Cracked 5 … August 23rd, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3042)

Signs That Summer Is Coming To An End

A. Deflated pool toys floating down the stream to the river below

 

B. Mis-matched shorts and bikini tops marked down at Wal-Mart

 

C. Chocolate marshmallow angels and snowmen stocked on the shelf at the Dollar General checkout line

 

D. Footballs flying, ceasing the masses pretending that baseball is a sport

 

E. Check a calendar, dork.

 

 

Jonathan’s Latest Book Release!

PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant

Click here to get your copy now!

 

 

Cracked 5 … January 13, 2015

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(2472)

Comments overheard near the runway at an Amish fashion show:

A. “That high collar really brings out her ears.”

B. “Dang! I’d like to get her in my buggy.”

C. “Pardon me…is this the men’s or women’s show?”

D. “That black hemp tunic is really smokin’!”

E. “My favorites? The plowing pantsuit and the barn-raisin’ bikini.”

 

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Untotaled: Stepping 49 (July 13th, 1969) My First Bikini…January 10, 2015

  Jonathots Daily Blog

(2469)

(Transcript)

Being painfully bored, I was greatly relieved when Marsha called and said that some of the kids from school were getting together to hang out, drive around Westerville and see if we could have some fun without getting in trouble.

She wanted to use my 1962 Chevy Impala because it was big enough to seat seven people.

I agreed.

We had a great time, but we did start running out of things to do, so we headed off to an area of our community where all the rich people lived. The locals usually did this because we wanted to drive by their houses and talk about what brats they were.

Suddenly Marsha suggested that Carol, who was with us and was about to get her driver’s license, take the wheel and try her luck. As unbelievable as it may sound now, in a moment of sanity, we all thought it was a great idea on that day.

Carol got in the car and the first thing she did was put it in reverse and back my automobile into a deep ditch.

We spent the next twenty minutes trying to get out of the predicament. Then Marsha noticed we were across the street from one of our friends from school, so she walked down the long drive to try to get some assistance. While she was gone, miraculously, we were able to wiggle the car out of the ditch, so by the time she returned with her friend the problem was solved.

As I looked up, there was the girl from the house down the long driveway, standing there, wearing a bikini. It was my first bikini.

Normally Ohio people wear clothing–similar to the reason that bears have fur–for protection, warmth and of course, modesty. But there before me was a bikini, displaying its fruit like a bowl full of cherries.

I don’t know why it shocked me so much. Perhaps I had never been that close to breasts that didn’t belong to my mother. I tried not to stare, and of course, when you try not to do something, it becomes even more obvious that you’re doing it.

She was dressed in a bikini because she had a swimming pool, which normally would have caused us to make fun of her, but since she was wearing a bikini, I reconsidered.

She was the same girl who believed the Easter bunny lived at her house, and who sat next to me in biology class like a timid lump of nothing.

But today she was a bikini.

We didn’t stay long, but all the way back to town I was thinking about the sight. I thought about it all that night. I woke up the next morning thinking about my first bikini.

So later that afternoon, I called the bikini girl on the phone and I asked her out on a date. I realized that some of my friends would ridicule me because they had characterized her as a rich weirdo, but I didn’t care. I was driven by a higher force–certainly not as high as the heavens, but floating somewhere above the earth.

I learned that day that romance needs more than love. It requires lust.

And lust has a very brief lifespan without love.

 

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Untotaled: Stepping 19–(February 16th, 1965) Achy … June 21, 2014

Jonathots Daily Blog

(2270)

(Transcript)

Just south of my rib cage, ending just north of my knees, is an aching, throbbing pain, which has a grip on me and won’t let go. It is a gnawing discomfort, tingling my bowels, unrelenting, yet strangely, not totally unpleasant.

I felt it for the first time last summer when I went to Benny’s house–a friend of mine in the neighborhood–to goof around and figure out what to do with the day to make it go quick and slow at the same time.

As I arrived, there was Benny’s mom, standing outside with a garden hose, watering her bushes, dressed in a bikini. That was the first time I felt the ache.

It possessed my body. I didn’t want to look at her but I had to because she was … well, she was everywhere. She turned and smiled, which only made the ache worse. I couldn’t make eye contact because my vision kept falling on larger proportions.

I excused myself, telling her I had to go home. But I really didn’t. I ran to a nearby tree and hid, peeking around the corner of the bark, to stare at her.

The ache increased. It was almost unbearable in an exciting kind of way. I wasn’t sure if I needed to go to the bathroom or if my stomach was exploding.

Every time she glanced in the direction of the tree, I ducked behind it. But unfortunately, being a large young fellow, I protruded from the width of my disguise.

So the next time I ventured a glance, she was staring in my direction. She waved at me. I produced some sort of lame response using my hand, and ran to my house, into the garage, into the furthest corner where there was a fishing tackle box and a bucket we used for minnows.

I grabbed a nearby tarp and threw it over me so nobody could see me. I just sat there, smoldering in the heat, aching.

After about fifteen minutes, it went away.

But now today at school, it’s back again. It happened when we were called to an assembly and Louise turned around in her chair to talk to me before the principal began the event.

She’s so pretty–and the ache is back, so strong that I cannot enjoy the magician and his show, planned for the assembly. Instead, I just dream of Louise and me, together.

The ache.

Do you know what I mean? 

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After an appearance earlier this year in Surprise, Arizona, Janet and I were blessed to receive a “surprise” ourselves. Click on the beautiful Arizona picture above to share it with us!

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Please contact Jonathan’s agent, Jackie Barnett, at (615) 481-1474, for information about scheduling SpiriTed in 2014.

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