Sit Down Comedy …March 8th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

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I recently moved, abandoning my old fortress of solitude for new digs, which I now comfortably call home.

In my whole life I have done this process twelve times. I was a little surprised to discover that this is statistically average.

Whenever I move, the first thing I do is go out and buy a box of garbage bags. Why? Because I’m going to give away a whole lot of stuff. These are the materials that crept into my life, were used temporarily, and ended up being stored in my closet or corners, where I intentionally forgot them.

It’s a very easy evaluation process. As I begin to pack things, I look at each item and ask myself the following three questions:

  1. Have I used this in the past three months?
  2. Will I use it a lot in the next three months?
  3. Is there someone who would really like to use it right now?

It makes things so easy. I not only end up moving but am able to bless a whole bunch of people who get the rejects I’ve been keeping around out of sentimentality mingled with laziness.

But you see, likewise, every once in a while, when something in my life needs to be moved, shifted or rearranged, I will dare to enter my closet of emotions and see what might be in there that is unnecessary.

There are three main culprits:

A. Worry

It gets shuffled to the rear and pretends it’s not there until you glance at it and then, the apprehension surfaces.

B. Pride

It always likes to be hung up high where it can be seen but does nothing to enhance my being except puff up my ego and is quickly deflated by reality.

C. And finally, self-pity

This one really likes to hide, like a cockroach surprised by turning on the light in the middle of the night. It likes to pretend it doesn’t exist, but self-pity literally “bugs me.”

When I look at these emotions—worry, pride and self-pity—I know deep in my heart that they’re worthless, but I keep them around for those times when others are not concerned, praising me—or they might even be ignoring me.

They suck. Yes, these fretting emotions literally suck the life out of me.

Because when I pose the three questions to them, which need to be asked of any emotion, they always fail. The three questions are:

  • Is this emotion making me money?
  • Is this emotion making me friends?
  • Is this emotion making me smarter?

Honestly, I do not feel old, but I am too ancient to waste time worrying pridefully in a puddle of self-pity. I need things in my life that make me money, friends and turn me into a smarter being.

So will you join me in grabbing a sack, finding your worry, your pride and your self-pity, bagging it up and giving it away for Goodwill?

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Dear Man/Dear Woman: A Noteworthy Conversation … April 2nd, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Dear Man Dear Woman

Dear Woman: Why aren’t you dressed?

Dear Man: I am dressed.

Dear Woman: I mean dressed for church.

Dear Man: Because I’m not going.

Dear Woman: Why?

Dear Man: Because I don’t want to.

Dear Woman: I wish you had told me. I could be snoozin’.

Dear Man: You should go.

Dear Woman: Why should I go?

Dear Man: Because it’s your place.

Dear Woman: I don’t even know what that means.

Dear Man: It means I think that church is for men and against women. Sometimes I just get tired of it.

Dear Woman: I don’t think that. I believe God loves all of us.

Dear Man: God’s not the problem. And Jesus is a great salesman for the cause. It’s the book that bothers me.

Dear Woman: The Bible?

Dear Man: Exactly. The book is not kind to women. It’s filled with innuendo, it’s often condescending and it promotes…well, it promotes what I call “the nasty nonsense.”

Dear Woman: You really must tell me what that means.

Dear Man: Okay. Here it is. God creates man so man serves God. God creates woman to be ruled over by man. Woman, a secondary creation, has the responsibility to tend to the kids. And the kids…well, they’re supposed to remain quiet.

Dear Woman: I don’t believe that.

Dear Man: I don’t believe it, either. But the book is used by people who are stuck in an ancient time zone, promoting the inferiority of women and the predominance of men.

Dear Woman: Not the whole Bible.

Dear Man: I get that. But saying that the Bible does not place woman in a subjected position is similar to insisting that “Gone With the Wind” is not about slavery because Scarlett O’Hara dresses nicely.

Dear Woman: So you throw the whole thing out because of “the nasty nonsense?”

Dear Man: No, but I just get tired of it. Even at our church–we have a female pastor. But the other ministers in town don’t respect her. There are men in the congregation who don’t consider her to be the shepherd of the flock. It’s because they have these verses in the Bible that make them feel superior to a woman who actually has much more understanding than they do.

Dear Woman: So how does it help for you to stay away from church?

Dear Man: I just get tired of pretending. I get tired of being hypocritical. They read verses I don’t believe in and don’t agree with. And I’m supposed to “amen” and keep quiet because women “are to be silent in the church.”

Dear Woman: Our church doesn’t believe that.

Dear Man: But our church doesn’t fight that, deny that and stand against it.

Dear Woman: So let me play devil’s advocate. What do you think those verses mean, that talk about a woman’s position in relation to a man?

Dear Man: I think they were written by inspired men who had not yet freed themselves of all their lack of inspiration.

Dear Woman: So they just threw it in?

Dear Man: Yeah, basically.

Dear Woman: So let’s make a deal. Since you know I don’t feel that way, why don’t we go to church together and be the contradiction?

Dear Man: Okay. If you’ll let me take you out to brunch afterwards.

 

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