Cracked 5 … May 23rd, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4418)

Great Ideas for This Year’s Graduates

 

A. Stand six feet apart and shoot off fireworks.

 

B. Have your diploma driven by your house in a convertible, displayed by a sorority girl.

 

C. Laugh, and call yourselves “The Classless of 2020.”

 

D. Make sure to quarantine your diploma for two weeks until it’s safe to handle.

 

E. Formal mask and gown

 

 

Cracked 5 … July 3rd, 2018

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Jonathots Daily Blog

(3722)

The Reason Fireworks Make a Lot Of Sense for July 4th

A. They make a lot of sound but not much sense

 

B. They sparkle but quickly fizzle

 

C. You can blow things up

 

D. “God Bless America” doesn’t sound quite so arrogant

 

E. They’re cheap

 

 

 

 

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

 

 

Cracked 5 … June 27th, 2017

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Jonathots Daily Blog

(3350)

Ways to Celebrate Our Founding Fathers on July 4th Other Than Fireworks

A.  POWDER AND SNUFF

A cavalcade of powdered wigs and various opiates and hallucinogenic drugs inhaled and smoked by the Continental Congress

B.  REACH FOR A LEECH

Bring your family for a once-in-a-lifetime “placing of the leeches”–so they can see how the colonists attempted to cure all disease (paramedics standing by in case of great blood loss)

C.  “TAKE A NEGRO TO WORK” DAY

Call up one of your friends of color and take him to your job as your slave, complete with chains and desperate expression. Yes, you can be Tom Jefferson, and he can be just “Tom.”

D.  ODORATION

Come and experience various chambers with early American body odor sprayed in, to give you the experience of sniffing people who wore too many clothes and did not use deodorant.

E.  MUSKETING

Salute to the Second Amendment–a Revolutionary War Gun Show, complete with unreliable, sometimes exploding flintlocks, and a chart displaying that it would take approximately seventeen straight hours for a mass killer to murder 25 people with a musket. (That’s if everyone agreed to hang around for the re-loading.)

 

 

 

 

The Absence of Presence… August 22, 2013

Jonathots Daily Blog

(1983)

As for me, I like my fireworks to be explosive, lighting up the night sky with beautiful colors. I am not interested in any kind of firework that has been diffused of explosion and can only muster muted tones of brown.

In our attempt to make everything safe, common, accessible and equal, we gradually have taken all the “presence” from the institutions and outreaches that make human life rich with experience.

Chief among them, to me, is the church.

An organism that should exude life, energy, jubilance and spiritual unpredictability has been disemboweled by caution, tradition, suspicion and  judmentalism. It has become a Petrie dish for the study of prejudice or, at times, a sure cure for insomnia.

It is disappointing to hear those who have chosen a path of disbelief to win the day simply because the individuals who were meant to prosper and live abundantly under spiritual energy have decided to entomb their faith in the grave of repetition.

It is equally as disheartening to see a government that is “for the people, by the people and of the people” brought to a screeching halt, or maybe better phrased, a grinding cessation, by political stubbornness and arrogant posturing.

There are things that are meant to have a presence.

The word “church” should bring a smile to our faces and evoke memories of joy. And the utterance of the United States of America should put a chill of hope down our spines–for a world that struggles in tyranny and poverty.

Instead, we have surgically removed all the aspiration from our faith and our country, to whittle ourselves to a futile fussiness which we interpret as “adult debate.”

Jesus warned the Pharisees that they were concerned about the money and the organization of their religion, but had forgotten the weightier matters of judgment, mercy and faith.

Judgment: a decision to honor what is truly valuable instead of coins that can be counted.

Mercy: packaging what we evangelize to be appealing to human beings–our market.

Faith: being prepared to evolve toward greater understanding of God instead of diverse interpretations of scripture.

Until we put the presence back into our spirituality and our government, the absence will leave behind the anarchy of loneliness.

I am hopeful.

I refuse to be defeated.

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

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