Cracked 5 … October 19th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4202)

Reasons It’s a Bad Idea to Give College Athletes Money for Playing

 

A. They are still crazy-ass teenagers and will get stoned and kill themselves.

 

B. They will grab the dough, skip town and LMAO in the Caribbean

 

C. They will want a raise on Month Two

 

D. Their wrecked cars will be piling up in the dormitory parking lots

 

E. It’ll be difficult to figure out the 72 cents on the dollar to give to the females

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation for this inspirational opportunity 

 

Cracked 5 … October 12th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4195)

Really Horrible Ideas for Movie Plots Based on the Month of October

A. Octo-Beer: a researcher mysteriously discovers a cure for cancer, using beer from a German Octoberfest, only to have his data stolen by a jealous winery.

 

B. Octo-Puss: a cartoon cat discovers he was born with only eight of his nine lives. Will he find the lost life before it’s too late?

 

C. Octo-Schmocto: a hair-brained comedy about a rabbi from New York City who invents a Yamakah that massages your head while you wear it, stimulating brain activity. The problem? He must sell one million of the little hats before Halloween, or the loan sharks will come and kill him. Comedy ensues.

 

D. The Search for Green October: a climatologist attempts to extend summer into October by placing space heaters in the woods. His plans “Fall” short.

 

E. Octo-Bear: a man-eating grizzly roams the hills of Tennessee, killing White Supremacists. Is it because the bear is black? Is he funded?

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation for this inspirational opportunity