Cracked 5 … April 20th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(4021)

Cracked 5

Complaints from the Easter Bunny

A.  Side profile for candy pose is not flattering

 

B.  Children think rabbits lay colored eggs

 

C.  Colored eggs insist on being called “Chicken-born Americans”

 

D.  Suing hip-hop music for stealing “hop” from “hoppity”

 

E.  Dying on the cross for the sins of mankind

  

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Cracked 5 … April 13th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(4014)

Cracked 5

Five Good Reasons to Legalize Recreational Marijuana

 

A. Not enough spaced-out drivers

 

B.  Another practical application for “No Smoking” signs in public places

 

C.  National IQ is starting to rise

 

D.  A boost to the youth vote, which will probably sleep in on Election Day anyway, from hangovers

 

E.  Find out once and for all why Puff was a Magic Dragon 

Cracked 5 Wylie Coyote

  
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Cracked 5 … April 6th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(4007)

Cracked 5

Rejected Plans for Spring Break

 

A.  The “Building a Sandcastle” competition at Daytona Beach

 

B.  Starting a diet and exercise program

 

C.  Time with Mom and Dad

 

D.  A “Pirate Battle Reenactment” in Fort Lauderdale

 

E.  A urinary tract infection

 

Cracked 5 Pirate

  
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Cracked 5 … March 30th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(4000)

Cracked 5

Things You Might Want to Do Upon Posting Your 4,000th Daily Blog

 

A.  Call Leonardo DiCaprio and yell into the phone, “No! I am the King of the World!”

 

B.  Write some sort of stupid article or comedy piece to announce it

 

C.  Sit by your phone waiting for CNN and Fox News to contact you, while ordering a pizza, pretending they already did

 

D.  Pick your nose—without shame, blame or any regard for the politically correct masses

 

E.  Purposely choose to develop writer’s block

Jonathan Richard Cring

  
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Cracked 5 … March 16th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3986)

Cracked 5

Statements That Should Be Compliments but Don’t End Up Being Very Complimentary

A.  “You have pretty good breath.”

 

B.  “Your high school picture is so cool.”

 

C.  “Your left breast is notably perkier than your right.”

 

D.  “You have done wonders with your old beat-up car.”

 

E.  “Your credit rating isn’t terrible anymore.”

Richard Baird Donate ButtonThe producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation for this inspirational opportunity 

 

Cracked 5 … March 9th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3979)

Cracked 5

What Actually Happens When a Lion Encounters a Lamb

A.  He actually eats him

 

B.  He sometimes chokes on the wool—while eating him

 

C.  Has to excuse himself for slurping—while eating the lamb

 

D.  Regrets not having mint jelly—during eating the lamb

 

E.  Forgets to say a word of grace

Snarling Lion

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Cracked 5 … February 23rd, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3965)

Cracked 5

Surprising Revelations from the Mueller Report

 A. President Trump eats pizza with a fork because he has a deep affection for the fork

 

B.  He likes to watch Russians dressing

 

C.  His hair is real. Other things…not so much.

 

D.  The Trump Tower is actually a building.

 

E.  Donald Trump is the President of the United States.

The Mueller Report Cartoon

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