Untotaled: Stepping 49 (July 13th, 1969) My First Bikini…January 10, 2015

  Jonathots Daily Blog

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(Transcript)

Being painfully bored, I was greatly relieved when Marsha called and said that some of the kids from school were getting together to hang out, drive around Westerville and see if we could have some fun without getting in trouble.

She wanted to use my 1962 Chevy Impala because it was big enough to seat seven people.

I agreed.

We had a great time, but we did start running out of things to do, so we headed off to an area of our community where all the rich people lived. The locals usually did this because we wanted to drive by their houses and talk about what brats they were.

Suddenly Marsha suggested that Carol, who was with us and was about to get her driver’s license, take the wheel and try her luck. As unbelievable as it may sound now, in a moment of sanity, we all thought it was a great idea on that day.

Carol got in the car and the first thing she did was put it in reverse and back my automobile into a deep ditch.

We spent the next twenty minutes trying to get out of the predicament. Then Marsha noticed we were across the street from one of our friends from school, so she walked down the long drive to try to get some assistance. While she was gone, miraculously, we were able to wiggle the car out of the ditch, so by the time she returned with her friend the problem was solved.

As I looked up, there was the girl from the house down the long driveway, standing there, wearing a bikini. It was my first bikini.

Normally Ohio people wear clothing–similar to the reason that bears have fur–for protection, warmth and of course, modesty. But there before me was a bikini, displaying its fruit like a bowl full of cherries.

I don’t know why it shocked me so much. Perhaps I had never been that close to breasts that didn’t belong to my mother. I tried not to stare, and of course, when you try not to do something, it becomes even more obvious that you’re doing it.

She was dressed in a bikini because she had a swimming pool, which normally would have caused us to make fun of her, but since she was wearing a bikini, I reconsidered.

She was the same girl who believed the Easter bunny lived at her house, and who sat next to me in biology class like a timid lump of nothing.

But today she was a bikini.

We didn’t stay long, but all the way back to town I was thinking about the sight. I thought about it all that night. I woke up the next morning thinking about my first bikini.

So later that afternoon, I called the bikini girl on the phone and I asked her out on a date. I realized that some of my friends would ridicule me because they had characterized her as a rich weirdo, but I didn’t care. I was driven by a higher force–certainly not as high as the heavens, but floating somewhere above the earth.

I learned that day that romance needs more than love. It requires lust.

And lust has a very brief lifespan without love.

 

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Untotaled: Stepping 47 (April 20th, 1969) Demise… December 27, 2014

  Jonathots Daily Blog

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(Transcript)

Even though I only lived a few blocks from the high school, I drove my car there–because I could.

I also went home for lunch even though it was basically against policy. Once again, because I could.

On April 20th, I decided to drive to my abode to raid the refrigerator, avoiding the cafeteria surprises. On my way I stopped off at my mom and dad’s little loan company and there was a note on the door. It read:

Closed. Family Emergency.

I knew what that meant.

My dad was in failing health. More accurately stated, he was dying. Forty-five years of cigarette smoking had caught up with him, riddling his body with cancer. So desperate was his situation that there was a quiet celebration among the family when it was discovered that the disease had spread to his brain and in doing so, had closed off the pain centers, making him less of the suffering soul.

I didn’t want to go to the house but I knew it was expected. I pulled up in the driveway and was climbing the steps to the porch when I first heard it: from the upstairs, through the walls, was the hideous volume of my dad gasping for air.

It was a death rattle.

I could not bring myself to go in. I turned around, headed back to school and was so angry–at my dad and at myself–that I skipped the next two classes.

I was furious at myself for being so cowardly, and a rotten person because I didn’t want to be near my father in his last moments.

And I was infuriated with him for destroying his body with smoke instead of dealing with his inadequacies.

I arrived back at school for the last hour of classes. After the session was over for the day I headed to a friend’s house and hung out for the rest of the evening.

Nobody knew where I was. I liked it that way.

I arrived home at ten o’clock. My older brother was waiting for me. He told me that our dad had passed away a couple of hours earlier.

I didn’t feel much, barely even noticing how pissed off my brother was that I hadn’t been there for the death-bed.

He was my dad–but I never knew him. And in like manner, he didn’t know that much about me.

Now he was dead. His ashes of ashes would turn to dust.

I cried.

Honestly, it was not for my lost parent. I cried, feeling sorry for myself.

He deserved a better son. But he should have been wise enough to realize that teenage sons don’t get better.

That is the duty and the mission … of a father.

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Tanks of Thanks … November 21, 2013

Jonathots Daily Blog

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tanksBefore we gather together to ask the Lord’s blessing, performing our hastening and chastening–yes, just prior to going through the normal list of fundamentals of gratitude with family, friends, finance, faith and freedom–and certainly just short of chomping down on that first bite of turkey and taking a crescent roll to sop up the gravy, may I suggest that we quickly consider and review some lesser-known blessings that often escape inclusion in the quick prayer uttered for Thanksgiving dinner?

1. Of the 12,420 diseases known to man, I have successfully negotiated myself through another year of avoiding most of them. (It appears I am somewhat immune).

2. I am happy to report that I squeaked by from 76 near-collisions in traffic, making it possible for me to not have a “bender in my fender.”

3. Interestingly enough, I almost tripped 54 times without falling on my face–or any other body part, for that matter.

4. Are you ready for this? I successfully found my keys 243 times without cussing.

5. I rejoice in the fact that I have had more good night’s sleep than not.

6. I am not too much fatter than last year.

7. How about this one? I didn’t get audited.

8. I was not caught sleeping during Sunday sermon.

9. My family is mostly healthy.

10. Much to my glee, I didn’t have the job of explaining the government to anybody.

11. I ate some delicious fish, poultry, beef, pork and seafood without feeling too guilty around my granddaughter, who now insists she’s a vegetarian.

12. Laughed more than I cried.

13. More “car running” than “car repair.”

14. Said hello more to new friends than good-bye to old ones.

15. I am delighted to note that I prayed more than I cursed.

16. I learned more than I forgot.

17. Praised more than I complained.

18, Believed more than I doubted.

19. More sunshine than rain.

20. And finally, even though I sometimes acted like a turkey, I still kept my head on this Thanksgiving.

My dear brothers and sisters, I have tanks of thanks.

All I can say is: Dear God, come and fill ‘er up.

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If God Were… August 16, 2013

Jonathots Daily Blog

(1977)

corvetteIf God were a car, I think He would be a Corvette Stingray with kid seats in the back and an extra-large trunk.

How about if God were a pizza? He would order the Garden of Eden “special”–many vegetables, extra cheesy, with unleavened crust.

A movie? Forrest Gump meets Edward Scissor Hands, The Empire Strikes Back and Meet John Doe.Edward

If God were a city, He would be the blend of San Diego, Toronto, Chicago, New York City, and Zürich. Perhaps Butte, Montana.

If God were a song He would choose a tongue-in-cheek America Bless God sung by Weird Al Yankovic.

If God were sex, He would be in favor of all of it. (Keep in mind, He came up with the idea.)grand canyon

A church? The Grand Canyon.

Book? I think The Little Engine that Could.

Music? Simple-dimple without a pimple. It would be joyful and noisy.

And finally, if God were a quote, I think He would reach into the works of Will Rogers: “I never met a man I didn’t like.”

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The First Time… March 22, 2012

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The first time I saw the ocean, I cried–a bit of marveling mingled with the saltiness of the air.

The first time I saw a bee, I giggled–bouncing from flower to flower, suspended yet animated.

The first time I kissed a girl, my heart stopped; then every sense accelerated into high gear, yearning to race to the finish line.

The first time I got sick, I wanted to die, but was later thankful for the prudent delay.

The first time I heard applause for my work, I smiled all over, refreshed by the wave of appreciation.

The first time I made love, my body briefly left my soul, to revel in its moment of acceptance.

The first time I was baptized, I opened my eyes under the water to view the cloudiness that was my heart.

The first time I heard a choir, I rejoiced in knowing that harmony in the masses was not only beautiful, but possible.

The first time I saw a mountain, I wanted to perch at its peak, minus the climb.

The first time I made people laugh, I felt like God–right after He created the sun.

The first time I was granted a miracle, my soul gazed at the heavens in wonder, as my head remained bowed.

The first time I held my son, I was in Eden, dancing around the Tree of Life.

The first time I failed, I was in awe that the rising dawn was unaware of my inadequacy.

The first time I drove a car–honestly, I favored the brake.

The first time I ate Chinese food, I resisted thinking about our family cat.

The first time I sang, I felt as if I were whispering into God’s ear.

And every first time I have a first time, I am grateful for this time … to discover The First.

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Below is the first chapter of Jonathan Richard Cring’s stunning novel entitled Preparing a Place for Myself—the story of a journey after death. It is a delicious blend of theology and science fiction that will inspire and entertain. I thought you might enjoy reading it. After you do, if you would like to read the book in its entirety, please click on the link below and go to our tour store. The book is being offered at the special price of $4.99 plus $3.99 shipping–a total of $8.98. Enjoy.

http://www.janethan.com/tour_store.htm

Sitting One

 I died today. 

I didn’t expect it to happen.  Then again, I did—well, not really.

No, I certainly didn’t expect it.

I’ve had moments of clarity in my life.  Amazingly enough, many of them were in the midst of a dream. For a brief second I would know the meaning of life or the missing treatment to cure cancer.  And then as quickly as it popped into my mind it was gone. I really don’t recollect dying.  Just this unbelievable sense of clear headedness—like walking into a room newly painted and knowing by the odor and brightness that the color on the wall is so splattering new that you should be careful not to touch it for fear of smearing the design. The greatest revelation of all? 

Twenty-five miles in the sky time ceases to exist.

The planet Pluto takes two hundred and forty-eight years to circle the sun. It doesn’t give a damn. 

The day of my death was the day I became free of the only burden I really ever had.  TIME.

Useless.

Time is fussy.  Time is worry. 

Time is fear.  Time is the culprit causing human-types to recoil from pending generosity. 

There just was never enough time. 

Time would not allow it.  Remember—“if time permits …”

Why if time permits?  Why not if I permit?  Why not if I dream?  Why not if I want?  Why does time get to dictate to me my passage? 

It was time that robbed me of my soulful nature.    It was time that convinced me that my selfishness was needed. 

I didn’t die. The clock in me died, leaving spirit to tick on.  

So why don’t we see the farce of time?  Why do we allow ourselves to fall under the power of the cruel despot?  Yes, time is a relentless master—very little wage for much demand.

I died today. 

Actually … a piece of time named after me was cast away.

The “Ants” That Make Us Cry “Uncle” — October 1, 2011

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1912. The world was erupting with innovation and invention.

  • A canal had been constructed across the Isthmus of Panama, connecting the east and west, making both commerce and communication more plausible.
  • In a twenty year span, we had gone from horses to cars, from trains to airplanes and from mere boats to … the Titanic.

The Titanic was the greatest ship that had ever been built. It was huge, luxurious, modern and seemingly impenetrable and unsinkable.  Everyone believed this–even her captain. But it is very important in the process of creating a righteous environment that those who lead us maintain enough of an inquisitive nature that they permit learning to occur instead of settling in to ignorance. The public could believe anything it wanted to. The manufacturer could tout that the Titanic was incapable of being harmed in any way. But the captain had responsibility to not only know his ship, but more importantly, be aware of the ocean where he traveled. After all, being a captain is not merely steering a ship. Being a captain is steering a ship safely through the unknown waters. Maybe that’s where we get the word “leader-ship”–because to lead, you must be able to understand everything about your ship, but also everything that your ship will be going through en route to its safe destination.

If you don’t, the end result is ignorant: I ignore the world around me. It is the doorway to foolishness.

*In religion, we have no awareness of what other people believe and whether those contentions parallel anything of our thought patterns–or even are contrary to human success.

*In politics, a party line is passed along and spoken aloud as the objection against the platform of the other side without any real understanding of either source or motivation.

*And in corporations, our product is just better because…well, we made it.

A captain got on a ship in 1912 and because he was told that it was unsinkable and he felt he was well-prepared in learning all of its ins and outs, he ended up killing himself and fifteen hundred other people–because he lacked knowledge of the world around him  He was ignorant.

And this caused him to be arrogant.  Here’s my definition of arrogant: arrogant occurs when I am positive of my beliefs. Most people would disagree with me and call that conviction.  But all in all, we are just too fragile and human to allow ourselves to possess convictions. We must preface everything we believe–and even put forth in conversation very careful disclaimers of “this is what I think, but I’m willing to listen to other ideas.”

How about this? I realized the other day that 99% of the time I am an atheist. So are you. Because more than likely, if you’re reading this, you believe in one God. That means the other 99 gods out there touted by other religions you insist are mythical or even comical. 1% of the time you are God-fearing, and to the rest of the world, 99% of the time you are Godless.  It’s a different perspective–see what I mean?

But it begins by being ignorant.  “I ignore the world around me.”

Even though God made the world and has placed a system within it for us to learn, for some reason I have chosen to ignore the world because I feel I have garnered enough data to be successful without learning anything else. And this leads to arrogant“I am positive of my beliefs.”

The captain of the Titanic was so sure that his ship was in great shape that he didn’t even have binoculars for his crew to spot icebergs with. They didn’t even provide an adequate number of  life boats for the entire passenger list. Why would you? If you were positive in your belief that the Titanic was unsinkable and you had chosen to ignore the world around you–what would be the problem?

But ignorant and arrogant often leads to a third “ant”–intolerant. Quite frequently, the ocean around you will rise up with ice, strike your ship and find its weakness–and you will have to decide whether to be broken in repentance or angry over the results. Intolerant is the notion that “I will stubbornly cling to my truth.”  And of course, “my truth” consists of those beliefs I am positive about because I have ignored the world around me.

That night in 1912, a literal perfect storm of stupidity linked together to kill off human beings for no particularly good reason. It is because “ignorant” led to “arrogant” and ended with “intolerant.”

I’m going to give you a statistic and I want you to think about it. It is an important one. And before you accept OR reject it, I want you to try it out.  There is nothing I write to you in jonathots that is sacred as it lies on the paper.  (Or screen, in this case.)  It becomes valuable as it is able to bless human beings.  Here is what I want you to consider:

 70% of the anger and frustration that plagues our existence can disappear if we will admit that we’re just not sure.

Think about that. Most of the arguments, fussing, divorces, wars, splits and even bodily harm that occur amongst our species is caused by people who are ignorant of the world around them, arrogant about their beliefs, and intolerant because they feel it is necessary to defend their truth. God and nature are always trying to teach us something new.  Most of us just don’t show up for class.  If we took five minutes to ask ourselves one simple question–“what if I”m wrong?”–that solitary inquiry could resolve the majority of our dilemmas.

What would have happened if a captain in 1912, when asked about the danger of icebergs by his crew, instead of saying, “Don’t worry about it,” would have said, “Tell you what let’s do.  Let’s play it safe and put a double watch on it, just to protect our friends on board.” But to do that, he would have had to overcome being ignorantignoring the world around him; arrogantbeing positive about his belief in his ship,  and finally, intolerantclinging to his decisions in spite of the objections of his crew.

Fifteen hundred people could have walked off a ship in New York City, safe and sound, because one man avoided the “ants.” 

Yes, the “ants” that always end up making us cry “uncle.”

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Jonathan Sings “Spent This Time”

Jonathan Sings “Harvest Time”

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