PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant … June 21st, 2017

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Standing There

I was just seventeen

Trying not to be mean

When I saw her standing there

Is she terrified?

I am

I brushed my teeth four times

Back and forth, side to side

Even upside down

Yet the foul is returning

My deodorant is so damn unpredictable

Was that a whiff of skunk?

I’m sweating

It’s not hot

She is

I’m not

Does she know that I’m plain?

Yes, plain

Dry toast without butter

Marshmallow minus cream

They say women are from Venus

I, supposedly, am from Mars

Could someone build a spaceship?

Maybe we could date on the moon

And gradually come down to Earth

That sounds romantic

No, wait. Corny

Corny is bad

Like my deteriorating breath

She is fidgeting

Or maybe just exercising

I am not athletic

I bounce the ball

And then watch it roll away from me in disgust

Yes, the ball had an opinion

It mocked my efforts to participate

Doesn’t she do most of the stuff I do?

Just not as noisy or smelly

Is there common ground?

Why are we on the ground?

Many magnificent wonders

I want to talk to her

No, I don’t

Talking is dangerous

It demands sentences

Verbs connecting nouns

Yet I need to communicate with her

Hand signals are out of the question.

And unfortunately, spontaneous making out is rare

Some sort of interaction is required

I wish my dog was prettier

Forget I said that

No, promise you forgot

I like girls

Even when they’re women

I just don’t want a mother

I have one

I will savor the unique experience

Why doesn’t she talk to me?

Maybe she can’t talk

A deaf mute

Why does that interest me?

Did she just check her breath?

My God, we do have things in common.The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this inspirational opportunity

 

 

 

 

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Dear Man/Dear Woman: A Noteworthy Conversation … October 15th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Man: I’ve been really looking forward to talking to you about all this craziness in the political scene.

 

Woman: It’s really wacky, isn’t it?

 

Man: Yes, but I get tired of evaluating other people’s actions. The whole discussion got me thinking about my own conversations, interactions and dialogue with women. Am I saying the right things?

 

Woman: Do you think there are right things to say?

 

Man: Yes, I do. Matter of fact, I would like you to explain how some of the common phrases exchanged between men and women–well, how do they sound to you?

 

Woman: Well, I wouldn’t exactly know because we’re not in the moment.

 

Man: I get that. But can we try to discuss it?

 

Woman: Sure. Give me an example.

 

Man: Let’s say I just met you for the first time, and I walked up and said, “You’re so beautiful.” What would you think of that?

 

Woman: I think I would giggle inside. I wouldn’t be offended. But I also would know that you were coming from a school of thought which taught you that women need compliments in order to be opened up.

 

Man: You see–that’s great! Thank you. How about this? “I find you attractive.”

 

Woman: Actually, what you’re saying is that you see me as attractive, but you have no idea if my whole being is attractive to you or not.

 

Man: A third one. “Do you find me interesting?”

 

Woman: You’re asking me if you pass the “eyeball test.” In other words, is your face, body and physical being acceptable enough to catch my attention?

 

Man: How about, “Can I buy you a drink?”

 

Woman: Kind of weird.

 

Man: “Are you alone?”

 

Woman: Kind of stalker-creepy.

 

Man: “Do you think we could get together?”

 

Woman: Sounds like you suffer from over-confidence and have spent too much time speed-dating.

 

Man: I’ve heard that women like a more direct approach. Like this; “I think we should have an affair.”

 

Woman: Maybe when women are sitting around a table having consumed some alcohol, they pretend to be brave enough to field such an inquiry, but if a guy actually did that, we probably would desperately need to laugh out loud.

 

Man: And I would assume that laughing at a man is not a good sign, right?

 

Woman: Not unless he’s telling a joke.

 

Man: So what if it was a thoughtful question, like, “Are you experienced?”

 

Woman: Are you trying to hire a plumber, or a prostitute?

 

Man: You see, this is a great discussion. And maybe you don’t have the answer to this, but what do you think would be good, as a way to opening the door of possibility to another person?

 

Woman: Forgive me, but I think corny works. And by corny, I mean just awkward enough to know that the line hasn’t been rehearsed a thousand times in the mirror. I would be interested in any person–male or female–who would simply ask me, “Would you like to talk?”

 

Man: I like that. Will women respond well to that?

 

Woman: Probably not. Because we females have become so jaded by the Neanderthal approach toward sexuality. I think it would be nice if a man would just say, “I’ve been observing your interactions with people of all ages and I find your approach interesting.”

 

Man: Doesn’t that sound a little bit like a stalker, too?

 

Woman: Maybe, but not stalking to kill. Just watching to learn.

 

Man: So as a woman, what do you want to receive in the initial encounter?

 

Woman: Equity. Equal footing. The realization that I have a life that is real and functioning, and that I’m not waiting for a man to come along and complete me. So I’ll tell you a great question. I would be really impressed if a man would ask me, “What is your calling?”

 

Man: That sounds too old-fashioned.

 

Woman: Good. Old-fashioned isn’t bad just because it comes from a different era. Old-fashioned is still around because it’s worked.

 

Man: What I got out of our conversation is that any inclination toward physicality, sex, romance or even hooking up needs to be removed from the tone of the words, or it’s too shallow to wade into.

 

Woman: Very good. And keep in mind, romance is the by-product of a mutual understanding.

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PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant

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Turning Kids into Humans (Part 4) 3-6–Garden … September 8, 2014

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Let’s settle one major misconception–children are not born desiring video games, I-phones, Sesame Street, toys, candy and the latest fad or trend. They are coerced through advertising and peer pressure to pursue these products and attitudes by big-budget corporations which use their advertising dollars as efficiently as possible.

Don’t be paranoid but by the same token, be careful what media outlets you allow your children to watch or otherwise, you will suffer the backlash of cultural greed.

Now that you have a child who has gained speech, feet and knows where to poop, it’s a good idea to approach this young creature as a garden.

You’ve got to plant some corn and carrots.

I call it corn because most people in our time consider it to be “corny” to feel for others. Yet without this introspection, we are worse than animals gnawing on each other in the jungle, because we actually do have a brain with the capacity for empathy.

So rather than assuming that every child born in America is destined to want to play computer games, intervene and create a garden, where you plant corniness and generosity, allowing for healthier attitudes.

A suggestion: teach your children to share the sad and the happy. Put them in environments so they can understand that someone is sad and they should feel something about it. Likewise, when they run a race and lose, encourage them to do better next time, while you also insist that they rejoice with the winner.

They are not going to want to do this.

That is irrelevant. You made this person, and you have the keys to their soul until you turn them over at age eighteen and they become responsible for their own destiny.

Perhaps it is corny, but teach your children to cry for something other than the fact that they didn’t get a candy bar in the checkout line at Wal-Mart.

Alert them to the importance of being happy for others. There is no way to continually be happy if you only celebrate your own victories.

And finally, you should plant some carrots. Yes–teach them to “care about it.” Shall we put it under the banner of “share the wealth?”

Since it’s virtually impossible to bounce two balls at the same time, gently nudge or purposefully demand that your child share one with a friend, even if he or she does not immediately produce joy in their heart over the experience.

We’re planting a garden. From age 3-6 the soil is very fertile–and therefore also susceptible to weeds. And in our society, a weed is any belief that we must grab and run instead of nurture and share.

• Share the happy.
• Share the sad.
• Share the wealth.

Remember–they’re kids, not humans. You are in charge of their journey to discovering Eden by planting a garden within them.

 

 

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Untotaled: Stepping Four (April 28th, 1964) … March 1, 2014

Jonathots Daily Blog

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(Transcript)

The Gospel Tones.

They were a singing group that visited our church on April 28th, 1964–actually, three friends of our pastor, who used to sing together back in college.

The southern gospel quartet–bass, baritone, lead, high tenor–an interesting blending of a musical circus atmosphere mingled with the sanctity and sobriety of the Gregorian chant.

I remember that night well. I had never seen our preacher so alive. He usually had a somberness which accompanied his sermons, granting him the authority to be holy.

But on that night he was moving around and singing low bass notes on the RCA Victor microphone which had been placed in the middle of the platform.

I got excited. Honestly, it was a little corny, but still had enough fun in it that I participated.

After the show everybody processed to the fellowship hall for cookies and punch. I grabbed three of my friends and we headed off  to a Sunday School classroom which had an off-key Wurlitzer piano, and started pounding out some songs of our own. We didn’t sound very good but we were totally enthusiastic.

Right in the middle of an exhilarating screech, one of the church elders stuck his head in, rebuked us and said we were bad children because we weren’t joining in with the rest of the church. My friends were intimidated by the austere condemnation and left to go eat their cookies, but I stayed in the room. I played and played; I sang and sang.

That night changed me. I realized I liked music. I liked entertaining.

I regathered my three friends shortly after that evening and we began to sing everywhere–nursing homes, school talent shows, street rallies, coffee houses–and later, when my buddies paired off and got married, I kept it up.

In the process I worked with the Blackwood Brothers, the Rambos, the Happy Goodmans, the Imperials and the Oak Ridge Boys.

I became an egg. Whether I was scrambled, fried, poached or put in an omelet, I was an egg. You could use me to make a cake, a souffle, or even to hold your meatloaf together.

I was not a ham and certainly not a crab.

On April 28th, 1964, listening to the Gospel Tones, I chose to become an egg. Over the years many people have tried to get me to fit into their box, but I’m an egg.

I was built for a carton. 

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Corn on the Cob… April 12, 2013

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On Sunday morning, I will journey to Helotes Hills United Methodist Church in Helotes, Texas. Please understand how delighted I was to discover that the word “helotes” translates as “corn on the cob.”

How perfect for me.

Because bluntly, by today’s standards–I’m corny. I don’t pursue macho things in order to be a man, nor do I favor feminine things, to make my sexuality ambiguous. I like things that are real and touch human beings as a whole, instead of segmenting us off into color, size, sexuality or gender.

I’m corny.

Unashamedly, I cry when I run across something that is moving to my soul. I like to love my country, even though there are those who overdo it and those who under-do it. I am not ashamed of my faith in God, although I don’t wear it as a badge to make myself a policeman over other people’s morality, or as a means of establishing my supremacy in traveling first class on the Good Ship Lollipop to heaven.

I’m corny. But what exactly does that mean?

1. I lead with my heart. I will not arrive in Helotes Hills desiring to maintain a healthy distance from these dear folks so as to qualify myself as an artist or a theologian. I want to shake their hands. I want to hug their necks if they’ll let me. I want to laugh with them and I want to cry. Nothing any good happens in the human family if we’re not ready to feel.

2. Once I feel, it opens my spirit. That’s right–faith is when we allow God to speak to us through the feelings of our hearts. Nothing registers in us as people simply because it’s read from the Bible. It has to come with some emotion: a story or some way to stimulate our innards. Then we open up our spirits and faith happens.

3. Once my spirit opens, my mind can be renewed. Yes, that means I can get a little fervor in my thinking. My brain actually lays there like a big pile of mush if I don’t give it some shocking new revelation that gets me thinking again. I want to have fervor. I want my reasoning to grow to the fullness of the measure of the stature of Jesus. I know that sounds corny. So be it.

4. And finally, I want my strength to be empowered. I want to give my body some focus about the best things to do instead of floating from one mishap to another, trying to pretend that things aren’t as bad as they seem.

I want feeling, faith, fervor and focus–so I am going to involve my heart, soul, mind and strength in the experience I will enjoy with the good folks at Helotes Hills.

After all, this is the corn–and I guess that would make me … the cob.

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