Jonathots Daily Blog
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Canvassing, Part 3
(tap the picture to see the video)
art by smarrttie pants
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Cracked 5 … April 6th, 2019
Jonathots Daily Blog
(4007)
Rejected Plans for Spring Break
A. The “Building a Sandcastle” competition at Daytona Beach
B. Starting a diet and exercise program
C. Time with Mom and Dad
D. A “Pirate Battle Reenactment” in Fort Lauderdale
E. A urinary tract infection
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Sit Down Comedy … November 9th, 2018
Jonathots Daily Blog
(3851)
Instagrammar for Instagram
It seems appropriate to catch up the American lingo with the times instead of having it linger in the past with moldy ideas. So instead of referring to things like “Self Worth” may I give you the new Instagrammar:
1. Selfie Worth: Taking a picture while traveling through Fort Worth
2. Selfie Motivation: Developing a plot line to energize the shot
3. Selfie Awareness: Picking an angle where your nose doesn’t look so big
4. Selfie Destruction: Delete, delete and again I say, DELETE
5. Selfie Less: Not so much smiling
6. Selfie Fish: Shooting the perfect pic near the beach
7. Selfie Deception: Convinced you have lost weight because the snapshot only has half of your face
8. Selfie Denial: Patiently waiting until after your grandma’s funeral before posing again
9. Selfie Realization: Fewer pics in congested traffic around grouchy cops
10. Selfie Centered: Finding the perfect headroom
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******
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PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant … December 21st, 2016
Jonathots Daily Blog
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Sun of the Beach
Sunshine, feeling fine
But what would I know?
Left my shoes at the beach
And then I stubbed my toe
Turned and cursed the guilty rock
Limped along an ocean block
Stumbled over a three-inch rut
Fell upon my big fat butt
A child laughed, I gave a glare
His mother frowned, I didn’t care
Me required some gentle look
That is what it would took
To keep me from killing the boy
Who bled and died near his toy
Had it coming! was my excuse
Went to jail, couldn’t refuse
Arrested I was for a natural deed
Curious how the farce would lead
A trial before a grumpy judge
Who gave the jury a threatening nudge
Convict the kid killer! he said
I realized I was surely dead
I removed my sock to display my toe
Swollen and sore–all aglow
Looking for someone kind
No sympathy did I ever find
Guilty, they said,
Pronounced me dead
Thus my song has been sung
Three days later I was hung
So here’s my conclusion, the bottom line
It’s best to stay clear of all sunshine
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Mr. Kringle’s Tales …26 Stories ‘Til Christmas
An advent calendar of stories, designed to enchant readers of all ages
“Quite literally the best Christmas stories I have ever read.” — Arthur Holland, Shelby, North Carolina
Only $5.99 plus $1.25 shipping and handling.
PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant…May 6th, 2015
Jonathots Daily Blog
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A Hellish Dream
I dreamed I went to hell
It did not go very well
I expected to see killers
And there were the Millers
Who lived on Sunset near Bell
They sat eating Sunday taters
Gossiping like all known traitors
Believing themselves to be fine
A little whine with their dine
Complaining about the colored waiters
Nearby was Banker Bill
Consuming his usual fill
Speaking with great shock
Of losing on a stock
Failing to make a kill
The reverend droned a common prayer
The carpenter complained about his chair
The mayor looked for babies to kiss
The widow wept for the husband amiss
An agreement that life was unfair
The day finished with a yawn
Dusk coming to complete the dawn
The souls waddled to their places
With sadness etched upon their faces
Time to mow the lawn.
Hell was not what I thought
Things sold, others bought
It was just extremely bland
Like a beach without the sand
Ignorance refusing to be taught.
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