Jonathots Daily Blog
(2711)
XXII.
I confess so I can heal.
If I deny, I remain sick.
One of the dangers of doing noble deeds is the human tendency to desire to be treated with some nobility for doing so.
Of course, it doesn’t work that way.
During my years of living in Tennessee, I was party to beginning an orchestra in our hometown. It went well. Matter of fact, doors were opened so that we could offer an entertaining and enlightening musical program to the local elementary schools using a small ensemble from the larger body.
This project was so successful that we were invited to present these programs at ten elementary schools in the Roanoke, Virginia, school district.
We were thrilled.
The first day we did four schools and everything went well. At the end of the second day, we were finishing up our program when a teacher in the back of the auditorium began to gather up her children like little chickadees in preparation to take them out to the bus for departure.
We were at the height of the most important part of our communication with the students, and in my pridefulness, I became incensed at her insensitivity. So as soon as we finished our last note and took our bows, I immediately stomped over to the young woman and confronted her over what I considered to be an egregious error on her part–ignoring our work merely to prepare her children.
I was not foul or mean, but very confrontational–and I did it in front of the students.
She was shocked, offended, and immediately went to her principal to “tell on me.”
So by the end of the day, the principal of the school had contacted our sponsor and informed him of my breach,. Meanwhile, I was being reinforced by my own team, who told me I was being “honest and brave, sticking up for myself,” in dealing with this lady.
So long story short, the sponsor of our event was so thrilled with what was going on that he forgave my indiscretion and we continued the school concerts without any further furor.
Matter of fact, to this day those closest to me would consider me to be justified. That young teacher probably marks it as the day she was accosted by an asshole.
What is the truth?
The truth of the matter is, true beauty does not need praise.
Excellence can continue to thrive minus applause.
And the message will get through without us over-promoting it.
I was wrong.
I was wrong to accost a young woman, no matter what her motivations were. My job is to work on my own motivations.
I was wrong to do it in front of her students, and I was wrong to take a pass simply because I have enough talent that people are afraid to confront me.
Have I ever been so overwhelmingly egotistical and defensive again?
I suppose I have.
But I have taken the time to put a hole in that tank of ego and let it gradually drain out onto the ground–where it belongs.
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