1 Thing You Can Do This Week To Be a Better Person

BE SANTA

The world is cold.

Bring warm good cheer.

Icy reactions everywhere.

Start the North Pole toy shop.

Elf gratification.

Humbly produce excellence.

Selfishness.

Bring presents

Angry mobs.

Focus on children.

Childishness.

Live childlike.

Despaired.

Make every day Christmas

Lying.

Know who is naughty and nice.

 

Donate ButtonThe producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly donation for this inspirational opportunity


Buy Mr. Kringle's TalesClick the elephant to see what he’s reading!

 

Sit Down Comedy … November 30th, 2018

Jonathots Daily Blog

(3872)

Mall Talk

Santa: Jesus Christ!

Jesus: Are you cussin’ or just glad to see me?

Santa: (hugs Jesus and pulls back) I almost didn’t recognize you.

Jesus: That’s because I’m traveling S. I.

Santa: S. I.?

Jesus: (smiling) Savior Incognito. So good to see you, old man.

Santa: Yeah, that’s interesting, because I supposedly have gained immortality, but they’ve stuck me at about seventy-five years of age.

Jesus: Well, I died at thirty-three–that’s where I’m kind of stuck, except I didn’t exactly leave behind a pretty corpse.

Santa: (frowning) Sorry about that.

Jesus: Oh, lighten up, old man. It’s Christmas. We’ll get around to that Easter stuff later.

Santa: Well, what brings you to this mall on this day?

Jesus: I was about to ask you the same question.

Santa: Well, there are so many people dressing up like me now, that it’s easy for me to slip in, as you say, incognito, and play myself at a mall. No one knows the difference.

Jesus: So why this mall?

Santa: The best damn curly fries at the food court. I’m tellin’ you, you’ve got to try them. They’re to die for.

Jesus: Was that another crack at my crucifixion?

Santa: Oh, I’m sorry…

Jesus: (punching him in the arm) Just kidding! You’ve gotta lighten up!

Santa: Well, there’s a lot of pressure. This time of year, you run into this “Christmas war” thing–you know, where you and I are supposed to be enemies. You representing the “true meaning of Christmas” and me being a commercial bungler.

Jesus: Well, don’t people know that you’re real name is Saint Nicholas?

Santa: I’ve always been your greatest fan. I watched what you did with children, learned from how you gave to people. And I took it seriously when you said in your Beatitudes, “Rejoice and be exceedingly glad.”

Jesus: And you even copied my twelve elves!

Santa: (a bit flustered) Well… Not exactly.

Jesus: Well, sometimes they acted like elves. You see, people like to keep you where they found you. Lots of folks met me in church so they think I live there. (whispering) Honest to God, Claus–I haven’t been there for years.

Santa: You’re right. Because with me, they loved the Old North Pole thing. Obviously couldn’t do all the work in one location. I have it spread all over the globe. Every once in a while, I even use Amazon.

Jesus: If people just understood that there’s no bad way to say Christmas. It’s kind of like the word “candy.” You can substitute “chocolate, peanut butter, confection, caramel”–and still, what comes to your mind is…

Santa: (interrupting) …candy. You’re right! You can say “reindeer, Christmas tree, carols, jingle bells or manger.” What comes to my mind is Christmas.

Jesus: So they can call it a holiday. That doesn’t help them. Because the word “holiday” means “holy day.” They can say “Season’s Greetings,” but everybody knows the season is Christmas.

Santa: People just fuss too much.

Jesus: I’d say “amen” but I’m not that religious.

Santa: You really aren’t, are you?

Jesus: Nope–I just love people. I love my Father, I love Mother Nature and I love the idea of life. You know I was born in a barn…

Santa: (laughing) That’s funny.

Jesus: (serious) What’s funny about it? You live in a toy shop with reindeer.

Santa: (serious) Well, I didn’t want to argue with you.

Jesus: (laughing) You really are uptight about this Christmas thing, aren’t you? Tell you what–let’s head off to the food court and you can buy me some of those curly fries and prove to me that they’re the best in the world.

Santa: That’s a deal–if you’ll tell me about the first Christmas.

Jesus: Well, I was just a little baby surrounded by asses.

(Santa is shocked)

Jesus: (poking him in the arm) You know–donkeys. Listen, old man–we’d better hurry and get those curly fries right now. You are desperately in need of some good cheer.

 

Donate Button

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this inspirational opportunity


Buy Mr. Kringle's Tales

Click the elephant to see what he’s reading!

******

Subscribe to Jonathan’s Weekly Podcast

 

Jesonian … May 5th, 2018

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3663)

Long, long ago, when Jesus and his elves–twelve in all–were on their way to Samaria to assist Conan the Barbarian in rescuing Mary of Magdala from the Cave of Sighs, where she was being tormented by seven hissing demons, they stopped at a well in Sychar, where Jesus turned its water into wine. A party ensued.

There, Jesus told his elves the story of Mary, the Mother of God, who scurried along, following a rabbit down a hole into a stable, where she had a baby, which shone like the light of day. So she went to Egypt, where she met her husband, Joseph, who was a Carpenter Warrior from Cairo.

They took the baby to see Aslan,who wrote the Chronicles, from his den in Narnia, and helped the young family avoid the onslaught of the wicked Herod of the West.

Many baby hobbits were lost, but the young King was preserved. Jesus.

So now, Jesus is walking on water on the Sea of Galilee near the tree where we all can be, can’t you see?

They continue to try to kill Jesus but he runs away and leaps upon a white horse and takes his army into battle, where he destroys all the Telmarines, and establishes his kingdom. Everyone lives happily thereafter.

*****

If you’re going to teach the lifestyle of Jesus to your children like it’s a nursery rhyme, don’t be surprised, as they grow, if they start viewing it as a fairy tale.

And “Frank”ly, it will “Baum” their lives, leaving them only with a “Tolkien” belief.

*****

Like the mind of Jesus–without religion? Buy the book!

                $7.99 plus S&H

*******

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this inspirational opportunity

Donate Button

PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant … December 14th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3155)

pohymn-christmas-mat

A Sprinkle

A sprinkle of hope, a jingled bell

A manger scene does my soul quite well

A Christmas tune under candlelight

Angels heard on high, O silent night

Thinking a moment about a friend

Wishing the joy would never end

Perched in front of a blazing fire

Shedding a tear, hearing the choir

Ignoring the pressure to be over-wrought

Tweaked with glee over the treasures I’ve bought

Some see angels, others dream of elves

Be at peace, let them choose for themselves

For the season has only one danger

Don’t forget the message of the manger

Peace on Earth, good will to all

Be still, my soul, and heed the call

Ho-ho-ho and hal-le-lu

Taking this chance to think of you

Before the tree becomes the cross

Before the battles report their loss

Before the evil touts its power

It’s time for Christmas, a holy hour

To ask and have it given

To seek and find true livin’

To knock and enter sweet heaven

Merry Christmas to the wise from afar

Who still continue to follow the Star.

Donate Button

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this inspirational opportunity


Don’t let another Christmas season go by without owning Jonathan’s book of Christmas stories

Mr. Kringle’s Tales …26 Stories ‘Til Christmas

Only $5.99 plus $1.25 shipping and handling!

An advent calendar of stories, designed to enchant readers of all ages

“Quite literally the best Christmas stories I have ever read.” — Arthur Holland, Shelby, North Carolina

Only $5.99 plus $1.25 shipping and handling.

"Buy

 

 

 

Cracked 5 … November 22nd, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3133)

cracked 5 logo keeper with border

Things That Santa Claus Does the Day Before Thanksgiving

A.  Pick his cabinet from the available elves, trolls and fairies

 

B.  Insist his red suit shrunk at the cleaners

 

C.  “Sastify” hot Mama Claus

 

D.  Put on his spectacles that make it easy to read crayon

 

E.  Get the sleigh out of hock

 

cracked-5-santa

 

Donate Button

Don’t let another Christmas season go by without owning Jonathan’s book of Christmas stories

Mr. Kringle’s Tales …26 Stories ‘Til Christmas

Only $5.99 plus $1.25 shipping and handling!

An advent calendar of stories, designed to enchant readers of all ages

“Quite literally the best Christmas stories I have ever read.” — Arthur Holland, Shelby, North Carolina

Only $5.99 plus $1.25 shipping and handling.

"Buy

 

 

 

Cracked 5 … December 15th, 2015

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(2783)

cracked 5 logo keeper with border

Using 2016 Presidential Candidates, These Are Names Santa Has Given to Some of His Reindeer

A. Trumper: a rein-maker

B. Rubiolio: worker on a “cute” angles

C. Cruz Control: sleigh driver

D. Clintonic: Secretary of Skates

E. Bernie and Fiorina: a deer couple

Cracked 5 Reindeer Trumper

 

Donate Button

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

***************************

Don’t let another Christmas go by without purchasing Jonathan’s bestselling Christmas book!

Mr. Kringle’s Tales … 26 Stories ‘Til Christmas

Click here to read all about Mr. Kringle's Tales...26 Stories Til Christmas! Only $5.99 plus $1.25 shipping and handling.

Click here to read all about Mr. Kringle’s Tales…26 Stories Til Christmas! Only $5.99 plus $1.25 shipping and handling.

 

“The best Christmas stories I’ve ever read!”

From the toy shop to the manger, an advent calendar of Christmas stories, beginning on November 30th and ending on Christmas morning.

We need a good Christmas this year.

Mr. Kringle’s Tales will help you make it so.

Buy today.

"Buy

 

 

Cracked 5 … December 8th, 2015

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(2776)

cracked 5 logo keeper with border

Ideas A New Talent Agent Wants to Institute to Promote Santa Claus

A. An all-black suit:  Bleak, but slimming.

B. Santana Claus: Carols, slick with guitar licks.

C. New reality show from the North Pole: Toying Around. (Spoiler alert–many elves are bi-polar.)

D. Slightly soften “You better watch out” slogan to “Be cool, fool.” (Complete with Christmas rapping…)

E. Getting in front of the rumor that Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is transgender. The new name is “Rulinda.” 

Rudolph Girl

 

Donate Button

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

***************************

Don’t let another Christmas go by without purchasing Jonathan’s bestselling Christmas book!

Mr. Kringle’s Tales … 26 Stories ‘Til Christmas

Click here to read all about Mr. Kringle's Tales...26 Stories Til Christmas! Only $5.99 plus $1.25 shipping and handling.

Click here to read all about Mr. Kringle’s Tales…26 Stories Til Christmas! Only $5.99 plus $1.25 shipping and handling.

 

“The best Christmas stories I’ve ever read!”

From the toy shop to the manger, an advent calendar of Christmas stories, beginning on November 30th and ending on Christmas morning.

We need a good Christmas this year.

Mr. Kringle’s Tales will help you make it so.

Buy today.

"Buy

 

 

%d bloggers like this: