Cracked 5 … August 15th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3399)

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Things Billy Joe McCrow Packed for His Weekend Rally with the Klan in Charlottesville, Virginia

A. Stars and Stripes boxers

 

B. Hair gel for his chest and back

 

C. Song book: “The Ku Klux White Album”

 

D. His “I’m part of the Super Race” T-shirt

 

E. “God Bless America” pasties for his exotic dancer girlfriend, Frieda

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Cracked 5 … August 8th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3392)

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Things a Pirate Might Bring or Wear to a Church Service

A.  2 eye patches (to eliminate lust altogether)

 

B.  His “Holey Bible,” which slides easily onto his hook

 

C.  A cross to replace the peg in his leg

 

D.  A “prayer rat” instead of his usual parrot

 

E.  A praise bandana

 

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Cracked 5 … August 1st, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3385)

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Creepy Things Your Mom and Dad Say When They Walk Up, Trying to Be Cool, and You’re Hanging Out With Your Friends

A. “Had a bowel dissected last week. Went well, though.”

 

B. “They said the clog in the tube was the largest one they’d ever seen–dark and gritty.”

 

C. “Funny thing–the nurse had the same operation last year, but they had to pump her for an hour.”

 

D. “I watched so much television I finally caught an interview with Kim Kardashian. She really does have a big butt. Smart–but a whopper backside.”

 

E. “Listen, kids–eat more fiber. My doctor said it will save you from walkin’ around with a bag hangin’ off your belt.”

 

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Cracked 5 … July 25th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3378)

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 Reasons That Some People Escape a Tornado

A. Lightning rods, garlic wreaths and the fact that no rotating winds came in their direction

 

B. They don’t live in a mobile home park

 

C. Deep intercessory prayer and also that no rotating winds came in their direction

 

D. They got struck by a cyclone because they live south of the equator

 

E. It just flat-out missed them

 

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Cracked 5 … July 17th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3371)

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Other Than the Traditional Transforming of Adam’s Rib, Different Things That God Considered Using in Making Woman

A. Turtle dove tears

 

B. Sugar, spice and everything with a price

 

C. Hairspray and bolts

 

D. Cadbury chocolate Easter eggs

 

E. Jawbone of an ass

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Cracked 5 … July 11th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3364)

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 Brief Conversations Between a Dog and a Cat

A.

Dog: Your hairballs make me puke.

Cat: Good. Then you’ll have something to slurp up.

B.

Cat: Your ears droop like they’re dead.

Dog: I can wag my tail!

C.

Dog: I run in the park.

Cat: I own the house.

D.

Dog: I am man’s best friend.

Cat: I am a woman’s revenge.

E.

Dog: I am good. I poop in the yard.

Cat: I am better. I poop in the house and convince them they can’t smell it.

 

 

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Cracked 5 … July 4th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3357)

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Some Other Ways to “Fire” a Cracker

A.  A lovely hummus laced with jalapenos to spread lightly over a crispy saltine. Ole!

 

B.  “Billy Bob, we can’ts use yous here at the feed store no more.”

 

C.  A blow torch. Not too close–to avoid scorching the wafer.

 

D.  Finely ground cracker crumbs packed into a bullet casing and discharged from a .22 caliber pistol–known as “Ritz Blitz.”

 

E.  Some folks would say: impeachment.

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