless of 2020.”

 

D. Make sure to quarantine your diploma for two weeks until it’s safe to handle.

 

E. Formal mask and gown

 

 

Cracked 5 … November 3rd, 2018

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Jonathots Daily Blog

(3845)

The Main Reasons for the Existence of the Month of November

A. Purging turkeys

 

B. Including dressing and cranberry sauce into family squabbles

 

C. Overwrought arguments about Christmas

 

D. Evidence that all leaves will not be raked

 

E.  Rhymes with “September” in the 30-day song

 

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation for this inspirational opportunity

 

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Click the elephant to see what he’s reading!

 

Cracked 5 … October 27th, 2018

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Jonathots Daily Blog

(3838)

Reasons the ladies on “The View” might give for how being a prostitute empowers women:

A. Being a prostitute frees up daytime hours to go to the clinic

 

B. Proof that penis size doesn’t matter

 

C. Flashy clothes

 

D. Education in the court system

 

E. Simplifies things–all men are named “John”

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation for this inspirational opportunity

 

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Click the elephant to see what he’s reading!

 

Cracked 5 … October 20th, 2018

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Jonathots Daily Blog

(3831)

Real Reasons the Leaves Fall

 

A. Scandal

 

B. Wilted by unappreciation

 

C. Not ashamed to show their limbs

 

D. To get grounded in the Earth

 

E.  It’s Autumn, dummy

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation for this inspirational opportunity

 

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Click the elephant to see what he’s reading!