Cracked 5 … June 12th, 2018



Jonathots Daily Blog

(3701)

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Things You Can Learn About a North Korean Dictator a Mere Minute After Meeting Him

A. He talks funny

 

B. He has funny eyes

 

C. He has funny hair

 

D. His uniform is really funny

 

E. He, on the other hand, is not funny

 

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Cracked 5 … May 29th, 2018



Jonathots Daily Blog

(3687)

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Ways You Can Tell a Washington Politician is Lying

A. He offers an explanation before an answer

 

B. He drinks water between answers

 

C. He wears a blue or red tie

 

D. He brought with him a staff member to blame

 

E. His comb-over seems “poofier”

 

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Cracked 5 … May 15th, 2018



Jonathots Daily Blog

(3667)

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Intriguing Advantages to Being Totally Bald

 

A.  Avoiding the annoying flirtations of pesky women

 

B.  Landing field for woodpeckers

 

C.  Easier to peel off crusty dandruff

 

D.  Allows your ears to stand out

 

E.  Not tempted to try a comb-over

 

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Cracked 5 … April 24th, 2018



Jonathots Daily Blog

(3652)

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Things You Cannot Say Unless You Want to Be Dubbed a Racist

A. “I’m not a racist.”

 

B. “Then they are racists, too.”

 

C. “As Dr. King said…”

 

D. “You have to admit, things are better…”

 

E. “I honor all cultures, including my own.”

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PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant … April 11th, 2018


 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3639)

The Fly Zone

Here comes the fly

Watch as I try

Like a helpless putz

To squash its pukey guts

But instead it zooms away

Thinking that we play

“Chase me if you can

You pathetic dim-witted man

For I am much too fast

This is why I last

You may have a swatter,

But I can walk on water.”

Buzzing around your ears

Energizing your menacing fears

The fly is not offended

In mid-air appears suspended

Tramping on my favorite treat

With sticky wings and dirty feet

Learning the daily routine

Rising at seven-fifteen

Loves my gooey eggs

Sits on a biscuit and begs,

“Hey, big boy, why can’t we be friends?

Let’s take a moment and make amends!

It’s a big place you’re living in

Give me some room–I’m really thin.

Why can’t you comprehend and try

To understand the reason why

I’m called a house fly

Duh–don’t you get it?

I’m living in your house

Don’t hate or you’ll regret it.

I’ll try to let you nap

And do all your crap

I’ll avoid your food stash

And only buzz your trash

You need to give me release

Let me live my eight days in peace

And try to accept my hairy legs

Did I mention? I just laid some eggs.”

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Cracked 5 … February 13th, 2018



Jonathots Daily Blog

(3582)

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What People Under 20 Years of Age Think You Mean When You Mention Historical Events

A. Valley Forge

A mall??

 

B. Woodstock

The name for the non-metal parts of a rifle

 

C. Gettysburg

The new triple-decker vegetarian patty at Panera Bread

 

D. Watergate

A bridge of some sort?

 

E. Vietnam

The food you have to get when the Thai restaurant is too busy

 

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Cracked 5 … January 30th, 2018



Jonathots Daily Blog

(3568)

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Some Unfortunate Attempts to Come Up With Clever Names for the New Flu Epidemic

A.  Strain “I-B-ILL”

 

B.  Hack-in-sack

 

C.  Squirts (urban dictionary)

 

D.  Type Y.G.M.F. (You Give Me Fever)

 

E.  Flu-idiotly

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