Cracked 5 … February 13th, 2018


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What People Under 20 Years of Age Think You Mean When You Mention Historical Events

A. Valley Forge

A mall??

 

B. Woodstock

The name for the non-metal parts of a rifle

 

C. Gettysburg

The new triple-decker vegetarian patty at Panera Bread

 

D. Watergate

A bridge of some sort?

 

E. Vietnam

The food you have to get when the Thai restaurant is too busy

 

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Cracked 5 … January 30th, 2018


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Some Unfortunate Attempts to Come Up With Clever Names for the New Flu Epidemic

A.  Strain “I-B-ILL”

 

B.  Hack-in-sack

 

C.  Squirts (urban dictionary)

 

D.  Type Y.G.M.F. (You Give Me Fever)

 

E.  Flu-idiotly

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Cracked 5 … November 28th, 2017


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Reasons that Leftover Turkey Often Tastes Better

A. Stewing in its own juices, it found some answers.

 

B. Not needing to compete against the arrogant Honey Baked Ham.

 

C. Spent some time in the “cooler”–got born again.

 

D. People are hungry again by Saturday.

 

E. Rejected at the original feast, it gained character.

 

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Cracked 5 … October 17th, 2017


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In January 1961, during his Inaugural Address, President Kennedy stated, “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.” What few people know is that there were five previous drafts to that statement before arriving at the sixth one which was shared with the public. Today, as a benefit to our readers, we present to you those previous incarnations:

A. Ask for yourself. Your country will do it.

 

B. Ask for a country, just for yourself.

 

C. What your country can do for you–ask me about it.

 

D. What you can do for your country is asking yourself, what has your country done for you?

 

E. Stop asking so much.

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G-Poppers … September 15th, 2017

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Even though from time to time G-Pop has been known to offer social commentary on the world we habitate–sometimes biting–he is fully aware that the only truly effective criticism is that which he offers to his own deeds.

You can’t change the world if you can’t change yourself.

With that in mind, G-Pop would like to reflect back one day. Yesterday he presented a Dudley cartoon about the hurricane. It was pithy, cute–and a little dark. Although he doesn’t think there was anything particularly wrong with the approach, it did lack edification.

What is edification?

Edification is saying or doing what you feel needs to be said and done, never forgetting that the goal is to improve matters.

Comedy is funny if at the heart of the humor there is a desire to expose foolishness and welcome freshness.

G-Pop will never be politically correct, but if he has a passion to correct the political, he must make sure it comes from an abiding sense of hope and charity instead of dismal dismay.

So with that in mind, trying to be an example to his children, as of this morning, G-Pop is taking down yesterday’s Dudley cartoon.

No one complained. No one reacted unfavorably. But the comic was not worthy of the message G-Pop envisions imparting to the world around him at this time.

The lesson here is simple:

Is what you’re saying, thinking and doing coming from a place of vision for mankind?

Or are you jumping ship because you no longer believe in the voyage?

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Cracked 5 … August 29th, 2017


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Ironic Things Overheard on the Deck of the Titanic Shortly Before It Left on Its Final Journey

A. “Reginald, do we need more life boats?”

 

B. “No, Horatio, I just finally got the number even on both sides.”

 

C. “God, I hope I get to see an iceberg–a big’un!”

 

D. “I wonder if they’ll ever make a movie about this boat?”

 

E. “Tell the stewards to save the best wines and caviar for when we get closer to New York.”

 

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Cracked 5 … May 2nd, 2017

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The Real Reasons That President Donald Trump Did Not Attend the White House Correspondents Dinner

 

A. The cooks were from Mexico and the food tasters were Muslim.

 

B. Heard they were serving humble pie.

 

C. Correspondents?? No one corresponded with him!

 

D. Lost his invitation–kept it in the same box with t-shirt reading, “I support the media”

 

E. The duck is always better than the goose

 

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