Jonathots Daily Blog
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Delicate Ways to Alliteratively Describe Your Bowel Movements
1. Fulfilling and Fluffy
2. Slip-Sliding Away
3. Tight and Tender
4. Run, Run, Run, Run Runaway
5. A Farted Failure
Sit Down Comedy … November 15th, 2019
Jonathots Daily Blog
(4229)
Life is like a bucket of bolts without a wrench.
Of course, it isn’t. It’s just one of those attempts at cleverness by an over-reaching writer trying to capture your darting attention to his overwrought work.
It’s kind of like when one of these hacks writes:
If everything has purpose, then God is one sick mofo.
You see what I mean? Trying to walk that fine line between street language, to make you think that he or she, typing the words, is in step with present-day pop culture, while also making you wonder if what’s being expressed is a squirt of agnosticism or a splash of raging against religious profanity.
Of course—maybe it’s just dumb.
Because I will tell you:
I saw an ant pushing a crumb of bread back to his hill. I thought, why doesn’t he eat the damn crumb, and then come back to his buddies and say he couldn’t find anything?
Ah, yes.
A gaggle of giggles to gurgle up an emotion emitting from every man, as alliteration is always alluring.
Of course, it isn’t really. It’s just an overuse of a practice that could benefit from some underuse.
Truth is: Life is a bowl of cherries that somebody already ate, leaving you the pits.
Yet we must not be too critical of those who at least try to make us smile while simultaneously offering food for thought. Granted, the food for thought is often Cheetos and candy bars, but as we all know, those can do quite well in a pinch.
Don’t you sometimes feel like standing on a mountain, or maybe a small hill in Kansas, and scream:
Excuse me, life! It’s your turn to have a good attitude!
But does the author really feel that? Or is the penner of the words merely pointing out that life is taken too seriously for how ridiculous it ends up being?
Because talking to a friend the other day, he said this to me: Life is meeting a beautiful woman and suddenly remembering you are gay. (Of course, this didn’t happen. I don’t have any gay friend.)
Now, there was a surprise, right? And the line is pretty funny. It might even tickle the bone until funny comes forth.
But my discovery is: Wisdom is when knowledge stops planning and starts working.
Wow. This kinda reads like the phrase a philosophy teacher might write on the chalkboard during the first class on the first morning of the first semester of the first year of an overly lengthy education.
So what is life? Or should that question even be asked? Is posing it just a setup for over-inspirational ideas or sardonic punchlines?
Does it cause us to come with a phrase like: Life is like getting a knee replacement and then breaking your leg.
At least there are layers. Gives you pause. Makes you twinge a bit in sympathetic agony.
One of my favorites is: Life is a beautiful bouquet of flowers that smells like poop.
Now, that could get some conversation going if you were really bored, had nothing to do and happened to be hanging out with a geek.
I don’t know—what do you think works? Do I really care—what works, and what you think?
Would you agree with me that we can’t be trusted on our own?
Human beings are too intelligent to be released with their flakey attitudes.
Here’s what I think:
We need a god if for no other reason than to keep us from worshipping ourselves.
And all the people said, “A-men.” (Did you say it out loud? Do you now feel stupid because I asked you?)
Our journey is a strange one.
Quite candidly: Life is a fork when you’ve been given a plate of peas.
Yes. That’s somewhat like it, isn’t it? Not.
Life is like a railroad, except there’s no train of thought and it’s hard to get on track.
Huh. I guess it’s not like a railroad at all.
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Two Bits… August 11, 2013
Jonathots Daily Blog
(1972)
In case you didn’t know, two bits are a quarter.
In my lifetime, I have gone from hearing people saying, “a nickel doesn’t buy anything” to “a dime doesn’t buy much” to “a quarter is worthless” and if it weren’t for the ever-loving Dollar Store, we would be tempted to continue the decline.
Basically, I’ve got it figured that life only allows me to offer my two bits. If I spend less than that in my efforts, I end up being cheap and falling short of my dreams. If I try to spend more, I end up in debt to everybody, still explaining why I haven’t achieved much.
So thinking on that today, I decided how I would spend my quarter–two bits.
I wouldn’t give more than a penny for my thoughts, since often they are tempted to swerve into the worry lane. Worry is the most useless expenditure of our two bits–because if it’s important enough to be worthy of worry, it probably requires more effort than concern. And if it isn’t important enough for worry, we always look foolish for taking the detour.
Let me see–I would spend a nickel on prayer, if by prayer, you mean talking to God, listening to God, following what you’ve learned from Mother Nature, and being faithful instead of opinionated.
How about four cents for faith? Why four? It’s a nice alliteration (four for faith) and I also think that faith is just a little less powerful than we make it out to be. Many people would disagree, but I think our faith often flirts with presumption, fear, a bit of futility and a sense of superiority. True faith is finding something that’s substantially good in the first place and investing more of yourself in its advancement.
Moving along–I do think humor is worth a nickel. Humor and prayer are great teammates. While we’re waiting for our prayers to be answered, it’s better to be smiling than staring off in the distance. Good cheer is what keeps us from believing that our prayers are being ignored, and also helps us target our faith in toward joy.
That leaves me a dime. I would invest that dime in my talent. None of us know how things are going to pan out after we die, and the only thing available is this next breath that fills our lungs with the possibility of usefulness. So focusing on my talent–using it well, perfecting it, multiplying it and placing it into the right situations–is the greatest gift I can offer to the progress of humankind. It may not be a lot, but it’s nice to have it available so if someone asks, you don’t have to waste time being shy or having to rummage through your closet.
So there you go–my two bits.
It’s heavy on using what God has already given me, staying in contact with Him, giggling more than Googling, finding the right spot to insert my faith, and avoiding the stubbornness of worry.
How will you use your two bits? Because if we put them all together–two bits, four bits, six bits–we eventually get a dollar.
And then maybe we can change the world… because the buck will stop here.
The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity
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