SENSITIZE 38
Every morning, Mr. Cring takes a personal moment with his audience.
Today: Cring reminds us: Earth didn’t come to us–we came to Earth.
Understanding this helps us avoid disappointment.
Click the picture below to see the video
1 Thing We Need to Experience Every Day
Disappointment
I don’t know where it got such a bad reputation.
Considering how common disappointment is, perhaps we need a new name for it.
Maybe we should just call it “normal.”
For I will tell you—the chances that what I expect, wish to do or hope occurs actually come off are very slim. It doesn’t mean I should not plan and does not mean that I shouldn’t jump up and down in gratitude when things do work out according to my dreams.
But disappointment is valuable.
Without disappointment, some people would never, ever do anything differently.
Disappointment is the way we get the opportunity to try new things.
Because once our first request is not available, we get introduced to a second possibility which often becomes our favorite.
Even in the world of love, how many struck oil with their first “digging” for a mate? No, sometimes it takes two. Three. (Dare I say ten?)
Disappointment is how life keeps things even, so we don’t start believing in ridiculous concepts—like “the chosen people” or “white privilege.”
For instance, I had some friends coming in from out of town, and I decided we would order in Chinese. I even had the list made. My mouth, mind and anticipation were leaning toward sweet-and-sour something or other. Then we discovered the Chinese restaurant is closed on Mondays.
Here’s the key:
What to do next
Does disappointment deserve a reaction?
Is there any benefit in taking a moment to be displeased, which often leads to the more permanent frowning profile of “discouraged?”
Matter of fact, I would be curious to know how many people right now have experienced disappointment today, have allowed themselves to be displeased and now feel a little discouraged?
This particular path renders us ineffective and unfriendly.
So since disappointment is coming, shall we have a plan? Should we pretend there won’t be disappointing outcomes? Or is it a better idea to already have put together ideas on how to proceed when disappointment ends up being “the appointment?”
I think so. Here’s what I do with disappointment.
Take my Chinese dinner, for instance. Once I was disappointed and learned the restaurant was not open, I completely disconnected from the idea of Chinese food. I took it as a blessed sign from the universe to try another option so I wouldn’t be experimenting with a new restaurant or disappointed with the pricing.
When disappointment comes, disconnect from your original idea.
Because if you cling to it, you’ll be displeased and therefore discouraged.
Once the disappointment of the Chinese restaurant was solidly confirmed in my mind, I disconnected from the option.
Then I went out to discover.
I asked that great question. Now that I don’t have what I thought I wanted, what can I discover which may end up being greater than what I might have gotten?
We decided to order in buckets of chicken from the Colonel. It was a good discovery. Simple, lots of sides, easy to eat, just throw away the trash at the end—and most people like at least some of the eleven herbs and spices.
I’m so happy–I just switched my taste buds to chicken.
After all, it is finger lickin’ good.
So when disappointment comes, you can choose to be displeased, but it will leave you discouraged.
Or with the arrival of disappointment, you can disconnect from your original concept and open the door to discover.
1 Thing That Makes for a Good Father
SLOW TO ANGER
This remedy could be misinterpreted.
Someone reading “slow to anger” may think that fatherhood is being kind and nice.
Being a good father has little to do with being nice. Being a good father demands you be precise.
Make clear to your children how life works
Give them their options, and then hold them to their decisions without adding the angry heat of you feeling betrayed.
To achieve this, a father must keep in mind three important procedures:
1. Don’t show up to discipline your children already pissed about something else.
2. Let them explain and trap them in their own inconsistencies.
3. Let the punishment fit the crime.
Taking away a phone is not the correct judgment for being a bully. Any child who’s a bully needs to understand what it feels like to be bullied.
Being grounded is not sufficient for refusing to do the chores. Having the garbage set on top of their bed if they don’t take it out is more apt.
If you have creative solutions to dealing with your children instead of feeling disappointed and therefore angry, your results will be much more enlightening and lasting.
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1 Thing You Can Do This Week When You Win
Take the Time to Get Better
One of the classic mistakes of the human race is that we decide to discuss, discover and disagree when failure has arrived and has smacked us in the face.
When you have gone through the trauma of not achieving your purposes, it is not the time to scrape yourself with a razor blade, trying to cut away the portions that caused your problems.
Sweeten and Smooth
The time to improve one’s life is when one has had a successful adventure, and there is no fear or apprehension, but instead, just a desire to Sweeten and Smooth. Life is about revealing what you can do, and finding ways to sweeten it and smooth it out.
A Season of Healing
If you’ve experienced a disappointment, what you need is a season of healing. You don’t need to be reminded of your shortcomings. You don’t have to play the video tape one more time, and you don’t have to place yourself in the role of the scolded child. These are useless profiles for someone who needs restoring.
Winning is the best time to critique yourself. When you lose, develop a sense of humor and give yourself time to recuperate.
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G-Poppers … January 29th, 2016
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G-Pop had a rare moment.
He asked his grandson, “What do you think about your classmates at school?”
“Most of them don’t like me,” said the young man, dipping his head in disappointment.
“How many kids are there?” asked G-Pop.
“About twenty-five,” said the grandson.
G-Pop continued. “So is it thirteen? Sixteen? Or all twenty-five who don’t like you?”
The young boy squinted at G-Pop. “I don’t know how many,” he replied, a little aggravated.
“So how do you know it’s most?” G-Pop posed.
In a country that runs its programs by polls, the word “most” becomes overly important and eliminates the discovery of truth.
- Most women are…
- Most blacks do…
- Most Mexicans come to our country for…
- Most men think…
- Most Christians believe…
- Most Muslims pursue…
- Most Wall Street executives are…
- Most politicians…
- Most girls…
- Most boys…
- Most countries…
- Most vegetables…
- Most meat…
Most of the most.
The word “most” is used as a safe way of being prejudiced, while falling back on data which is often tampered with by bigots who want to prove their point.
“Most” is probably the most dangerous word that has come into our society, even though calling it the most dangerous might be part of the problem.
Here is a fact:
Human beings don’t do anything predictable. They are basically content to leave well enough alone, even if they find that status to be unsatisfying.
Yes, stagnancy is always preferable to both goodness and evil.
So the reason we introduce the word “most” into our dialogue is to convince the crowd around us that we are part of the plurality, not tied into a minority, which is obviously wrong as seen by their weak numbers.
G-Pop points out that this presidential election is more concerned with polls than ever before. And the polls never agree because the polls never ask the right question of the right people at the right time.
If we are going to be people of vision, faith and creativity, we have to eliminate the word “most” from our daily conversation, or we will terminate the flexibility of races, religions and personal effort.
Most gay people aren’t anything.
Most Christians are not locked up in a box.
And most Muslims don’t blow up buildings, as most Mexicans don’t rape.
But if you can convince people that “most” of the subject at hand is a threat, then you can also mob them together to attack all.
G-Pop waited for his grandson to produce the number of kids in his class who did not like the little fella. He could never come up with an actual count, because it was just easier to assume that most of them were against him.
The only way to live as a human being and be successful is to admit to yourself that the next encounter and the next experience is mercurial–because it’s controlled by human beings, who are “mostly” individuals.
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Three Ways to Remain Calm… January 8, 2015
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For all of you who are waiting for things to get better, let me tell you, I will be here to give you a quick hug when they don’t.
Things are not going to get better. We can get better with things.
I had a phone call last night from a gentleman complaining to me about being mistreated. Basically, he explained his situation in the first two minutes, but then went on for another twenty, reinforcing his points on how upset he was and how much revenge he wanted to heap on those who had offended him.
- At no time did he ask my opinion.
- He was not pursuing counsel.
- He wanted to vent.
At the end of the twenty minutes, he thanked me for listening and told me it really helped. I said, “No, it didn’t. You just took the past twenty minutes to convince yourself that you are right and everybody else is wrong. You’re not calm. You’re a loaded gun with the safety on.”
Most of us are fully prepared to explode into a fit of rage if someone cuts us off in traffic. So what should we do when we find ourselves feeling attacked, and our instincts to hurt others come to the forefront and create a billowing sea of turmoil?
1. Pull out the photo album.
I guess nowadays, it may be opening up your computer and checking the wall of your Facebook.
Look at pictures. Don’t react. Don’t fester. Don’t think about what you want to do. Look at pictures of your living history. Remember feeling devastated? Then take a minute to realize that you weren’t. You survived.
Look at the wonderful tapestry of a life you have woven, and consider that there is no reason to destroy it just because you’re having a bad day.
The reason we lose our cool is because we don’t appreciate the hundreds of photographs which have brought us to who we are today.
2. Clean out a closet.
Anger is an energy. It triggers all sorts of chemicals in our bodies, causing us to become feisty and vindictive. Literally, go into your closet and start folding things up. Put your hands to work in a constructive way. Otherwise they will itch to strike out.
You can cuss in your closet. You can slam things around. You will be breaking no laws of either nature or God. And after you’re done and you’ve burned off some of that unnecessary froth, you will also have a clean closet.
3. Write a letter.
People don’t do it anymore. The lack of penning our thoughts to another person is turning us into a bunch of emotional cripples. Actually take a piece of paper and a pen and write a letter to a friend who has stood by you and knows you are not a loser.
You may never send the letter, or you may choose to find an envelope and a stamp. Either way your feelings are on paper, and when they are in ink and you read them back you will be astonished at how clear your thinking will be.
So consider your history. Life has been pretty good.
Use your energy to be constructive. Hang up your clothes.
And find a creative way to communicate your disappointment by using pen and paper.
It is arrogant to believe that what we feel is really all that important. If it were important, we would continue to feel it.
But because it comes and goes, we should find a way for it to go when it comes.
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The Alphabet of Us: E Is for Eliminate… January 5, 2015
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All human beings possess a heart, soul, mind and strength. Nothing of any true significance can be achieved unless this is understood.
Overestimation of ability is the sure-fire way of draining energy. Human beings have very little will-power. Nothing will be achieved without understanding it.
For every magical story you can relate about someone who overcame difficulties through resolve, I can provide a million testimonials of wishy-washy results.
It is in the exaggeration of our goals that we cripple ourselves with the burden of too much anticipation, which is often followed by too much disappointment.
I can not eliminate anything. The minute I believe I can, I will make bold statements which I will be unable to achieve, causing me to want to lie. And I will tell you right now–even though we seem to be a society that condones lying, there isn’t a human being who will actually put up with anyone telling them one.
So what are we looking for? If I smoke two packs of cigarettes a day, can I really throw them away, go cold turkey and survive? Am I a hero, or am I setting myself up for an incredible fall which will make me fearful of reaching the heights of such conviction again?
Here’s the axiom:
Work on working on the work of simple progress.
If I could put that into the hearts of every brother and sister I encounter, I could lift the burden of expectation and replace it with practical approaches to making things a little bit better.
For instance, when I rounded the corner this year and wanted to lose weight, I realized that I needed to adopt an improved philosophy. Here it is:
1. Less of what I am doing.
Yes, if I can just do less of over-eating, I will be much acclaimed, even in my own mind. If every fat person would simply eat a hundred fewer calories a day, they would lose a pound a month. Remarkable.
2. More of what I want to do.
Once I stop chasing the rabbit of promises, which is wearing me out because of the futility of my efforts, I can settle down and just begin to do more of what I want to do. If every person in America smoked one less cigarette, ate one more vegetable a day and walked up that one flight of stairs, our health care costs would drop drastically.
3. And finally, just learn to tell the truth about both.
In other words, “This is what I’m doing that’s making me miserable, and this is what I need to do to make me happier.”
As people, we have a childish inclination to justify all of our actions, as if they’re really our aspirations.
Learn how to be pissed off at what’s hurting you, and delighted with what helps.
The word “eliminate” is impossible for human beings.
- It is not our function to eliminate poverty. Keep in mind, the impoverished person must be willing to cease his or her condition.
- We do not have the gumption to eliminate our bad habits. We can lessen them–and ultimately might convince ourselves that we don’t need them.
Arrogance is anyone who believes they have the capacity for scaring away all their demons. It’s just not possible.
The demons know us well, and have found clever hiding places.
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