Jonathots Daily Blog
(4474)
Delicate Ways to Alliteratively Describe Your Bowel Movements
1. Fulfilling and Fluffy
2. Slip-Sliding Away
3. Tight and Tender
4. Run, Run, Run, Run Runaway
5. A Farted Failure
Cracked 5 … June 6th, 2020
Jonathots Daily Blog
(4425)
Things That Abraham Lincoln Would Say If He Came to Our Country Today
A. “You haven’t figured out disease yet?”
B. “I thought I freed the slaves…”
C. (Looking at President Trump) “What’s with the hair?”
D. “What happened to my Republican Party?”
E. “S-h-h-h! Don’t tell my wife! I time travel!”
Cracked 5 … May 30th, 2020
Jonathots Daily Blog
(4425)
Really Obscure, Nearly Ancient References to June
A. “Huntin’ for Junebugs”
B. “Honeymoon…Keep’a shinin’ in June”
C. Jewn: a little-used, anti-Semitic slur
D. June Cleaver, who was a trifle too flirty with Eddie Haskell
E. “June is bustin’ out all over”
Cracked 5 … May 2nd, 2020
Jonathots Daily Blog
(4398)
The Best “Last Words” You Can Say Before You Die
A. “The treasure map is in the…”
B. “You have always had really bad breath. All of you.”
C. “I am coming back as a tarantula. Check your shoes and toilet seat…”
D. “I want to say something personal. You bored the hell out of me.”
E. “Finally. No diet plan.”
Cracked 5 … March 14th, 2020
Jonathots Daily Blog
(4349)
Worst Things to Take to a Picnic
A. A Jell-o mold
B. Ice cream bars
C. Humus (that would apply for anywhere or anytime)
D. Raw oysters on the half-shell
E. Gravy
Cracked 5 … February 29th, 2020
Jonathots Daily Blog
(4335)
Cures for March Madness
A. Extend February by thirty-one days.
B. Change the name from “March” to “Stroll.”
C. Put less focus and mania on college hoops.
D. Just simply don’t let your spring get sprung.
E. Have Daylight Savings Time murdered.
Cracked 5 … February 22nd, 2020
Jonathots Daily Blog
(4328)
Some Complaints Heard from a Ventriloquist’s Dummy
A. “I feel like a husband.”
B. “Tired of coming out of the closet.”
C. “No one takes me seriously.”
D. “The name ‘dummy’ is hurtful.”
E. “If you’re gonna stick your hand up my ass, at least first buy me dinner.”
Jonathots Daily Blog 