Cracked 5 … March 30th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

Things You Might Want to Do Upon Posting Your 4,000th Daily Blog

 

A.  Call Leonardo DiCaprio and yell into the phone, “No! I am the King of the World!”

 

B.  Write some sort of stupid article or comedy piece to announce it

 

C.  Sit by your phone waiting for CNN and Fox News to contact you, while ordering a pizza, pretending they already did

 

D.  Pick your nose—without shame, blame or any regard for the politically correct masses

 

E.  Purposely choose to develop writer’s block

Jonathan Richard Cring

  
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Sit Down Comedy … November 2nd, 2018

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So Close

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G-Poppers … March 17th, 2017

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Jon close up

G-Pop has a message for his children.

Please keep in mind, G-Pop isn’t always right–it’s more like G-Pop has an eye for noticing what’s wrong. It doesn’t mean everything he says is going to work perfectly. It just means that everything that’s being said right now is working horribly.

Today G-Pop wants to talk about the “Art of Smart.”

Life on Planet Earth is not complicated if you understand that it does come with instructions. Now, whether you believe those instructions come from Nature, from God or from your own enlightened spirit is up to you. But there are three obvious parts to the “Art of Smart:”

1. Don’t join with the world.

Truthfully, the world is usually wrong. Fads fade. Trends phase out. And we eventually come back to universal principles that grant us purpose. You don’t need to be a brat about it, but you need to be leery of people who think you’re out of step simply because you refuse to chase the bandwagon.

2. Don’t give up on people.

Human beings are not going away. They’re also not going to change because you desire it. The best exercise for the human spirit is to learn how to get along with other people–especially when it’s not easy. You will never get the respect of the true God of the Universe by criticizing His favorite creation.

3. Don’t be afraid to be wrong.

Don’t delay admitting it. Don’t regret it happened. Be ecstatically overjoyed that you caught the wrong before it killed you. Every human being is wrong at least half the time.

If G-Pop told you that your car would only start on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and maybe on Sunday, you would know your vehicle is not trustworthy.

Likewise, your instincts will not carry you through to happy conclusions all the time. So develop a profile, a style, an attitude, a sense of humor and a repentance over those frequent occasions when you discover you’re wrong, and realize that the sooner you change, the quicker you will get back to being successful.

This is the “Art of Smart.”

  • You will not hear it on CNN tonight.
  • Fox News has decided not to carry it.
  • It will not be touted by the President, Congress or any of the members of the Cabinet.

G-Pop is giving you an advantage of being on the cutting edge by avoiding the world, working with people and admitting you’re wrong.

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Good News and Better News … October 24th, 2016

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good-news-plainwell-stage

Yesterday when I arrived at the First United Methodist Church of Plainwell, Michigan, a gentleman asked me, “So, what do you think about the 2016 Presidential election?”

I replied, “It’s like going to the grocery store to get some steak and finding out they’ve only got baloney.”

Yes. The campaign is just “cold cuts.”

So it’s very important that when we come to church, we give those who have chosen to attend a “people experience”–full of emotion, joy, humor and inspiration–because they certainly are not going to get it on MSNBC, CNN or Fox News. Likewise, neither Donald nor Hillary are motivated to edify people.

My Plainwell experience began the day before when I arrived for setup, and was delighted to meet Pastor Kathy and Sue, who generously afforded us their efforts, hospitality and gentleness. They were absolutely inspiring human beings who just happened to be women.

Therefore, when Sunday rolled around, my heart was full, and I wanted to ensure that everyone I met was aware that even though the world is full of tribulation, this is our season to “be of good cheer.”

good-news-plainwell-cup-and-spoonHowever, serving up good cheer demands that you portion things off in the right units. Otherwise, the recipe doesn’t taste quite right.

For instance, I do think we need a tablespoon of Bible–as long as it’s mingled with a cup of mercy.

How about a tablespoon of prayer, with a cup of helping out?

You can have a handful of church if you throw in a bunch of kindness.

I would welcome a teaspoon of preaching mingled with a quart of living.

I think you can have a cup of worship if you stir in a gallon of joy.

I suppose I could stand a pinch of study, if it will motivate a dash of discovery.

And certainly feel free to throw in a tablespoon of faith–as long as you realize it functions best with a cup full of effort.

The Gospel works because it is suited to people.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells us to find the gaps in the world, and instead of being angry about them, fill them:

  • Life is rather tasteless, so bring your salt.
  • Things get pretty dark, so make sure you light it up.
  • Most people demand–learn to ask.
  • Lots of folks blame. Jesus suggests that we seek.
  • And of course, it’s very common to stand on the outside and feel cheated, but Jesus insists that it’s more fulfilling to knock on the door.

We had a fabulous time yesterday in Plainwell.

We laughed, cried, snickered, snorted, watched, listened and embraced. It was a human event–which means it gave God glory, since He was the One who came up with the idea of humanity in the first place.

So the good news is, church is a great remedy for politics.

And the better news is, the more people-friendly church becomes, the more people will be drawn to it.

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G-Poppers … May 6th, 2016

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Jon close up

The situation is that our solution has actually become our problem.

G-Pop is trying to explain this to his son.

Even though there is a strong contingency of the American public which contends we are a “Christian nation,” when it comes to dealing with others, our prejudices and our policies, we completely abandon the teachings of Jesus in favor of the message of Mesopotamia.

Therefore we tout “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth,” and “our country, right or wrong.”

So we end up with two candidates for President who both have unfavorable ratings and seem baffled by their unpopularity. But it’s really quite simple. Even though there may be a rag-tag group of citizens who cheer arrogance and self-reliance, all of us know in our hearts what is necessary to be a human being:

  1. “From what I know…”
  2.  “I was wrong.”

Any time those two statements are ignored or even pushed to the rear in favor of barnstorming stubbornness, you have a credibility problem.

Since none of us are sure of anything, taking the precaution of being candid about our knowledge is only wise.

In like manner, keeping in our back pocket the ability to be wrong without feeling that we’re diminishing our career is equally as valuable, so that people can trust us.

So it is ironic that we campaign for our two candidates while simultaneously voicing that we don’t trust them.

Of course we don’t.

  • Both of them plot instead of letting the truth play out.
  • They both maneuver instead of managing the circumstances provided.

And they defend themselves instead of allowing the new revelation to push them to the forefront as leaders.

You have to make up your mind. CNN, Fox News and MSNBC may love a fight among the candidates. They say it makes good news. Actually, it makes bad news, which they spin into good revenue through advertising.

But if you’re going to edify people, you will have to be forthcoming about what you presently know and also be prepared to be wrong.

G-Pop realizes there are those reading this who would say, “Politics doesn’t work that way.”

But he would retort, “Therefore, politics doesn’t work.”

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G-Poppers … October 30th, 2015

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Jon close up

G-Pop wants his children to be aware:

“Don’t be overwhelmed with the underwhelming.”

There’s so much in our society that is loud and proud that sometimes it’s difficult to discern the portions of behavior that are valuable, and the truths that are worthy of being upheld.

There are two great dangers in this journey we call human life:

  1. Being convinced that what you’re hearing the most is real.
  2. Being jaded because what you’re hearing the most is insane.

In both cases you put yourself out of the game, becoming either a pawn of the craziness or too cynical to believe in better things.

So what’s the answer?

G-Pop suggests to his children that they stop listening to the noise, and instead, listen for the harmony.

There are ideas that have lasted for thousands of years and have endured the ridiculous to bring the sublime.

G-Pop has a simple test he places on every notion that tries to crowd into his mind:

A. Does it make us laugh?

It’s possible to have laughter that’s based on prejudice and sarcasm, but eventually when we laugh we do learn to chuckle at ourselves and our own inconsistencies. People change more quickly through a giggle than they ever do through a sermon.

B. Does it make us feel?

For you see, the danger is not being inundated with information and painful reports which cause us to close off our hearts so as not to feel the pain anymore, but rather, to limit what comes inside and make sure that we can feel for those around us.

Don’t listen to a report on CNN telling you that 328 people died in an earthquake in Afghanistan. Put yourself under the rubble and you’ll feel the impact.

C. Does it make us better?

Simply watching a movie about depravity is not the pathway to understanding reality. Reality is useless if it doesn’t challenge us to go the second mile and supersede our jungle instinct to find our Garden of Eden.

If you’re listening for the noise, you can’t hear the harmony–and that harmony is a three-part anthem:

  • History sings its truth
  • Present life adds its part
  • And our story chimes in to create a chorus of joy.

 

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Populie: Be Careful What You Say… June 4, 2014

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sticks and stones“Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.”

Many generations have used that little adage as a philosophy to handle the bullying, accusations and lies that fly around when our race attempts to jockey for position.

In times past, a man or woman were judged by what they did instead of what they said. (Honestly, a slip of the tongue is very common on the icy roads of daily fumbling.)

But the choices we make in how we interact with one another and the deeds we choose to perform are in our power.

Yet nowadays, we are obsessed with “right speak.” And “right speak,” by the way, is determined by the mood of the moment.

So very little is being accomplished because the whole world is self-conscious–to make sure and say the appropriate thing.

Religion loves this populie because it sets up a scenario for what we shall call a false persecution complex. If we can convince God that the heathen are attacking us verbally, perhaps some of our indifference and spiritual awkwardness will be forgiven, considering how bullied we are.

Politics uses this “be careful what you say” trend to attack opponents and also to pull up lame, hoping to gain the sympathy of the electorate over false reports.

And of course, entertainment finds this populie profitable because it allows them to test the boundaries of free speech and sell tickets based on alleged controversy.

Yet the most recent bizarre example is that of Donald Sterling and the tape that surfaced with his paramour, discussing racial issues.

First and foremost, that particular conversation he had with the young lady was private. I, for one, would not want things I share in my business meetings with friends and comrades to be trumpeted and played out on CNN.

Secondly, Donald Sterling has done many deeds of prejudice over the years, which should have been called out instead of using the back door of illegal intrusion to alienate and defile him.

Bluntly, I don’t want to judge anyone on his or her words. I will leave that to Almighty God. My job is to look at the fruit people bear in their lives, to determine the soul of their human matter.

Even though we’re not allowed to judge, we are entitled to view the efforts and deeds of our fellow human beings to ascertain their mission and goals.

Not only are we becoming too sensitive to words, believing they actually do break bones, but we are also creating a generation of false apologizers, who have turned repentance into a political maneuver and social evasion.

“I’m sorry” needs to mean “I’m sorry” again. Otherwise, it’s just a gentler way of proclaiming, “Leave me alone.”

Case in point: the chances of me saying something wrong in a daily column are innumerable. But I will not allow you to judge me by a term, a paragraph, or even one entire essay. My life is available for review and is played out on any Google search. Click away.

With that in mind, let me tell you how I believe things should be reviewed:

1. Hear.

Yes, listen for something you agree with and then take the leap to believe in it. Stop trying to be safe with your language so you can please everybody. Commit to something.

2. Do.

Don’t preach at people. Don’t quote scriptures, the Constitution or the latest popular book. Take that belief you have claimed and put it to a challenge, to grant it credibility.

3. Share.

And then, once you’ve gained a testimony–a piece of evidence–don’t decide for others that they should walk in your moccasins. Just tell your story.

I am not going to be careful about what I say. Because of that, I will make errors that are sometimes contrary to my actual heart, life and doings. Instead:

I will hear things that I believe and follow them.

I will do those things faithfully to see if they stand the test of time.

And then I will share my story with no condemnation or criticism in your direction.

In a world where we decry bullying, we are all eventually cast into the role of bully. Then what do you do?

I think we are best served by going back to defending ourselves against sticks and stones … and regain our sense of humor about mere words.

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