Sit Down Comedy … September 25th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

Finally, a crazy idea that has its day.

All my life, I wanted to tell Earth the truth. To a certain degree I have done so, but I have reserved this particular statement for the occasion of my demise,

I thoroughly enjoyed my stay on Planet Earth.

I cannot understand why so many people are so bitchy about it.

The climate is pretty good—and if it’s not to your liking you can move around until you find the sunrise and sunset of your preference. After all, there is snow if you want it, rain if you need it, mountains to climb and valleys to plant.

What in the hell more do we need?

Please understand one thing: It is not acceptable to sit on the mountain and scream at the valley.

You are also not allowed to think that nice people are sons of bitches and pigeons just because they choose to be kind.

It is time to be militaristic about LOVE. Love does not have an army, so to speak, but it does have ammunition. It ranges from tenderness to intelligence to intuitiveness.

Love can rock the goddamn world.

  • The medical field does not work without it.
  • The government is being debunked from ignoring it.
  • The church is pious when separated from it.

Find good and you will find God.

It’s that extra little “o” that guarantees it.

Goodbye, human race.

I think you have a chance—if you insert love every time you want to do nothing.

Sit Down Comedy … September 4th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

A whisper.

What is the whisper?

Is it a begrudging apology offered in plaintive solitude?

Is it breathless uncertainty?

Is it suppressed by intimidation, hoping it no longer can be heard?

Why do we whisper?

Is it intimacy?

Perhaps the words can be uttered without actually being recognized.

Is it gentleness?

Is it the timbre of a coward?

When do we whisper? Usually when we’re close.

Do we whisper when we’re apart?

Do we sometimes speak, hushed, knowing that no one will hear, but still enabling ourselves to complain because they didn’t?

Do other creatures whisper?

Is there room in the natural order for the whisper to prosper?

Can I whisper and be confident; whisper and realize I may not be comprehended?

Is my whisper an objection to the brash cacophony that surrounds me every day?

Or am I just so uncertain of my own meaning that I’d rather remain unknowable?

How do we whisper?

Is it the best way to communicate to a single ear?

How close do the lips have to get to that one ear, often causing a tingling throughout the whole body?

Do great men whisper?

Do lions whisper? Or do they leave that to the meager mouse?

Yes, is whispering mousy?

Is it a way to escape confrontation?

Or is it a pious practice, conveying a holy calm?

Do I whisper?

And when I do, is it a choice of empowerment or a trembling of disbelief?

There is so much overpowering in the world that sometimes a whisper can receive unmerited appreciation.

For what good is there to speak something important if it is so quiet that it can’t be perceived?

What is a whisper?

Is it used more for love or for fear?

Or is it brought out when we fear love?

A whisper.

Maybe it’s just the natural volume of our human soul.

Sit Down Comedy … August 28th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

73 percent of the American population is white.

Maybe pinkish, peachy, beige or sandstone. Somewhere in that spectrum.

They have been accused of being privileged. Although many of them—these white people—would object to the term or scatter from any association with supremacy, they are still, unfortunately, tagged.

It is not privilege—it is a perception.

And for so many generations, white folks have been perceived as being superior—so much so that it is literally impossible for them to wash all the prejudice from their brains.

So the white race determines the pace for the human race.

Let us push on.

40 percent of that 73 number have linked themselves permanently with President Donald Trump.

It does not change. The number does not seem to fluctuate.

About 4 out of 7 white people in the United States have found their candidate.

It is fruitless to try to change their minds because Donald Trump offers them a world in which they don’t have to be afraid of color variation—but instead, can listen to the dog whistle for the purebred.

It’s comfortable.

It’s easy.

It feels like Grandma and Grandpa.

It looks like 1950’s television (and there’s no need to adjust the set for any color).

Let’s move on.

These figures tell us that 27 percent of the electorate have color in their skin or come from ethnic backgrounds. That 27 percent of the electorate favors the Democrats. I’m sure any estimation I would make would be inaccurate, but about 25 of that 27 percent is moving toward Joe Biden.

Let’s stop and catch up.

  • So far 40 percent of the 73 percent of the white voters favor Donald Trump.
  • 25 of the 27 percent of people of color prefer Mr. Biden.
  • That leaves us with 33 percent of the white people unaccounted for.

Let us start by subtracting 5 percent—which we shall call disgruntled young humans or members of a political party which does not support either candidate. This could be higher or lower. I am kind of spit-balling.

Based on the figures, we are down to 28 percent of the white electorate being uncertain.

Of that 28 percent remaining, Joe Biden needs 25.1 percent of them to win, while Donald Trump only requires 10.1 percent of them.

This was the error in arithmetic that was made in the 2016 election and is now being repeated again.

When any candidate for President of the United States starts out with a hard number of 40 percent, then it becomes practical to predict that he will be able to garner an additional 10 percent.

This is not based on issues.

This is not even based on what’s best for the country.

This is simply written in stone.

And it is so because 40 percent of the 73 percent of white people in this country are afraid of something.

Once that fear is manifested, it causes them to gyrate toward President Trump.

I’m not offering these figures because I am stumping for one candidate over the other. This is not an advertisement for a political cause.

It is an adjustment in simple math—an understanding that even though we spend a lot of time talking about ethnicity and race, the United States, in 2020, is 73 percent white.

Just to give perspective, that is almost 3 out of 4.

And when 3 out of 4 people are of a certain type, belief or common thread, it will be difficult for that fourth person to be seen, heard or have his or her vote make much of a difference.

 

Sit Down Comedy … August 21st, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

10 Spontaneous One-Liners

1. “Kumquat—another name for a woman’s orgasm.”

2. “I shot an arrow into the air and where it fell…is now a crime scene.”

3. “The 2020 college football season has been fumbled away, fearing illegal motion.”

4. “Is Ridin’ Biden the best way to Thump Trump?”

5. “I went to a family reunion during an election year and escaped with a broken nose.”

6. “When Jesus walked on the water, he realized it was time to clean out the lake.”

7. “If you can’t be sexy, learn how to tell a good story.”

8. “If you’re a kid nowadays and your parents call you special, you don’t know if you’re brilliant or retarded.”

9. “I used to laugh at old people. Now I bitch at young folks.”

10. “If you would give me thirty seconds notice before the world comes to an end, I will gladly tell you what I really think about humus.”

Sit Down Comedy … August 14th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

First Comedians

If I’m able to yap in every language, or even sound like a televangelist, and I don’t have funny, I am a boring sermon or a bombastic speech.

If I can guess what’s going to happen next and explain how to solve the Rubik’s Cube, and I have mind control that can convince you that I’m miraculous, but I don’t have funny, I am a boob.

If I give all my pocket change to poor people or even donate my time to community service but I do not pursue funny, I am truly a snoozer.

Funny is impatient, but ultimately kind.

It does yearn for things—but it doesn’t cheat to get them.

And if it gets lucky, it’s grateful.

It doesn’t lie about folks but will poke fun at them. And because it pursues the laughable, it’s not so easy to get pissed off. (And if you have something funnier, you win.)

Funny doesn’t try to promote the dark side, but in its own way, is digging around for truth.

To put it this way, funny always protects the weak, trusts people to get the jokes, hopes the sponsor will rebook—and on a bad night, settles for a burger and fries.

But be sure of this:

Funny rarely fails.

Some people preach, but that will die out.

Other folks negotiate, but eventually the treaties fail.

And you can get enough education to make you a doctor of everything–except comedy.

Since we don’t know everything, we can laugh about most things and in laughing, sometimes we gain understanding.

When I was a little dude, I loved silly things.

Now that I’ve become a big boy, I speak silly things.

It doesn’t make me less mature—just more tolerable.

For it’s hard to understand what’s going on.

Maybe some day we will. Maybe not.

But our job is to promote good cheer—so we can survive.

Now, there are three things at work on Earth:

Facts

Faith

And funny

Hell … the greatest of these is funny.

Sit Down Comedy … August 7th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

“Let me think about it.”

In my youthful fervor, I was swelled with expectation when I heard him say this. Or was it her? Sometimes it was “they.”

Just realizing that after a long conversation in which I presented my case, that this human being was going to go off and think about it, kept the door open for a positive conclusion to what in the present moment seemed to be a looming negative.

“Thinking about it.”

Then the years passed.

I learned.

I discovered that no one thinks about anything.

How could we be thinking and still argue racism, gender bias, abortion, murder and supremacy of any type or any fashion?

How could we believe that human beings are musing over information—considering the results of “great debate” to draw conclusions—when we sit here on the verge of a Presidential election with basically the same statistics for the favored donkey or pet elephant that we had four years ago?

Are you trying to tell me that in four years nothing has changed to alter the consciousness of the American people whatsoever?

Or is it that we never really think about it?

Alas, alas…

The brain is a train that will not refrain until we all go insane.

You see, it’s been programmed.

By the time we are five years old, seventy percent of our mores, preferences, attitudes and fairness are already planted deep into our virgin brains by those who had been implanted themselves and don’t know what else to offer.

Intelligence is not our doorway to “peace on Earth, good will toward men.”

Education will leave us short of the need.

We are not capable of such a maneuver. This is why we purchase domesticated animals. They remind us what devotion looks like and tenderness feels like.

The brain cannot be renewed unless we learn to deal with our emotions—come clean with our feelings and allow for the possibility that the human soul could be the restoration area to feed the cranium with fresh insight.

The philosopher said, “I think, therefore I am.”

I’m sorry.

I think, therefore I am too predictable.

What makes us ablaze with potential, on fire with creativity and ignitors of legitimate love is allowing our feelings to be real, our soul to refine those sensations, renewing the brain to do something other than grump out the usual response.

 

Sit Down Comedy … July 31st, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

Old people talk about old things.

That’s how you know they’re old.

They think they’re relevant. They think they’re talking about new things.

But they’re wrong.

They are old people talking about old things, sounding an SOS:

Same Old Shit.

The trouble is, not all old people are collecting Social Security. Some of the old people talking in our generation are supposed to be young. But for some reason, they’re talking about old stuff.

I don’t know why.

The Civil War? Are you nuts? Are we really still discussing a flag of a group of rebellious traitors who wanted to subjugate a race of people to be their slaves and decided to fight on every flat spot in the Eastern U. S., to try to prove their point?

The Civil War is over.

It has been decided. Slavery is not coming back. So all your banners are outdated. If you’re still talking about it, you are goddamned old.

Abortion? This has been settled.

It’s a nasty procedure that no one really wants to claim but needs to be a freedom given to a woman—because it’s her body. Sure, we would hope that it would not be used as birth control, or a way to get even with conservatives. But the discussion is over. If you’re still talking about it—pro or con—you’re decrepit.

And referring to politics, I wouldn’t even know where to start.

Republican and Democrat? These are things my grandparents talked about. You can tell it’s old stuff. The parties still use flyers, bumper stickers, buttons, slogans, attack ads… Are you kidding me? This stuff is old for old.

The election is really simple. We need to put somebody in the government who will allow us to live our lives fruitfully, make sure the roads are paved, and don’t blow up the rest of the world. If you want to call those “issues,” then I guess you could have one of your debates.

I stand dumbfounded when I hear people talking about race.

Are we really discussing color? Because honest to God, so many people have tattoos, I don’t know what color they are.

I heard an old woman say, “I just don’t think it’s right for black people and white people to marry and have children.”

“Fine,” I told her. “Then you probably shouldn’t fuck a rapper. And maybe don’t watch somebody else do it either.”

I’m astounded when I hear old people talking about rich and poor.

It’s so OLD. Get what you can and help everyone else. How hard can that be?

And by the way, can anything be older than religion?

We spend all of our time in a church talking to people (who are wearing jeans and crocs) about patriarchs in Israel. Old people talking about old things—stinking up the joint with old.

Can we ever get over the idea that men and women have to fight with each other? It’s so damn old.  Maybe we could do something new.

We could counteract our entertainment and create shows where men listen, and women are reasonable.

It’s all about human rights.

We cannot let these unfortunate, mentally stalled old people continue to insist on the fact that a few human wrongs should still be discussed.

You can identify old people because they talk about old things in an old way.

I would think, after Covid-19, we should be able to hear a scream coming from America. “I don’t want to debate the issues anymore!”

Don’t we all want to live in an America where there are only two rules?

Do the best you can.

Help somebody out when you can.

 

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