Jonathots … January 15th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

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handbook for touching

People decide whether they want to be touched by us by noticing how we handle our other four senses.

  • How do we look at things—the eyes?
  • How do we listen—the ears?
  • What do we think about the odors around us—the nose?
  • And do we enjoy new tastes—the tongue?

Truthfully, if you have nasty attitudes in at least two of these areas, you will notice that people will begin to pull away. Even if you’re in love, married or involved in a physical relationship, it will begin to cool.

For none of us want to be touched by a grouchy person, even though we would never articulate it in exactly that way. It’s why, when we’re little children, we run toward a gracious grandma and reluctantly hug a cranky grandpa.

We are human. Therefore, we have the seed of God in us. That seed demands watering—and the way we water our seed is by using our senses in a positive, Spirit-building way, so when it’s time for intimacy, people yearn for our touch.

When we open our eyes, do we see problems, difficulties, disaster, sinfulness and evil? Or are we looking for things that are promising? That alone makes us appealing. Simply to reject the darkness we see and find the light causes people to want to cuddle closer to us.

Do we listen to what’s going on around us, hear music and scrunch up our faces in disapproval, or do we boldly walk up when we hear glorious things and proclaim, “Sounds great.”

Once again, who wants to be around someone who complains about what they’re hearing?

If you want to win the favor of other humans, walk into the house and tell them it smells fabulous. Or you can walk in, sniff the air, twitch your nose twice in disapproval, and have them praying that you leave soon.

You’re invited to dinner and they offer you a food you’ve never tasted before—do you turn it down? Do you express your reluctance? Do you taste it and say, “Give me meat and potatoes?” Or do you partake and tell them what you like about it instead of what you hate about it?

Ninety percent of the reason that married people lose their affection for one another has nothing to do with physical touching. No, they simply get tired of seeing sour looks, hearing complaints about sound and pickiness over a smell, or the ongoing refusal to try anything new.

I want to touch.

I want to be touched.

Therefore, it is my responsibility to look for good things, to appreciate wonderful sound, to rejoice over fragrance and to be thankful for the variety of delicious tastes that the Creator has offered.

 

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Cracked 5 … August 7th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

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cracked 5 logo keeper with border

Plans, Schemes and Promotions Organized by Vegetables to Help Promote Their Brand

A. Hail a Cabbage!

 

B. Lettuce Love One Another

 

C. Broccoli–Never Grew On Bush (George Herbert 41)

 

D. Caul-i-flower Bouquet

 

E. Corn–We’re All Ears

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Cracked 5 … May 15th, 2018


Jonathots Daily Blog

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Intriguing Advantages to Being Totally Bald

 

A.  Avoiding the annoying flirtations of pesky women

 

B.  Landing field for woodpeckers

 

C.  Easier to peel off crusty dandruff

 

D.  Allows your ears to stand out

 

E.  Not tempted to try a comb-over

 

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G-Poppers … February 10th, 2017

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Jon close up

G-Pop is fully aware that most people do not realize that their ultimate self-worth is gauged by how valuable they are to others.

Self-confidence may have its charm, but if it doesn’t manifest into some sort of contribution to the human tribe, then it comes across more as boasting than boosting.

With that in mind, it might be good to have a pulse on the heartbeat of people’s needs. So here’s how it breaks down:

50% of the time, the only thing people want from us is our ears.

They just want us to listen. Are they offended when we contribute thoughts? Yes. They have planned a soliloquy and we try to turn it into a dialogue.

20 % of the time they want our hands.

“Can you help me lift this?”

“I need some assistance.”

“Somebody finked out on me and I was wondering if you could be there to fill the gap.”

15% of the time, they yearn to have our feet.

Folks are always advertising something, are tied up, and require others to support the cause and put feet to the faith.

10% of the time, they want our eyes.

They would like us to be observant.

For instance, notice when they have broccoli in their teeth.

Maybe that new outfit we think is so adorable actually makes us look like a stuffed sausage.

And 5% of the time they tolerate our words.

It’s why sermons don’t work well.

Seminars are for those who like stale Danish and anemic coffee.

And prayer meetings and Bible studies have diminishing audiences.

Too much talk.

G-Pop wants his children to learn what makes them worthwhile:

  • People want your ears
  • Then your hands
  • Your feet
  • Your eyes

And on strange occasions when they’re in a particularly cheery mood … they will put up with a little bit of your yammering.

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Jesonian: Reverend Meningsbee (Part 28) He That Has An Ear … November 6th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Reverend Meningsbee

Little Hector McDougal was just fifteen days old when his mama and papa, Jessie and Marty, brought him to the Garsonville Church for an official baptism. The parents were so grateful for little Hector that they could not wait to see him sanctified in all the right spots.

Yet there was some sadness mingled in with their joy. Although Hector was born with all of his digits in place, immediately after his arrival he developed a severe bacterial infection in both of his ears, which left him deaf. No one was sure if it would be permanent, but the hospital certainly wasn’t prepared to offer much hope.

So even though Jessie and Marty had a baby, they had resigned themselves to the fact that he would never be able to hear the praises they so wished to heap upon his ears.

Now, Reverend Meningsbee was not very experienced at baptisms, so he had reviewed the liturgy and pageantry feverishly. He even bought himself a bright-colored tie with Mickey and Minnie Mouse on it, having read somewhere that children were nearly hypnotized by the bright colors.

So you can imagine how surprised the pastor was when he dipped his fingers in the water, placed it on the baby’s head, and the child began to scream and holler like a wounded animal. Everybody immediately turned and stared at the preacher, wondering if he had somehow pinched, shocked, poked, stabbed or wounded the hapless repenter.

Meningsbee just stepped back in horror.

The baby continued to scream with hellish decibels–so much so that Mama felt it necessary to hurriedly leave the sanctuary to tend to her little one. Daddy trailed behind, holding a blanket in one hand and a pacifier in the other.

This left Meningsbee standing there in his Looney Tunes tie, sheepishly looking at the congregation, feeling like he had hexed the young fella.

The screaming continued.

Attempting to be clever, Meningsbee suggested that the gathered sing “Brahms’ Lullaby,” only to realize that nobody knew the words. A nervous, tenuous, but meaningful humming ensued. It did not calm the raging storm which had burst across the brow of Hector McDougal.

As a precaution, a decision was made to rush the little one to the hospital to see if the medical field could somehow remove the screaming curse.

Needless to say, the morning’s worship service was shortened–and considerably less appreciated by the folks who had hoped that their minister would be much more successful on his christening journey.

Stranger still, four hours later the phone rang at Meningsbee’s house and Jessie McDougal, with motherly tears, explained that the little boy had been squalling because he could hear. Apparently it was quite a surprise to him, and set off the onslaught of his throat alarm.

Yes–after testing Hector, the doctors found there was a healing, and he was now able to hear just as well as any other fifteen-day-old infant.

The news spread quickly.

It became known as “the miracle baptism.” Matter of fact, three days later at the Wednesday night “Stay and Pray” service, many of the congregational members contended it was God speaking to the church–to become an international center of healing. They suggested that the whole outreach of the Garsonville Church should be using the sacraments of baptism and communion as vehicles for God to intervene–healing the sick and maybe even raising the dead.

After all, they explained, Meningsbee wanted it to be a Jesus church–and what could be more like Jesus than a “hallelujah healing?”

Meningsbee did not know what to say. He was not sure how they came up with such a conclusion based on Hector’s experience, but he also did not want to dampen their hopes and dreams.

“Folks, it could be that what happened to Hector was meant for Hector and Hector alone. Just his personal piece of God.”

Everyone was baffled at Meningsbee’s ignorance. Certainly God would not give his grace to one poor little boy, and not intend it to be offered to the masses.

Meningsbee persisted.

“I’m just saying, maybe it’s not like Coca-Cola, to be bottled up and served over the counter to anyone with a dollar-fifty who needs a magical elixir…”

No one was listening. Meningsbee was not shouted down. It was worse. He was ignored.

Complicating matters, a news organization–one of them with all the letters in its name–called and wanted to come and do an interview with the church folk, pastor, mayor, city elders and even teenagers, to discuss the strange and bizarre happenings in Garsonville, Nebraska. You see, they deemed that with all the church splits, a suicide, drug overdose and now deaf ears being opened, it was quite a feature story, and the news division felt they could market it pretty well to their listening audience.

Reverend Meningsbee was against it. But the church council saw it as a wonderful chance to share the faith and vision, and show people on the West and East Coast that God truly did favor the prairie.

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Cracked 5 … January 13, 2015

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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cracked 5 logo keeper with border final

Comments overheard near the runway at an Amish fashion show:

A. “That high collar really brings out her ears.”

B. “Dang! I’d like to get her in my buggy.”

C. “Pardon me…is this the men’s or women’s show?”

D. “That black hemp tunic is really smokin’!”

E. “My favorites? The plowing pantsuit and the barn-raisin’ bikini.”

amish

 

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Three Ways to Be Valuable Without Being Used … December 4, 2014

  Jonathots Daily Blog

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high five big

For every reason you can give to encourage people to be generous, open and expansive, they are fully prepared to counter with a hundred excuses why such benevolence never works.

It is usually accompanied by some well-rehearsed horror story, when an attempt was made to share heart, soul, mind and body with another human being, only to be used or abused.

This leaves you standing there, holding your rejected virtue, sheepishly walking away, dismantled by their aggressive dismay.

But somewhere along the line, the human race must be caring enough to include one another, or we very well may resort to eating one another.

So how can we be valuable without being used?

1. Invest in people, but do it in three phases:

(A) Start by offering your ears. If you listen to folks, and realize they are either crazy or unwilling to heed advice, you might want to keep that relationship on the back burner. But if you discover that these people are not just hearers of the word, but might actually become doers, you can move to phase two of your investing.

(B) Time. Never give people time if they’re not listening. It’s a waste of … well, time. And since you have limited quantities of that, you may not want to be too extravagant. If you discover that investing your minutes in people is fruitful, then you can consider the generosity of money.

(C) Yes, some people are worthy of a financial risk. But never pursue them if they aren’t listening.

2. Don’t be in demand–just available.

You may think it’s cool to be popular and bombarded with requests, surrounded by those who need your care, but it gets old really fast, and the personal benefits aren’t obvious. To make sure that you’re not in demand, but just available, learn how to say no.

Yes, every once in a while, when you sense that people are taking advantage of your soul, choose to pass on the present opportunity. It will balance things out and will let them know that when you are involved, you’re in it all the way.

3. Use hope for your own dreams and common sense for the dreams of others.

If you believe you’re going to be a millionaire, that’s absolutely fine. But if you’re gathering around a candle, holding hands and joining in the belief that someone else is going to be a millionaire, you’re an idiot.

Your hope belongs to you because you can sustain it with your own faith and survive any failure in your own way. But you cannot maintain the faith of another person, nor control his or her disappointment.

So when people share their dreams with you, be enthusiastic, but also ask the logical questions that cause them to think, instead of getting generally “goosey.”

If you pursue these three approaches, you can avoid being a doormat … while still becoming a door.

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*****

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