Dear Man/Dear Woman: A Noteworthy Conversation … August 13th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Dear Man Dear Woman

Dear Woman: Hey, I got the message you wanted to see me.

 

Dear Man: Yeah, I have a job interview coming up and I wanted your insight.

 

Dear Woman: Okay…

 

Dear Man: You seem reluctant. What’s the problem?

 

Dear Woman: I’m not reluctant. It’s just that you’re really smart, you know what you’re doing and you’ve gotten jobs before…

 

Dear Man: I know, but this interview is with a man, and I thought you could give me some tips on how to approach it.

 

Dear Woman: (chuckling) You do understand, it’s not like there’s a real “Hair Club for Men” and we get together once a week to discuss our plans.

 

Dear Man: I know that. I just want to get an edge so I can get off on the right foot.

 

Dear Woman: Well, the wrong foot is thinking there’s a context for dealing with other people.

 

Dear Man: What do you mean?

 

Dear Woman: Once we start boxing people up by sex, race or any way at all, we’re showing both our disrespect for them and our insecurity about ourselves.

 

Dear Man: Gee, whiz, I just wanted some advantage…

 

Dear Woman: OK. Here’s an advantage. Work on your content. And here’s your content: “This is who I am, this is what I want and this is what I can offer.” In that order.

 

Dear Man: Isn’t that pushy?

 

Dear Woman: No, pushy is when you think you can look some magical way or produce some mystical dialogue that suddenly makes you appealing to a male boss.

 

Dear Man: There are prejudices.

 

Dear Woman: Yes, there are, but you won’t overcome them by giving into them. Find your content. Don’t try to outsmart. Instead, out-start them. Anticipate the questions and provide the information you know he will need. Then gently guide him to the questions you want him to ask you.

 

Dear Man: How do you do that?

 

Dear Woman: Balance. If you hear something you don’t agree with, say right out loud, “That hasn’t been my finding.” It will surprise him. It’ll make him ask questions about why you differ. Nodding your head and smiling is the best way to make sure that you don’t get a job. Stop worrying about the context. In other words, “I’m talking to a man so I should do this.” Focus on the content: “This is who I am, what I want and what I can offer.” Then if he is not in the same place you are…well, you wouldn’t want to work there anyway, right?

 

Dear Man: I hear what you’re saying but I don’t know whether I can do that or not. I’ve spent my life trying to please.

 

Dear Woman: I understand. But it’s time to take steps toward clarifying your content instead of groping around, trying to find the context and submitting to it.

 

Dear Man: I’m so glad I called you.

 

Dear Woman: Oh, you would have figured it out. But in the process you might have missed out on a good job or two.

 

Dear Man: So, content, not context. Out-start them instead of trying to outsmart them.

 

Dear Woman: That’s it. Good luck.

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G-Poppers… July 17th, 2015

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Jon close up

“After all–we’re all different.”

The words were spoken and the crowd gradually joined in with applause. G-Pop sat and listened carefully.

Something didn’t ring true.

The way to overcome intolerance is not to accentuate our differences. To think that human beings are capable of acknowledging differences among us without secretly holding prejudice against the person who dares to be different is absolutely ridiculous.

We are not divine. We are human. As humans, we are looking for reasons to find commonality.

This holds true in every relationship:

  • If two people are dating and discover they have nothing in common, they don’t continue dating, hoping to build up toleration for one another
  • If two kids are on the playground and one likes to play baseball and the other likes to climb the monkey bars, they quietly separate from one another, seeking out individuals whose taste in play is similar to theirs.

The path to peaceful coexistence is commonality.

How much do I have in common with you in comparison to our differences? Candidly, the word “difference” begins with “differ.”

If we do differ from one another, the process is simple: if we’re civilized, we walk away to avoid an argument. If we aren’t quite so civilized, we stand there and argue.

I do not know when the definition of “toleration” became biting one’s lip and pretending to accept things that don’t make sense. Toleration is finding places of common ground and celebrating them.

The “pendulum do swing.”

In a short period of time, we’ve gone from being a nation that was abusive to the gay community to a nation which now has a plurality which is willing to include gay marriage. But we will never have true openness with one another until we find the linking parts. We can’t fake receptivity.

For I have no intention of taking the social standing of old religion, ISIS and Vladimir Putin and joining with them against the homosexual community. But I came to this conclusion not because I looked at my brothers and sisters as obtuse and unusual, but because they use words that are common to me: freedom, brotherhood, love, relationship and tenderness.

We are not going to become better people by pretending we are tolerant. We become better people when we find common ways that we share in common, accentuating our common values.

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Three Ways to Make a Difference … September 4, 2014

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Three-Little-Pigs_-Pinnochio-Little-Red-Riding-Hood-Wolf1

Making a difference often requires that you differ from the contemporary rhetoric that passes itself off as conventional wisdom.

This takes cleverness, humor and spunk.

It takes one eye on history, another eye on yourself and if you have a third one, an eye for cracks in the door, to shine in some light.

Can I offer three concepts that might aid you in your task of making that difference?

1. Avoid big ideas.

If the mantra of our generation is “think big,” have the insight to know the error of that way.

For after all, the world is not becoming a better place because large ideas are being chased down. Truthfully, avoid anything that touts itself as “big” and instead, pursue small adventures with lovely borders, time limits and the immediate satisfaction that comes with achievement.

2. Welcome mistakes–they are your best friend.

Mistakes help you avoid two nasty deterrents to accomplishment: (a) being locked into a dead-end project, and (b) making excuses for why you’re still pursuing it.

Mistakes happen because there is a flaw in the original floor plan. Make quick changes, laugh about it and never hide your errors. Then when you have righted the course, you will receive double praise: honor for being cool-headed in the midst of difficulty, and also great regard from others for making an evolution toward excellence.

3. Know when things are done.

Don’t beat a dead horse. It’s cruel, if not stupid. Sometimes things have a season and then they’re over.

It’s important to acknowledge when the work that you have pursued has come to completion. Put out a press release, stick a fork in it and move on.

You can make a difference, but it will require that you have the gumption and passion … to differ.

 

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I beg NOT to differ … August 21, 2012

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I had no idea.Well, that’s not exactly true. You always have ideas. They kind of war in your brain–the overly pessimistic crowding sensation and the optimism floating around in your cranium like puffy white clouds. But when I say I had no idea, what I mean is that all my speculation was really useless, because I had no point of reference.

When I left in January to go out and share and I was inspired to name this particular journey “the Six Word Tour,” in reference to “NoOne is better than anyone else,” I wasn’t really sure what response I would receive to the assertion. Of course, I knew there would be some grammarians in the audience who would insist it was seven words, because “no one” is actually two words instead of one. But I checked it out in English handbooks, and actually, no one can be hyphenated (no-one), two words (no one) or used as a compound word (noone). So I was prepared for the handful of souls who pursue such logic.

But what I was NOT prepared for was presenting the concept of “NoOne is better than anyone else” to a rather quiet and perhaps tepid response. Actually, the first time I share it with an audience, they tend to just stare at me. Over the months I think I have discovered the reason why. For the past thirty-two years–really, since the 1980 election between Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan–we have divided into two very angry camps: conservatives and liberals.

Now, I understand these two have been around since the beginning of time, but never before had they blended such social, political and spiritual energy in attacking one another. What I have discovered this year is that those who are conservative do not like the concept of “NoOne is better than anyone else” because maintaining the theme of their mission statement requires that they believe in possessing a certain moral superiority. Those of a more liberal leaning don’t care for “NoOne is better than anyone else,” because to foster their creed, they insist on portraying a certain intellectual superiority.

So while the conservatives believe they’re superior morally, and the liberals contend that their rendition of truth makes them intellectually superior, we seem to have no leaders who are capable of loving their neighbor as themselves or of absorbing the attitude of “NoOne is better than anyone else.” It is why I have never been able to join either camp, though both have tried to suck me into their little conclaves.

I do not feel I am morally superior to anyone. Can I tell you the truth? Neither did Jesus. He makes it clear when he tells the rich young ruler, who calls him “good,” that there is “none good except God.” He challenges the crowd who wants to stone the woman caught in adultery by reminding them of their own failings and sins. And he warns in the Sermon on the Mount that judging other people leaves us vulnerable to equal portions of judgment.

I also have never been one to believe that I am intellectually superior to anyone else. Once again, I refer to Jesus, for he said during a particularly vulnerable prayer that he was grateful to God that the words of truth had been “hidden from the wise and prudent and delivered unto babes,” and on another occasion, “except we become as little children, we shall not enter the Kingdom of God.” And Jesus made it quite clear that there is a danger in thinking that with our much speaking, somehow or another the heavenly Father hears us more.

I do not know how we have strayed so far from both the gospel of Jesus and from plain old commonsense. Simple rational thinking tells you that the minute you express supremacy over another person, you have set in motion the seedlings of creating an enemy. If God is no respecter of persons, how do we think our particular breaking down of mankind into social orders is going to be received from the divine perspective?

If you want to do something magnificent in this generation and for the world around you, cease to be part of either the conservative or the liberal cliques. They are constantly arguing, plotting their revenge and plugging their causes. They feel they are ordained to rule–one group because of its moral superiority, and the other insisting on intellectual dominance. One will tell you that we need to return to God and the other will inform you that knowledge and education is the key to our progress.

Well, we’ve had God around for a long time and things aren’t better. And honestly, we’ve been teaching science, technology and history for hundreds and hundreds of years and we keep repeating the same script. So there has to be something else.

I know it is difficult for each and every one of us to fathom the concept of “NoOne is better than anyone else.” I was raised to believe I was better than other people. It has never helped me. When I was in the Church of Christ, I was told that those more liberal churches didn’t believe in Jesus and didn’t have salvation. When I began to interact with people of the mainline denominations, I was informed that those red-neck fundamentalists were just too ignorant to really understand the mind of God.

No one found a reason to stop differing. And that’s what I want. I beg NOT to differ.

I don’t want you to compromise; I don’t want them to compromise. I don’t want me to compromise. I want us ALL to start out our discussion with “NoOne is better than anyone else.”  It means that our arguments can not be given weight simply because we have quoted from a book or we’ve brought a twisted stack of statistics. We’re going to have to respect one another. You may call it idealism, but it is really not naive when it is a necessity.

Once again, we face an election where the conservatives and liberals are trying to get the high ground. The conservative Republicans want to tout their moral superiority and the liberal Democrats blow their trumpet about education and intellectualism. We are getting nowhere. In the meantime, the world teeters on the brink of unnecessary disaster simply because we look across the waters at other nations and find them inferior because they’re not American.

I am coming to your town looking for reasons to “love the God outta ya.” I know it’s in there–He created you in His image, and no matter how much moral or intellectual superiority you use to try to cover up the picture of His beauty, it can still be unearthed if we’ll just relax and stop trying so hard to be Daddy’s favorite kid.

I am not superior to you. I wouldn’t know what to do if I were. What I would like to be is equal with you as we pull together to find ways to agree on goals which will bring us closer to understanding.

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