Cracked 5 … February 16th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3958)

Cracked 5

Valentine’s Day gifts that are leftover because for some reason, they didn’t sell well

 

A.  A mega-20-pack pregnancy test

 

B.  A six-month gym membership

 

C.  Certificate for mole removal (limit 2)

 

D.  Magical potion to eliminate halitosis

 

E.  Four weeks of lessons on pole dancing at “The Jumping Pussy Strip Club”

Valentine's Day Naked Man

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Cracked 5 … February 2nd, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3944)

Cracked 5

Things That January Is Known For

A. The vicious snowstorm of 1873

 

B. The blizzard of 1961

 

C. Record-breaking gym memberships

 

D. The ice storm of 1943

 

E.  A holiday honoring a man that most people under the age of forty have no idea who he is

Mad Snow Man


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Cracked 5 … January 26th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3937)

Cracked 5

Other Teams That Did Not Make It to the Super Bowl

A. The Milwaukee Beer Guts

 

B. The Duluth Truth Boys

 

C. The Birming Hams

 

D. The Montana Santas

 

E. The Cleveland Browns

Loser football player
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Cracked 5 … January 19th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3930)

Cracked 5

Best Ways to Get the Elephant Out of the Room

A.  Claim to have a peanut allergy

 

 

B.  Mock his small trunk

 

 

C. Ask if it’s alright if you call him “Dumbo”

 

 

D.  Invite a tiger

 

 

E.  Screen the movie, “Elephant Man”

 

Elephant


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Cracked 5 … January 12th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3923)

Cracked 5

Things We Should Build After the Border Wall

 A.  Grand Canyon 2—complete with bungee jumping

 

B.  Hamless ham sandwich with fake mustard and pickleless pickle

 

C.  A bridge between men and women (the penis doesn’t count)

 

D.  An official Highway to Hell

 

E.  The Berlin Wall—except prettier

Baby Trump


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Cracked 5 … January 5th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3916)

Cracked 5

Beautiful Aspects of Winter

 

 A.  The ecstasy of scraping ice off car windows

 

B.   Brings people together in four-or-five-car pile-ups

 

C.   Mittens turn hands into flippers

 

D.  Testing theory of “freezing balls off”

E.  Making snow women boobies

 

Winterscape


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Cracked 5 … December 29th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3909)

Cracked 5

Worst New Year’s Resolutions

 

A. Switch to wearing your sleeves on your feelings

B. Have entire family join a nudist colony

C. Give away charcoal drawings of Mohammed while visiting Mecca

D. Just for comedy, have penis reduction surgery

E. Increase the body count on your killing spree

 

New Year's Resolutions 2019

 

art by smarrttie panntts

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