1 Thing You Can Do This Week to Be in the Know

 

Attractive Without Attraction Does Not Attract Anybody

I freely admit that being handsome or gorgeous is an immediate plus for gaining attention in the human family. Matter of fact, it may give you one or two free cracks at the prize without having to suffer too much critique from admirers.

We like pretty people.

We, ourselves, either believe we are pretty, or certainly have a comprehensive plan and are working to get there.

But if “attractive” cannot produce an attraction, people will scurry away, not only disappointed, but vindictive that they so easily swooned over dimples and smiles. At this point, attractive has failed to deliver, through evident beauty, any promise of beautiful things forthcoming.

I don’t think I need to discuss with you what attractive is. But I have readily prepared myself to explain what the attraction is that can take unattractive people and attract them to everybody.

There are three links that form a chain.

If you’re able to grasp how these units are meant to combine to generate an attraction, then you won’t have to worry nearly as much about being universally considered attractive. There are even many actors in Hollywood who might, on the surface, be considered homely, but because of their work, character, longevity and quality, are now able to attract anybody.

So what are the three links that form the chain of attraction?

It begins with confidence.

Confidence is characterized through the statement, “I have some experience.” Confidence does not say that you have all experience, or that your experience will solve the entire breadth of problems or that there isn’t something that could come up that you would not be able to handle. Confidence is just stating, “I have some experience.”

You take that link and fasten it to “humble.”

Humble is an admission necessary for all of us:  “I have some weaknesses.”

These two attributes connected create a ying and yang that let people know that you’re safe for consideration.

Confidence: I have some experience.

Humble: I have some weakness.

The final link is mercy: I have some forgiveness.

If you are a leader and you’re starting a job managing a group of people and you don’t have mercy, you unfortunately will soon turn into a tyrant.

But when you take the three links—confidence, humble and mercy—they form a chain of attraction.

No matter where you go across the world, they will attract you to anybody.

Too much confidence? You’d better be attractive, too.

Too much humble? You may just look like you’re playing it safe.

And too much mercy? You can be taken advantage of.

So if you can ignore whether you are deemed physically attractive, but instead, confidently, humbly and mercifully pursue your goals, then that will build the attraction which will attract you to anybody you meet.

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Dear Man/Dear Woman: A Noteworthy Conversation … July 23rd, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3011)

Dear Man Dear Woman

Dear Woman: I caught myself just in the nick of time.

 

Dear Man: What do you mean?

 

Dear Woman: I was just about to speak some words from my lips that were going to sound like an old man.

 

Dear Man: What were the words?

 

Dear Woman: It always begins the same. “Don’t you think you should?…” Here’s the truth. Things evolve. I suppose we can levy a moral tax on folks if they don’t measure up to what people used to do, but when it comes to human relationships, we’re just trying to figure out how to make it work.

 

Dear Man: Give me an example.

 

Dear Woman: When I was a kid you were supposed to meet someone, date for a while, get engaged, get married, have kids and live happily ever after or at least, live.

 

Dear Man: Same for me. Except it was my understanding that I was supposed to be pretty pure–but the guy I married could have experience, though I was never sure where he got that experience, considering the fact that all the girls were supposed to be pure.

 

Dear Woman: So you see, we now have a generation of people who are fully grown, but have memories of being raised in households without two parents. They were the children of divorces.

 

Dear Man: So naturally, they are frightened to death of marriage–because even though we accept divorce as a possibility, or maybe even a probability, the stigma of failure still stings.

 

Dear Woman: So people are trying to figure out how to couple and keep the coupling civil.

 

Dear Man: I think the key is understanding that there’s a difference between attraction and relationship.

 

Dear Woman: And a huge difference between relationship and commitment.

 

Dear Man: God knows, we’re attracted to many people. It’s what gives us confidence. It provides a fantasy life where, for a split second, we imagine what a romantic link-up would be with somebody, only to slap our face, shake it off and move on.

 

Dear Woman: You can’t base much on attraction. Sometimes you’re just attracted. It doesn’t mean any more than that, and the true stupidity is thinking that every attraction is meant to lead to a hookup.

 

Dear Man: Relationship–to relate. Honestly, I don’t want to relate with everybody on an intimate level. I don’t want everybody to know my bathroom habits. A relationship is a decision to take an attraction and see if you can take it out of the physical into the emotional.

 

Dear Woman: I like that. Because when something stays in the physical and we try to force emotion into it, we generate the tension that causes hard feelings and can even degrade to abuse.

 

Dear Man: Likewise, every relationship is not meant to turn into a commitment. A commitment is where we commit. No matter what happens we will stay together because we’re convinced there’s nothing out there that will be better than what we’ve got.

 

Dear Woman: In the Victorian era, when people were either betrothed to each other or married at an early age, there was a chance that an attraction could be birthed which could lead to relationship to feed the commitment. But since we don’t do it that way anymore, the younger people in our country need a way to wade through the confusion of attraction, leading to relationship with the possibility of commitment.

 

Dear Man: Yes. I think we have to be careful not to criticize people for living together, for instance, just because they’re not married. Unless they introduce children into the equation.

 

Dear Woman: I agree. That’s a deal breaker. Children should not show up until there’s a commitment to see the relationship through. The trouble is, people are having offspring from just attractions.

 

Dear Man: So let me see if I can get this straight. Attractions mean we are attracted. We don’t have to follow up on it. It just makes us feel warm and fuzzy.

 

Dear Woman: Exactly. And relationships are where we decide if our attraction is strong enough that we might relate to one another, spending more time together.

 

Dear Man: And once we discover that we relate so well that we don’t need to look for someone else to relate to, then we can move to commitment, where we cement our feelings. In other words, we would choose therapy over divorce.

 

Dear Woman: It’s a great process, and each generation needs to figure out how to sort through all the details.

 

Dear Man: Attraction–to be attracted. Relationship–to find out if we can relate. And commitment–to commit ourselves to be one.

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Dear Man/Dear Woman: A Noteworthy Conversation … December 19th, 2015

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(2787)

Dear Man Dear Woman

 

Dear Man,

I’m tired of being afraid.

I hate fear. It is so uncontrollably fearful.

I’m afraid of being weak and I’m also afraid of not being weak enough to fit in.

Or maybe it’s that I’m tired. Yes, I’m tired of being the weaker sex. How can you call someone the weaker anything and contend it’s not an insult? In what sense is weakness ever a positive? It is one thing and one thing only: weak.

It enables you to relegate me to positions for easy manipulation. I despise it. And then if manipulation doesn’t work, you can become abusive. And since I’m weak, I’m supposed to fall under the spell of your aggression.

I’m supposed to believe that if I have an opinion, it’s a complaint. If I have a complaint, it’s a bitch.

If I have a bitch, it’s an insult to your manhood. And if I insult your manhood, I’m a lousy woman.

How can you define being a woman by how well men think you act your role?

 

Dear Woman:

Don’t you think I’m afraid, too? I’m afraid of failing to be strong.

Who in the hell would I be if I’m not strong? I would risk being a pussy, right? Which simultaneously, by the way, insults you because it attributes weakness to being female.

So I’m supposed to figure out on my own what it means to be strong. Forgive me for assuming that would entail getting rid of anything that resembles weakness–feelings, tears, sensitivity, attention span…should I go on?

So to be a man, in a way I’m told to be a jerk to a woman. And from what you’re telling me, I further complicate your life by treating you as weak so I will appear stronger.

 

Dear Man,

You don’t understand. I don’t want you to work this out for me. I don’t want you to adapt to my fear and my fatigue.

I want to find a way to discover why we share so much in common, yet are taught that we’re so different.

 

Dear Woman:

Aren’t we different? Isn’t that supposed to be the allure of our attraction?

 

Dear Man:

I hope not, because quite honestly, it’s driving me nuts.

The things you think make you strong actually repel me, and then I resent the fact that I’m supposed to be attracted to what I find repulsive.

 

Dear Woman:

Repulsive, huh? Am I supposed to hear that without thinking you’re a bitch?

 

Dear Man:

Am I supposed to feel it without saying it?

 

 

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