Sit Down Comedy … November 15th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Life is like a bucket of bolts without a wrench.

Of course, it isn’t. It’s just one of those attempts at cleverness by an over-reaching writer trying to capture your darting attention to his overwrought work.

It’s kind of like when one of these hacks writes:

If everything has purpose, then God is one sick mofo.

You see what I mean? Trying to walk that fine line between street language, to make you think that he or she, typing the words, is in step with present-day pop culture, while also making you wonder if what’s being expressed is a squirt of agnosticism or a splash of raging against religious profanity.

Of course—maybe it’s just dumb.

Because I will tell you:

I saw an ant pushing a crumb of bread back to his hill. I thought, why doesn’t he eat the damn crumb, and then come back to his buddies and say he couldn’t find anything?

Ah, yes.

A gaggle of giggles to gurgle up an emotion emitting from every man, as alliteration is always alluring.

Of course, it isn’t really. It’s just an overuse of a practice that could benefit from some underuse.

Truth is: Life is a bowl of cherries that somebody already ate, leaving you the pits.

Yet we must not be too critical of those who at least try to make us smile while simultaneously offering food for thought. Granted, the food for thought is often Cheetos and candy bars, but as we all know, those can do quite well in a pinch.

Don’t you sometimes feel like standing on a mountain, or maybe a small hill in Kansas, and scream:

Excuse me, life! It’s your turn to have a good attitude!

But does the author really feel that? Or is the penner of the words merely pointing out that life is taken too seriously for how ridiculous it ends up being?

Because talking to a friend the other day, he said this to me: Life is meeting a beautiful woman and suddenly remembering you are gay. (Of course, this didn’t happen. I don’t have any gay friend.)

Now, there was a surprise, right? And the line is pretty funny. It might even tickle the bone until funny comes forth.

But my discovery is: Wisdom is when knowledge stops planning and starts working.

Wow. This kinda reads like the phrase a philosophy teacher might write on the chalkboard during the first class on the first morning of the first semester of the first year of an overly lengthy education.

So what is life? Or should that question even be asked? Is posing it just a setup for over-inspirational ideas or sardonic punchlines?

Does it cause us to come with a phrase like: Life is like getting a knee replacement and then breaking your leg.

At least there are layers. Gives you pause. Makes you twinge a bit in sympathetic agony.

One of my favorites is: Life is a beautiful bouquet of flowers that smells like poop.

Now, that could get some conversation going if you were really bored, had nothing to do and happened to be hanging out with a geek.

I don’t know—what do you think works? Do I really care—what works, and what you think?

Would you agree with me that we can’t be trusted on our own?

Human beings are too intelligent to be released with their flakey attitudes.

Here’s what I think:

We need a god if for no other reason than to keep us from worshipping ourselves.

And all the people said, “A-men.” (Did you say it out loud? Do you now feel stupid because I asked you?)

Our journey is a strange one.

Quite candidly: Life is a fork when you’ve been given a plate of peas.

Yes. That’s somewhat like it, isn’t it? Not.

Life is like a railroad, except there’s no train of thought and it’s hard to get on track.

Huh. I guess it’s not like a railroad at all.

 

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Jesonian: Belly-Aching … May 4, 2014

Jonathots Daily Blog

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He said, “Everybody understands the problems. There’s no need to keep talking about them. We should stop belly-aching.”

He is a minister of the Gospel.

Over the years he has convinced himself that he prefers the “more positive” teachings of Jesus of Nazareth and wishes to focus on them in order to build a congregation of believers who think good thoughts and don’t generate any negative energy toward the world around them.

Here’s the problem: injustice will never leave as long as it’s making a profit. So it’s up to the prophets to chase injustice away through pointing out its hypocrisy and deceit.

Even though Jesus is portrayed by many churches as a combination of Gandhi and a hippie attending Woodstock, the young Nazarene actually has quite an edge.

Especially as he reached the end of his Earth journey, he began to spout off profusely against the excesses of religion, the selfishness of systems and the indifference of leadership.

There are three chapters in a row–Matthew 23, 24 and 25–where he exhibits his own form of belly-aching. Because you see, belly-aching occurs when you consume something that doesn’t agree with you, and is only relieved when you dispel the thing with which you do not agree.

Understanding that most of you may not want to read the three chapters, if you will allow me, I’ll summarize:

In Matthew 23, Jesus viciously attacks the scribes, Pharisees and lawyers who used their position to extort wealth while doing nothing to relieve the burdens of the people around them. He claims that they cared more for their traditions than they did for the human beings placed in their charge.

So because of their iniquity, in Matthew 24 he informs them that the Romans would come and dismantle their entire hierarchy and destroy their city.

To further reiterate the necessity for repentance, he tells a series of parables in Matthew 25 about a Judgement Day in which God, our Father and Creator, will expect us to deliver evidence of our faith and victory during our human escapade.

The three chapters are full of complaint, warnings, admonitions and some downright insults.

We forgive this belly-aching because the prophesy came true and we understand that the message Jesus preached survives today. To determine whether we are just purveyors of doom and gloom or messengers of hope, we have to keep three things in mind:

1. Never do anything to hurt people, but also do not permit anything to happen that is hurting people.

2. Never offer a warning without giving an olive branch of hope. Nothing is over until God says it is.

3. Always note progress–even if it’s a little–and appreciate it when you see movement toward sanity.

So am I a belly-acher?

If I run across ideas which historically have been proven to be foolish, and I see injustice which is cheating people out of the value of their human lives, or if I come across greed which is suffocating the life out of the needy, I will speak out, using every bit of cleverness, comedy and even cunning that I can muster.

Because without doing this, we become part of a third clump … the ones who stood by and watched the oppressor oppress the helpless.

 

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