Cracked 5 … January 25th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4300)

Cracked 5

Some Favorite Excuses for Being an Asshole

 

A. “I’m researching for a role in a movie.”

 

B.“I’m avidly religious.”

 

C. “I am married to one.”

 

D. “I have a brain tumor.”

 

E. “I am in politics.”

 

Cracked 5 … November 16th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4230)

Cracked 5

Advantages to a White Christmas

A. Snow-filled streets mean you can stay home without appearing lazy or racist.

 

B. On financially poor Christmas times, you can tell the kids that Santa can’t come because he’s old and might slip on the ice.

 

C. Lots of snow makes it easier to spot black folks.

 

D.  For some, if they didn’t have snowballs, they’d have no balls at all.

 

E. White Christmas gives you a chance to sit by the fire, trimming your toenails, eating grits and laughing at global warming.

 

 

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Cracked 5 … November 9th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4223)

Cracked 5

You Know You Are Poor When…

A. You go to the mark-down bins at the Dollar Store

 

B. You hope someone forgets a bag of groceries at the checkout so you can grab it, run to give it to them but instead, take it to your car and speed away

 

C. You wonder if you can reuse your toothpaste

 

D. You feed the dry skin from your elbows to your pet hamster

 

E. You tell your children that serial killers travel in ice cream trucks

 

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Cracked 5 … September 28th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4181)

Cracked 5

Things a Traveling Rock Band Should Not Say at an Airport

A.  “Go stash your axe.”

B. “Guns and Roses.”

C. “Let’s go kill!”

D. “Where are we gonna crash?”

E.  “We bombed.”

 

 

 

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Cracked 5 … September 21st, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4174)

Cracked 5

Amazing Memories of September 21st

 

A. Making out with a cheerleader after the game

 

B. Wiping the first frost off your car window without cussing

 

C.  First “pumpkin thing” you put in your mouth for the season

 

D.  Cider and the smell of fallen leaves you refuse to rake

 

E.  Surviving that hellish September 20th

 

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Cracked 5 … August 24th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4146)

Cracked 5

Answers to the question, “Why Are We Here?”

A.  Why are we here? Really horny chimpanzees

 

B.  Why are we here? Needed a place for mentally retarded angels

 

C.  Why are we here? God is playing again

 

D.  Why are we here? ‘Over there’ didn’t allow fat, homely people

 

E.  Why are we here? To divide up in colors and kill each other

 

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Cracked 5 … March 23rd, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3993)

Cracked 5

Signs Spring Has Sprung

A.  Warmer weather thaws out the dog turds

 

B.  Nature is humping all around you

 

C.  Companies try desperately to make Easter non-religious

 

D.  Pants too warm, shorts too cold

 

E.  Spring cleaning is exposed as a farce

Cracked 5 Easter Bunny

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