Cracked 5 … March 14th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4349)

Cracked 5

Worst Things to Take to a Picnic

 

A. A Jell-o mold

 

B. Ice cream bars

 C. Humus (that would apply for anywhere or anytime)

 

D. Raw oysters on the half-shell

 

E. Gravy

 

 

Cracked 5 … February 29th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4335)

Cracked 5

Cures for March Madness

 

A. Extend February by thirty-one days.

 

B. Change the name from “March” to “Stroll.”

 

C. Put less focus and mania on college hoops.

 

D. Just simply don’t let your spring get sprung.

 

E. Have Daylight Savings Time murdered.

 

 

 


 

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Cracked 5 … February 22nd, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4328)

Cracked 5

Some Complaints Heard from a Ventriloquist’s Dummy

 

A. “I feel like a husband.”

 

B. “Tired of coming out of the closet.”

 

C. “No one takes me seriously.”

 

D. “The name ‘dummy’ is hurtful.”

 

E. “If you’re gonna stick your hand up my ass, at least first buy me dinner.”

 

 

 


 

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Cracked 5 … December 14th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4258)

Cracked 5

 Totally and Completely Politically Incorrect Names to Give to Elves

A. Shortbread

 

B. Little Hands

 

C. Tinker Bill

 

D. Brief

 

E. Grounded

 

 

Cracked 5 … December 7th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4251)

Cracked 5

 Things Santa Claus’s Therapist Could Certainly Tell You

A.  He wears a beard to cover his leprosy scars.

 

B.  He refuses to accept that the red costume makes him look fifty pounds heavier.

 

C.  Reindeer smell bad and attack black kids.

 

D. He never married Mrs. Claus. (It’s a long story.)

 

E. Can’t leave him alone for more than five minutes at a time with small children.

 

 

 

Cracked 5 … November 30th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4244)

Cracked 5

 Mistakes Often Made on Thanksgiving Day

A. Asking Grandma what she’s thankful for—right before we’re supposed to start eating

 

B. Saying, “The ham is good but nothing ‘trumps’ the turkey.” (Politics begins…)

 

C. Pointing out that the Pilgrims were illegal immigrants.

 

D. Asking what the calorie count is on each dish that comes your way.

 

E. Telling Aunt Minnie you like her Jell-O salad with the carrots—and she keeps passing to you over and over again.

 

 

Cracked 5 … November 16th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4230)

Cracked 5

Advantages to a White Christmas

A. Snow-filled streets mean you can stay home without appearing lazy or racist.

 

B. On financially poor Christmas times, you can tell the kids that Santa can’t come because he’s old and might slip on the ice.

 

C. Lots of snow makes it easier to spot black folks.

 

D.  For some, if they didn’t have snowballs, they’d have no balls at all.

 

E. White Christmas gives you a chance to sit by the fire, trimming your toenails, eating grits and laughing at global warming.

 

 

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