Sit Down Comedy … July 31st, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

Old people talk about old things.

That’s how you know they’re old.

They think they’re relevant. They think they’re talking about new things.

But they’re wrong.

They are old people talking about old things, sounding an SOS:

Same Old Shit.

The trouble is, not all old people are collecting Social Security. Some of the old people talking in our generation are supposed to be young. But for some reason, they’re talking about old stuff.

I don’t know why.

The Civil War? Are you nuts? Are we really still discussing a flag of a group of rebellious traitors who wanted to subjugate a race of people to be their slaves and decided to fight on every flat spot in the Eastern U. S., to try to prove their point?

The Civil War is over.

It has been decided. Slavery is not coming back. So all your banners are outdated. If you’re still talking about it, you are goddamned old.

Abortion? This has been settled.

It’s a nasty procedure that no one really wants to claim but needs to be a freedom given to a woman—because it’s her body. Sure, we would hope that it would not be used as birth control, or a way to get even with conservatives. But the discussion is over. If you’re still talking about it—pro or con—you’re decrepit.

And referring to politics, I wouldn’t even know where to start.

Republican and Democrat? These are things my grandparents talked about. You can tell it’s old stuff. The parties still use flyers, bumper stickers, buttons, slogans, attack ads… Are you kidding me? This stuff is old for old.

The election is really simple. We need to put somebody in the government who will allow us to live our lives fruitfully, make sure the roads are paved, and don’t blow up the rest of the world. If you want to call those “issues,” then I guess you could have one of your debates.

I stand dumbfounded when I hear people talking about race.

Are we really discussing color? Because honest to God, so many people have tattoos, I don’t know what color they are.

I heard an old woman say, “I just don’t think it’s right for black people and white people to marry and have children.”

“Fine,” I told her. “Then you probably shouldn’t fuck a rapper. And maybe don’t watch somebody else do it either.”

I’m astounded when I hear old people talking about rich and poor.

It’s so OLD. Get what you can and help everyone else. How hard can that be?

And by the way, can anything be older than religion?

We spend all of our time in a church talking to people (who are wearing jeans and crocs) about patriarchs in Israel. Old people talking about old things—stinking up the joint with old.

Can we ever get over the idea that men and women have to fight with each other? It’s so damn old.  Maybe we could do something new.

We could counteract our entertainment and create shows where men listen, and women are reasonable.

It’s all about human rights.

We cannot let these unfortunate, mentally stalled old people continue to insist on the fact that a few human wrongs should still be discussed.

You can identify old people because they talk about old things in an old way.

I would think, after Covid-19, we should be able to hear a scream coming from America. “I don’t want to debate the issues anymore!”

Don’t we all want to live in an America where there are only two rules?

Do the best you can.

Help somebody out when you can.

 

Sit Down Comedy … July 17th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

July 17th, 2015

Just five years ago.

I was still traveling on the road with Janet, putting on our programs of music and message. We had situated ourselves in the state of Wisconsin for two months, landing in Madison for two weeks of touring. I was touting the publication of two new books.

We were faring well, the weather was beautiful, and the airwaves were filled with information about upcoming pro football schedules and college gridiron action, with baseball playing in the background.

The politics were snippy but still civil, with an occasional reference to the next year’s Presidential campaign.

People were friendly.

Not as friendly as they had been when Ms. Clazzy and I began our escapades two decades earlier. There was a core of “disgruntled” trying to surface but was quelled by the beauty of the Earth, the simplicity of a good hamburger and being able, in the summertime, to buy a nice watermelon for two bucks.

I woke up this morning in Florida, feeling much the same as I did five years ago in Wisconsin.

But it is not the same.

The Earth has changed—not just our society or our nation. It’s not merely a regional war raging somewhere, threatening global turmoil.

The Earth is vexed, and the vexation is upon us all.

From my position five years ago in the Dairy State, holding my two new books, I could never have imagined our country having tens of thousands of people die within a six month period from a marauding virus, with businesses shut down, schools closed, and the entire community of my brothers and sisters wearing masks.

Just five years earlier, we might have giggled in bewilderment at seeing some prig donning one to go to the grocery store due to pollution.

Where there used to be debate there is now debacle—a breaking down of communication into snips, snipes and snotty retorts.

Cameras have stopped rolling in Hollywood, forcing us all into a claustrophobic world of viewing everything around us through our computer cams.

The wars that were started in the Middle East still rage, with the addition of threatening flare-ups. Who would have guessed that Russia would be back, vying to be a world power, or that North Korea, with its little dictator, would have a seat at the table, complaining about the meal provided?

Would there have been some question in our minds five years ago concerning our European allies?

Would we have been involved in a great debate over climate change instead of attempting, in some small way, to address our portion?

We were not better people in 2015.

We were just blessed with a better world.

Now that the Earth itself has chosen to become incorrigible and is desperately in need of people to parent it into necessary submission, we are at the mercy of governmental brats and political tyrants.

If this were an earthquake, we might want to look for an epicenter.

If this were a hurricane, we’d fly over it to find the eye.

What has transformed our world from a fussy little planet into a dangerous, out-of-control time bomb, seemingly eager to destroy us all?

It’s time for people who value sanity to remember what grants us such peace of mind. We must find the key to the door.

We should welcome a season of returning to the basics.

We must legitimately answer the three questions that can transform us from any fiasco and place us on a path of salvation:

  1. What do I need to stop doing to contribute to this chaos?
  2. What do I need to start doing to minister to the chaos and make it better?
  3. What do we all need to employ, to do a better job of saving our best friend—the Planet Earth?

 

Cracked 5 … July 4th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

Ways to Have an Acceptable Covid-19 July 4th Celebration

1. Set fire to all your clothing that has been exposed to the virus and stand around the bonfire singing, “This Is My Country.”

 

2. Sparklers in the back yard—six feet apart.

 

3. Eat. Yes, eating is still legal.

 

4. Avoid watching “Independence Day,” since it’s an attack by an alien presence.

 

5. Walk to the corner and back, and upon returning cleanse yourself with a garden hose. Perhaps you could make it a family “hose-down.”

 

1 Thing That Opens the Door to Understanding

Suffering

I have not heard of any individual who has contracted the Covid-19 disease and gone through the paces of the horror that this virus inflicts, who is complaining about masks, quarantine and social distancing.

This is because the journey these souls were thrust upon produced enough suffering that a more complete understanding came into their lives than they might have achieved by watching Fox or CNN News.

For I will tell you—try as I will, I cannot conjure the sensation in my spirit that a person with darker skin experiences when delayed, questioned and taunted by a police officer.

Although I have listened for hours, I still don’t have the comprehension that every woman possesses after being subjugated, alienated and mistreated—simply for having a vagina.

There’s a certain amount of suffering that is the prequel to understanding.

“Touched by infirmities.”

A fascinating phrase.

It means that if I don’t sample the pain in this world, I may not be prepared to dole out the healing which is required.

So now, when I have one of those days of discomfort, when a confusion makes me wonder if I’m teetering in a deadly situation, I calm down and simply realize:

It’s my turn.

Yes, it has become necessary for me to catch up with the rest of humanity, which has already gained understanding through … suffering.

 

 

Cracked 5 … June 27th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

Ideas Being Considered to Replace Football This Fall

1. Start a war, wear jerseys, keep score (televised)

 

2. Duck shooting from Clint Eastwood’s back porch (jerseys, scoring and televised)

 

3. Reruns of last year’s games—but dramatically change the endings

 

4. Watch the local feed for your church service and bet on sinners (jerseys and scoring)

 

5. Wife Swapping U.S.A. (no jerseys, televised and scoring)

 

Sensitize … (May 30th, 2020)

SENSITIZE 1

Every morning, Mr. Cring takes a personal moment with his audience.

Click the picture below to see the video

 

Scrambles … May 19th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Take a few minutes and unscramble this week’s inspirational thought from the words provided:

   

again

taking

am

granted

looking

I

for

forward

things

to

P. S.  Find the unscrambled answer in today’s jonathotsjr.com

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