Cracked 5 … September 15th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3796)

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Signs that the Summer is Over

A. Your fifth batch of pool toys is officially deflated

 

B. Flip-flops are marked down

 

C. It’s colder

 

D. High school cheerleaders go back on the pill

 

E. Christmas decorations

end of summer

 

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Cracked 5 … September 8th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3789)

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Signs Your Staff Might Have Turned Against You

A. Those scamps have hidden your pens and paper clips

 

B. Secretary brings morning cup of warm piss

 

C. Readily resuming resumés

 

D. Muffled giggling when you walk away

 

E. Have New York Times on speed dial

 

Donald Trump Anonymous OpEd

 

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Cracked 5 … September 1st, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3782)

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Absolutely Fascinating Ways to Mangle Famous Sayings, Phrases or Quotations

 

A. What your country can do for you? DON’T ASK!

 

B. Fourscore and seven were scoreless

 

C. For God so hated the world…

 

D. Make America grape again.

 

E. Black Lives Mutter

 

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Cracked 5 … August 21st, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3771)

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Reasons Given for Not Attending Church

 

A. Too much gluten in the communion wafer

 

B. Don’t like heaven, nor favor hell

 

C. PEW-trification

 

D. Allergic to sermons

 

E. The choir is white–REALLY white.

 

 

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Cracked 5 … August 14th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3765)

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Since the mustache continues to persist (like the flu) here are some types to be looking out for:


The Bushy Broom

(Sweepin’ those gals off their feet)


The Magic Marker

(Probably put on with a magic marker)


The Caterpillar

(Creepy, with no possibility of turning into a butterfly)


The Dictator

(Will all hairs please report to the middle of the lip?)


The Sparse Farce

(Time to face it. You can’t grow a mustache)

 

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Cracked 5 … August 7th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3758)

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Plans, Schemes and Promotions Organized by Vegetables to Help Promote Their Brand

A. Hail a Cabbage!

 

B. Lettuce Love One Another

 

C. Broccoli–Never Grew On Bush (George Herbert 41)

 

D. Caul-i-flower Bouquet

 

E. Corn–We’re All Ears

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Cracked 5 … July 31st, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3751)

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What We Have Learned This Year About Porn Stars

A. They are called stars without doing great or being known

 

B. They take hush money but don’t hush

 

C. They have colorful names–and STDs

 

D. They bonk and tell

 

E. A strong return to the word “allegedly”

 

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