Cracked 5 … June 20th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

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Five Father’s Day Gifts That Will Never Make It Out of the Box

A.  A “make your own” beef jerky kit

 

B.  A book entitled, “Finding the Mommy in your Daddyhood”

 

C.  A week’s membership at the “Him Gym”

 

D.  A bow tie–ANY bow tie

 

E.  An app with replacement words for cussing

 

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Published in: on June 20, 2017 at 2:34 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Cracked 5 … June 13th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

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Five Reasons Your Dentist Should Not Double as Your Gynecologist

A. He is accustomed to pulling things

 

B. Proficient with drills

 

C. He gets his face a little close to his work

 

D. He is always looking for teeth

 

E. Just the wrong kind of  cavity

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Published in: on June 13, 2017 at 1:32 pm  Comments (1)  
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Cracked 5 … June 6th, 2017


Jonathots Daily Blog

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Five Things You Should Always Consider When Interviewing for a Job

A.  Don’t say anything that could be misconstrued as a racist or sexist slur

 

B.  Don’t mock or bully other people who are also applying for the same position.

 

C.  Be humble as you tout your accomplishments (even if you built something)

 

D.  Don’t exaggerate, brag, intimidate, create false statistics or fake facts (This is a HUGE mistake)

 

E.  Establish yourself as a team player–don’t take credit for everything

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Cracked 5 … May 30th, 2017


 Jonathots Daily Blog

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What the Fellow Did With His Collection of Hats After Discovering That His Hair Had Miraculously Started Growing Again

A.  Gave them to miracle-deprived, hairless hombres

 

B.  Used the hats in the bucket brigade to put out fires

 

C.  Made a great condom dispenser next to his bed

 

D.  Trimmed the hats to fit on the heads of frustrated bald eagles

 

E.  Ran through the meadow with a hat in hand, high in the air, gathering love vibrations from butterflies and bees, to present to his easily impressed young niece

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Cracked 5 … May 23rd, 2017


 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Reasons for the Existence of Reese’s Pieces

 

A. M & M’s not available for 100 miles

 

B. Actually, little turds from peanut butter rabbits

 

C. Weird people like and eat weird things

 

D. Poor shipping

 

E. Reese’s cups got stale

 

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Cracked 5 … May 16th, 2017

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Other Names Considered for Jesus (and also the ones who proposed the “handle”)

 

A. Temple Tumbler–presented by the sarcastic Pharisees after Jesus “turned the tables” on them.

 

B. Winey Boy–a quickly devised name by some very drunken souls in Cana who suddenly found themselves slurping a burgundy made out of water

 

C. Jim Bay Luben–a proposal by the Southern Galilean Baptists, who were hoping it might promote Jesus to be more like his cousin, John

 

D. Carpo the Carpenter–a business-package idea by the Nazareth Chamber of Commerce

 

E. Bastard–a never-dying rumor by old, disgruntled Nazarenes who were “month-counters” for Mother Mary.

 

 

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Cracked 5 … May 9th, 2017

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3301)

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Reasons You Should Be Kind To Your Mom On This Upcoming Mother’s Day

A. She knows all your humiliating stories–and is eager to share them with your friends.

 

B. She was willing to give you life even though it meant sleeping with your dad, who wears open-toed sandals with black socks.

 

C. She not only saved your umbilical cord, but SHE FROZE IT!

 

D. She knows where you keep your “junk” and has seen it.

 

E. She is the only person who patted you on the back after you threw up on her.

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