Jonathots Daily Blog
VIII.
I confess so I can heal.
If I deny, I remain sick.
I. D. I.
It is an acronym. It stands for “I Deserve It.”
All the sin and stupidity of mankind throughout the centuries have been fostered by that assertion.
Why do we get so confused?
- No human deserves hell.
- Nor does any human deserve heaven.
- So God gave us Earth, which is neither.
It’s just the place where we are supposed to sort through who we really are and cease to insist on propagating and promoting what we think we deserve.
When I was fifteen years old, my brother asked me to babysit his children. I didn’t want to do it. Why? Because I was fifteen years old–did I tell you that?
I didn’t want to do anything. I was even stalled about pursuing what I thought I wanted to do because it seemed like too much of a commitment.
But my dear brother and his lovely bride promised to compensate me financially.
I didn’t have any money. Oh, occasionally I would get offered some finance from my parents if I owed something at school or if there was a special something-or-other coming up.
So the potential of actually holding some funds in my hands made me willing to become a caretaker for nephews and niece.
My brother and his wife had started a business, and they were doing well. Looking back, I realize that they were only in their late twenties or early thirties, and considering their age, they were prosperous.
When I arrived at their home to watch their children and they left to go out on their date, I discovered, in their makeshift office, a tackle box which was open and had lots of coinage and some paper money sticking out.
Being a good Christian boy, I immediately left the room and tried to forget about the temptation a mere fifteen feet away.
But I wanted that money. I became obsessed.
After a while I gave in. I took out six quarters. It seemed like a lot to me at the time, but I thought they might not miss it considering the makeup of the cash in the box.
After that I agreed to babysit frequently, and each time I took out money from their little treasure chest–a little more each and every visit. But I never touched the paper money–until one night I saw two one dollar bills lying on the desk, separate from the other provision.
I took them.
I don’t know whether my brother and sister-in-law ever knew of my pilfering or not. But I realized after a while that I could not go to their house without stealing, so I avoided their invitations.
I was incapable of escaping my I. D. I.
My sense of “I Deserve It” pushed me to do things that I would have insisted, in my Sunday School class, were evil and unacceptable.
I learned that day that as long as we believe I. D. I. and feel cheated when we don’t have it, we will do anything if the opportunity arises.
As I look at my life today, I realize that I am no less a thief. I have just taken my I. D. I. and killed it off daily, mocking it for its selfishness and isolating it for its lack of integrity.
Am I capable of lying and stealing? Absolutely. It is not beyond my scope.
That is why I must take the sensation that “I Deserve It”… and nail it to a cross.
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