Jonathots Daily Blog
(4258)
Totally and Completely Politically Incorrect Names to Give to Elves
A. Shortbread
B. Little Hands
C. Tinker Bill
D. Brief
E. Grounded
Cracked 5 … December 7th, 2019
Jonathots Daily Blog
(4251)
Things Santa Claus’s Therapist Could Certainly Tell You
A. He wears a beard to cover his leprosy scars.
B. He refuses to accept that the red costume makes him look fifty pounds heavier.
C. Reindeer smell bad and attack black kids.
D. He never married Mrs. Claus. (It’s a long story.)
E. Can’t leave him alone for more than five minutes at a time with small children.
Cracked 5 … November 30th, 2019
Jonathots Daily Blog
(4244)
Mistakes Often Made on Thanksgiving Day
A. Asking Grandma what she’s thankful for—right before we’re supposed to start eating
B. Saying, “The ham is good but nothing ‘trumps’ the turkey.” (Politics begins…)
C. Pointing out that the Pilgrims were illegal immigrants.
D. Asking what the calorie count is on each dish that comes your way.
E. Telling Aunt Minnie you like her Jell-O salad with the carrots—and she keeps passing to you over and over again.
