(2616)
I am a single girl 27 years old. I have never been married. Although I’m not a great beauty, I am pretty OK in the looks department and have plenty of dates. I just haven’t met the right guy. I do want to get married someday and I feel like my time is running out. How can I move up the timetable? I’m not involved with anyone right now, so I’m at square one.
In answering such a question, I always find it’s good to work with the words you provided instead of the ones I try to put in your mouth.
You wanted to make it clear that you’ve never been married, you’re not a great beauty but also not ugly and that you’ve been on plenty of dates. You also believe there’s a “right guy” and there’s some sort of clock that’s ticking.
See, I just derived all of that from reading your question. Shall we take them on one at a time?
There’s nothing wrong with not being married. Matter of fact, there are hundreds and hundreds of relationships you will have in your life which will have nothing to do with consummation or sharing a checking account.
So since this particular relationship is about consummating sexually and having a checking account together, that’s the way you should view it.
It is also apparently important to you to establish that you are passable in the looks department. Even though I am sure your assessment is correct, ugly people do get married.
So your question actually centers around the concept of “the right guy.” I do not know if you believe there is a destined spouse just for you, or if by the “right guy” you mean someone who is at least as attractive as you are, maybe a little more prosperous, and would meet the approval of your friends and family.
But to determine the answer of your question about moving up the timetable–the easiest way to do that is to clear the air about what you, as a person, really want.
What if you found out tomorrow that for some reason you just can’t get married? How big a deal would that be to you? Are you anxious to get married because it’s your heart’s desire, or because you feel uglier as the years pass by, being single?
Moving on from that point, if you really do want to get married, then what would constitute a partner for you who would still interest you romantically after ten years, would not inhibit your personal space, and would keep you laughing?
Because that’s the formula: the right guy is someone who will not try to dominate your dreams, will remain attractive to you in the coming decade and knows how to keep the kind of good cheer in his life that makes you want to be around him.
Other than that, God did not make a “Ken doll” in heaven for you to find on your “Barbie pathway.”
So start looking for people you find interesting, who are solvent and who are funny. If you can match up with those particular virtues, then they, too, will be attracted to you.
But if you’re concerned about “being OK in the looks department” and going on plenty of dates to prove your prowess, the type of guy who is romantic, solvent and funny will probably overlook you.
So as the old adage says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Start creating in yourself what you want out of a future husband.
Be romantic, solvent and funny.
I’ve never found anyone who follows this advice who isn’t married within 18 months. But if you focus on any one of those things above the other, you will also end up married–but with less than the fulfilling package.
You really are not at square one…it’s just that your ideas are square.
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