Sit Down Comedy … July 10th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

Don’t Tell, Don’t Ask

Please cease sharing anecdotal evidence which you believe would be helpful in trying to understand human souls.

By all means, refuse to accept those who are convinced they have found the missing link or the black and white yet-to-be-understood.

Your inclination to seek the truth may seem noble but if that proof does not produce freedom, then it is a lie, dressed up, pretending to be holy.

When sound is given volume and blares a stereotype, it may seem that the cacophony makes a point.

Silence is often the best place to find reality.

It is certainly a better home for tranquility.

Knowing that it happened or observing the actions of others to foster a conclusion that is less than fulfilling to our humanhood.

It is not the true pursuit of knowledge—rather, just gobbling up the available evil.

Don’t tell all you know.

Don’t ask for more.

Don’t read a post and repost simply because nobody can confirm it erred.

And don’t smirk when someone tells a joke that fans the flames of a childhood prejudice.

Education is a wonderful thing if it makes us smart.

But it becomes a dangerous weapon when it stirs our anger.

Don’t tell just because you think you have the sure-fire cure or the linchpin that has yet to be inserted.

Don’t ask those who are supposed to be experts, having traveled among the natives, and therefore should possess supernal insight.

For life is not about seeing and believing.

If that were the case, all of us would have moments when we would be viewed obscene.

Instead, it is the pursuit of the better, while allowing time for the fermenting of the wine.

Mercy must be our constant traveling companion.

Without offering it, we cannot obtain it.

Don’t tell what you think or ask what they know.

For it is grace that covers a multitude of sins.

Cracked 5 … July 4th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4453)

Cracked 5

Ways to Have an Acceptable Covid-19 July 4th Celebration

1. Set fire to all your clothing that has been exposed to the virus and stand around the bonfire singing, “This Is My Country.”

 

2. Sparklers in the back yard—six feet apart.

 

3. Eat. Yes, eating is still legal.

 

4. Avoid watching “Independence Day,” since it’s an attack by an alien presence.

 

5. Walk to the corner and back, and upon returning cleanse yourself with a garden hose. Perhaps you could make it a family “hose-down.”

 

Sit Down Comedy … July 3rd, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

Waking up from my nap and sitting on the edge of my bed, I was listening to the muffled booming of the television trying to wiggle its way through my closed door.

After a few moments, I discerned that it was some sort of talk show, since there were two people conversing, and each one spoke too long for it to be a scripted program.

Trying to make out words.

It was a man and a woman speaking. Finally, after a few seconds of listening to the man, I made out what I assumed were three words: “admire a con.”

I winced but then snickered, realizing that this speaker had a bit of a Georgia drawl, and what he was trying to pronounce was “American.”

Almost immediately, the other person, the female, took up the cause and what I thought I heard her say was “a miracle can.”

Evaluating her accent—I guessed Bostonian—I once again had to chuckle, because this was her rendition of “American” also.

“Admire a Con” and “A Miracle Can.”

Remaining perched on the bed, I got to thinkin’.

As we round the corner to another day of Independence, we certainly, in candor, have to admit that our nation is often guilty of admiring a con.

Yes, we live in an environment where “Breaking Bad” is a good thing, where denying the truth is political magic, and refusing to take the blame for anything is deemed clever.

Those in power pretend they are surprised that the populous begins to turn on one another and cheat, lie, and attack. Then pundits comically insist they are trying to reveal both sides of the question.

So in this quagmire—where we “admire a con”—we find ourselves giving out, giving in and finally giving up.

We produce the best we can, only to be told there’s another way to do it which is not quite so expensive or meticulous. Therefore, we’re asked to give in to the common con, and after a while, because are hearts are hungry for some validity, we find ourselves giving up.

I don’t want to live in “Admire a Con,” even though the accent may be warm and fuzzy.

But on the other hand, “A Miracle Can” breathes potential.

As long as we don’t sit around and wait for God, gods and goddesses to perform their magic, miracles can be achieved through our efforts and glorified through celebration.

I could live in “A Miracle Can,” where I’m asked to bring my faith.

For you see, it’s too bad that faith has been associated with religion.

Faith is actually just an enduring belief—an insisting notion—a treasured principle.

So I could muster faith.

And then, with the rest of my brothers and sisters, we could all have a “come to Jesus” moment.

Not a revival, but rather, a renewal. A believing in one another.

Not a church service, but an inspiration to serve.

And once I brought my faith—that enduring belief—and had my “come to Jesus moment,” when time was still available for solutions—then I think I would actually be prepared to want to make things whole.

As long as things are broken, I can bitch.

If I contend that the world is hopeless, I can whimper and play victim.

But if I want to make things whole, I can get together with others, who bring their wit, will and willingness to join in.

I’m tired of living in “Admire a Con,” listening to mumblings through the door.

I need more than the promise of “A Miracle Can.”

Instead, I long to march together with newfound friends, as we bring our faith, have a “come to Jesus” moment and really, really want to make things whole.

Sit Down Comedy … June 26th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Sit Down Comedy

It’s a statement I ferociously despise, even though I have kept quiet about it for many years, and in weaker moments have had its drivel tumble off my lips in an attempt to be relevant to my surroundings.

“There but for the grace of God go I.”

If there were a contest for the most arrogant proclamation, this one would certainly be in the running.

What ever gave us the idea that we could express humility, or even gratitude, by simultaneously acting as if we are preferred?

If God is no respecter of persons, then misfortune and blessing are not manifested in His mood swings.

The truth of the matter is, we don’t know what causes the pendulum to swing in our favor or the clock to turn its face from us.

This came to my mind when I was staring at a gentleman in line at the grocery store.

He looked like me.

He wasn’t my twin, but certainly gave me pause to consider myself and my position.

He was about six feet tall with a bald head, and obese—all like me.

His facial hair was much more overgrown than mine, and his clothes suffered from Goodwill.

He also had a slump to his shoulders, welcoming a hump in his upper back.

There were enough differences that I was not startled but there was enough about the man that resembled me that it caused me to consider the nature of things.

Even though I was only twenty feet away, he did not notice me at all. He was staring off in the distance with a slightly perturbed twitch in his brow. He was holding a six-pack of beer, some hot dogs and matching buns.

Before I knew it, he had put his items through the cashier and was heading out the door. I strangely felt compelled to say something to him, but timidity discouraged me. Or maybe it attempted to save me.

I don’t know.

But I clumsily remarked, “I like hot dogs, too.”

He turned to me and replied, “Do I know you?”

He didn’t. And I didn’t know him.

I was doing one of those things that we sometimes do, which seems like it should be done, but should have been left undone.

“No,” I sheepishly replied.

Perhaps fearing that he had come across terse, he added, “I cook the hotdogs in beer. It makes them seem like brats.”

I nodded my head, uncertain of what to reply. Fortunately, years of small talk helped me cough up an answer. “Nice tip.”

He turned, walked out the door and was gone.

I wondered where he was going.

Was he going to someone?

Was he fortunate, like me, and had found a lover who was tolerant to occasional fits of ineptness?

Did he have a collage of children who were grateful and revered him for his efforts?

Did he have a gnawing talent which refused to allow him to slip into the doldrums of mediocrity?

Was he giddy—just downright silly?

Was he stubborn enough to be cute but flexible enough to be giving?

Was he alone?

On my particular journey—not knowing which path to take, nor whether one was even less taken—I stumbled my way along and was salvaged by the love of many friends and strangers.

I did my best to return the favor.

Life is not about the grace of God being extended to one human traveler over another.

It really boils down to one thing:

As you press on and choices come your way, always select the one that excites you.

Even if it also scares the shit out of you.

 

 

Cracked 5 … June 20th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

Circumstances are changing on us, so here is a new list of things we are looking for in a President:

 

A. Someone under 80, who thinks he or she is in their late 60’s and can do a single push-up to prove it.

 

B. An effeminate man. This way we don’t have to elect a woman.

 

C. A Democrat who is too lazy to change things or a Republican who is confused on what to change.

 

D. A professional liar who can occasionally delight and fool us.

 

E.  Having the ability to pretend as if he is listening to others.

 

 

Cracked 5 … June 6th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4425)

Cracked 5

Things That Abraham Lincoln Would Say If He Came to Our Country Today

 

A. “You haven’t figured out disease yet?”

 

B. “I thought I freed the slaves…”

 

C. (Looking at President Trump) “What’s with the hair?”

 

D. “What happened to my Republican Party?”

 

E. “S-h-h-h! Don’t tell my wife! I time travel!”

 

Cracked 5 … May 23rd, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4418)

Cracked 5

Great Ideas for This Year’s Graduates

 

A. Stand six feet apart and shoot off fireworks.

 

B. Have your diploma driven by your house in a convertible, displayed by a sorority girl.

 

C. Laugh, and call yourselves “The Classless of 2020.”

 

D. Make sure to quarantine your diploma for two weeks until it’s safe to handle.

 

E. Formal mask and gown

 

 

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