Cracked 5 … December 8th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3879)

Cracked 5

Signs Santa is Depressed

A.  Burns his workout video

B.  Demands Rudolph get a nose job

C. Mocks the stupid letters he receives

D. More nog than egg

E. Puts things up high where the elves can’t reach them

 

depressed Santa

 

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Cracked 5 … December 1st, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3872)

Cracked 5

Things I Don’t Want for Christmas

 

A. Coffee cup with Grandpa Something-or-other on it

 

B. A gift card from a store I’ve never been to

 

C. Anything that needs an explanation

 

D. A Bible, no matter what translation

 

E. A gag gift. There’s a reason they call it “gag”

Christmas drawing

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Cracked 5 … November 24th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3865)

Cracked 5

What To Do With Leftover Thanksgiving Food

A. Gravy smoothies

 

B. Use the white meat to defoliate dead skin on your feet

 

C. Wrap them in Christmas paper and send them to people you don’t like

 

D. Turkey pumpkin tarts

 

E. Just shut up and eat the meat, avoiding the green parts

Thanksgiving leftovers

 

 


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Cracked 5 … November 17th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3858)

Cracked 5

Cracked 5

Laments of the Common Turkey During This Holiday Season, Including Ways It Might Try to Save its Own Neck

A.  Ducks are ALL dark meat

 

B.  The Pilgrims actually preferred lobster.

 

C.  At least give me the dignity of eating my gizzard

 

D.  Pork is also good with dressing

 

E.  Ben Franklin thought I should be the national bird. Did you ever think of that?

Thanksgiving Turkey


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Cracked 5 … November 10th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3852)

Cracked 5

Takeaways from the Midterm Election

A. You can spend lots of money and still end up pretty much right where you started

 

B. We want people to vote–unless we don’t like the way they vote

 

C. Vote shaming has replaced fat shaming

 

D. Another Florida recount should be exciting and fulfilling

 

E. Politics makes strange fellows–forget about the bed

Republicans and Democrats


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Cracked 5 … November 3rd, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3845)

cracked 5 logo keeper with border

The Main Reasons for the Existence of the Month of November

A. Purging turkeys

 

B. Including dressing and cranberry sauce into family squabbles

 

C. Overwrought arguments about Christmas

 

D. Evidence that all leaves will not be raked

 

E.  Rhymes with “September” in the 30-day song

 

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Cracked 5 … October 27th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

(3838)

cracked 5 logo keeper with border

Reasons the ladies on “The View” might give for how being a prostitute empowers women:

A. Being a prostitute frees up daytime hours to go to the clinic

 

B. Proof that penis size doesn’t matter

 

C. Flashy clothes

 

D. Education in the court system

 

E. Simplifies things–all men are named “John”

cracked 5 call girl

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