Cracked 5 … April 18th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4384)

Items You May Need to Go Out and Deal with Bull

A. Crap detector

 

B. Red cape and a clown

 

C.  A bully

 

D. A bulldozer

 

E. Seductive pictures of cows – utter porn

 

 

Sit Down Comedy … June 28th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4091)

What it takes to be a:

Politician—Finding yourself unexplainably interesting

Mother—Still not crying over spilled milk

Father—Hanging around to plan birthday parties

Football player—Surviving the hits

Farmer—First, plant yourself

Chauvinist—Act like a pig

Christian—Hate religion but love Jesus

Soldier—Take orders

Banker—Be-A-Count-Able

Butcher—A real cut-up

Blogger—Keeping your parents’ basement reasonably clean

Housewife—A house, a husband…a kitchen

Model—Cat-walking (no fur)

Singer—Croon in tune

Dancer—Stepping up to the routine

Professor—Be noteworthy

Poet—Making rhyme with your reason

Carpenter—Nailing it down and not screwing it up

Pilot—Staying high at all times

Salesman—Selling out

Uber Driver—Unoffended when angry people tell you where to go

Author—Finding the words, editing the turds

Doctor—Smooth operator

Lawyer—Making a federal case out of everything

Matador—Swooshing through the bullshit with your glorious cape

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