Cracked 5 … April 6th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(4007)

Cracked 5

Rejected Plans for Spring Break

 

A.  The “Building a Sandcastle” competition at Daytona Beach

 

B.  Starting a diet and exercise program

 

C.  Time with Mom and Dad

 

D.  A “Pirate Battle Reenactment” in Fort Lauderdale

 

E.  A urinary tract infection

 

Cracked 5 Pirate

  
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Sit Down Comedy … November 9th, 2018

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Instagrammar for Instagram

It seems appropriate to catch up the American lingo with the times instead of having it linger in the past with moldy ideas. So instead of referring to things like “Self Worth” may I give you the new Instagrammar:

1. Selfie Worth:  Taking a picture while traveling through Fort Worth

2. Selfie Motivation:  Developing a plot line to energize the shot

3. Selfie Awareness: Picking an angle where your nose doesn’t look so big

4. Selfie Destruction:  Delete, delete and again I say, DELETE

5. Selfie Less:  Not so much smiling

6. Selfie Fish:  Shooting the perfect pic near the beach

7. Selfie Deception:  Convinced you have lost weight because the snapshot only has half of your face

8. Selfie Denial:  Patiently waiting until after your grandma’s funeral before posing again

9. Selfie Realization:  Fewer pics in congested traffic around grouchy cops

10. Selfie Centered:  Finding the perfect headroom

 

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PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant … December 21st, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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pohymn-sunshine

Sun of the Beach

 

Sunshine, feeling fine

But what would I know?

Left my shoes at the beach

And then I stubbed my toe

 

Turned and cursed the guilty rock

Limped along an ocean block

Stumbled over a three-inch rut

Fell upon my big fat butt

 

A child laughed, I gave a glare

His mother frowned, I didn’t care

Me required some gentle look

That is what it would took

 

To keep me from killing the boy

Who bled and died near his toy

Had it coming! was my excuse

Went to jail, couldn’t refuse

 

Arrested I was for a natural deed

Curious how the farce would lead

A trial before a grumpy judge

Who gave the jury a threatening nudge

 

Convict the kid killer! he said

I realized I was surely dead

I removed my sock to display my toe

Swollen and sore–all aglow

 

Looking for someone kind

No sympathy did I ever find

Guilty, they said,

Pronounced me dead

 

Thus my song has been sung

Three days later I was hung

So here’s my conclusion, the bottom line

It’s best to stay clear of all sunshine

 

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PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant…May 6th, 2015

 

  Jonathots Daily Blog

(2573)

PoHymn May 6

A Hellish Dream

I dreamed I went to hell

It did not go very well

I expected to see killers

And there were the Millers

Who lived on Sunset near Bell

 

They sat eating Sunday taters

Gossiping like all known traitors

Believing themselves to be fine

A little whine with their dine

Complaining about the colored waiters

 

Nearby was Banker Bill

Consuming his usual fill

Speaking with great shock

Of losing on a stock

Failing to make a kill

 

The reverend droned a common prayer

The carpenter complained about his chair

The mayor looked for babies to kiss

The widow wept for the husband amiss

An agreement that life was unfair

 

The day finished with a yawn

Dusk coming to complete the dawn

The souls waddled to their places

With sadness etched upon their faces

Time to mow the lawn.

 

Hell was not what I thought

Things sold, others bought

It was just extremely bland

Like a beach without the sand

Ignorance refusing to be taught.

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