I thought I would send along today the ideas that give me the spine and create the backbone for my faith and human journey.
There happen to be ten of them—but this has nothing to do with the original Commandments, just more or less my relentless respect for the symmetry of a good essay.
Don’t be so shitty.
Create instead of bitch.
My opinion sucks.
Don’t speak in God’s name.
Politics makes assholes. Flee!
Get good enough that you can be humble instead of needy.
No help is coming. Learn to laugh!
No one is better than anyone else.
Pick up your trash.
Don’t try so hard.
That’s about it. I could elaborate, but I think that might be best left to you.
So here it is:
The Ten Principles in “My Heeling Dogma.”
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It was my twelfth birthday. Twelve years of age is such an annoying station of life. You’re not a kid, not a teenager, not an adult, not … anything.
You are stuck in some sort of limbo between a former oblivion and what might be an emerging consciousness. This grants you the ignoble position of being invisible.
My mother gave me a birthday present of one pound of pickle pimento loaf, purchased from Dick’s Market. It was not a slight nor an insult, but rather, a gracious response to my request. I loved pickle pimento loaf. Sweet pickles, pimentos with red dots pretending to have taste, surrounded by bologna. And it was beautifully presented–white butcher paper with some holiday scotch tape holding the package together, sporting holly and bells. After all, it was the season to be jolly.
And for the next fifteen minutes of consumption of the delicious treat, I was. Jolly, that is. It was so good that I ate it all in one sitting.
It was a confirmation of both my birthday and for a lifestyle choice–to be a fat person. Yet I needed that present to prepare me–anesthetize me–for the arrive of Aunt Myrtle and Uncle Benny.
They were coming to celebrate my birthday. Actually, no such jubilation was possible. Aunt Myrtle didn’t like me–always displaying a half-smile pasted below her German nose, prepared to turn into a full-fledged snarl at any moment. Uncle Benny, on the other hand, had his emotional backbone removed decades earlier, and more recently, a similar operation snipping his vocal chords.
You see, Aunt Myrtle had a favorite word.
“Tidy.” To this day I hate that term–tidy. Up-tight and makes me want to die. Ti-dee.
She had three criticisms which she rattled off immediately upon seeing me.
Your shirt tail’s hanging out.
Your fingernails are too long.
Stop slouching.
But in commemoration of my birthday, she added a fourth complaint. Out of the great, cloudy sky of her demeanor, she suddenly asked me, “Do you use deoderant?”
She went on to explain that I was becoming “a little man” and that my body excreted odors displeasing to others. She offered to bring me a tube of her favorite roll-on the next time she came.
Something snapped inside me. I needed to get out of that room. I knew the best way to achieve the purpose was to become insolent, so that my parents would dismiss me. So I asked Aunt Myrtle, “Do you like me?”
Shocked, she replied, “Well, I love you.”
I didn’t miss a beat. “Aunt Myrtle, it would be better if you liked me.”
This simple exchange seemed to set the whole conclave ablaze with disapproval. I was quickly sent to my room, banished from any further proceedings. I feigned disappointmend and arriving in my cave of seclusion, I shut the door and leaned my back against it.
Still lying on my bed was that wonderful white butcher paper, torn asunder. I eased my way over and lay down next to the present. I sniffed the paper for its former contents.
“You are empty, butcher paper,” I said, cuddling closer.
And so am I.
The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity
Click for details on the SpirTed 2014 presentation
Please contact Jonathan’s agent, Jackie Barnett, at (615) 481-1474, for information about scheduling SpiriTed in 2014.
May we take a moment to sum up the human condition?
The gravity of our situation adds weight and pressure to our lives, creating burden. Feeling this added weight, we tend to gyrate to situations where we can float along and be buoyant. Unfortunately, because this climate is not where we really desire to be or in correlation with our calling, we stagnate, which lends itself to feelings of disappointment.
So even though the added gravity of an environment that questions us may occasionally make us feel defeated, trying to stay in an “easy” climate that does not cause us to grow produces disappointment, which degrades itself to depression.
Sooner or later we must understand that we are not meant to be buoyant. We are not intended to be creatures who merely bob up and down, moving with the flow of the world around us.
We have legs.
We have a backbone.
We are not fish.
We are supposed to endure the gravity of life, but somehow find a way to ease the tribulation and be of good cheer.
Yes, there is a difference between easy and ease, and in finding that distinction, you discover one of the key secrets of human life.
The main thing that has to be conquered is despair. Easy does not defeat it, nor does throwing a fit over your inadequacy scare the dark clouds away. We must find a way to ease the gravity of our situation.
Where do we start?
Being too positive makes you ill-prepared for the realities that will come your way. 1a. Think yes, prepare for no.
Being too negative encompasses your time, which could be better spent in planning and learning. 2a.Consider no; prepare for yes.
Being practical is the art of balancing what you have with what might happen. 3a. Ignore yes and no; focus on the details.
Knowing that surprises are inevitable, it’s a good idea not to take too much time acting surprised. 4a. Difficulty is common to all human beings.
Set small goals so achievement is possible daily. 5a. The blessings and trials of life are delivered with each morning’s portion.
To choose an easy path is to quickly make yourself extinct in your own evolution. To ease the path, you have to consider the factors–every movement is countered by a movement from another direction.
Being aware of that grants you the advantage of not needing to fall into a pit of despair, but rather, pulling up short of the edge, gaining your footing … and living to think and work another day.
The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity
Click for details on the SpirTed 2014 presentation
Please contact Jonathan’s agent, Jackie Barnett, at (615) 481-1474, for information about scheduling SpiriTed in 2014.
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