Jonathots Daily Blog
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Dear Man: Do you like M & M’s?
Dear Woman: Yeah, I suppose so.
Dear Man: What flavor?
Dear Woman: I haven’t given it much thought. I guess the red ones.
Dear Man: Is that strawberry or cherry?
Dear Woman: Like I said, I don’t think about M & Ms much. It’s kind of a kid’s candy. But I guess cherry.
Dear Man: There’s only one flavor. Chocolate.
Dear Woman: What do you mean?
Dear Man: I mean that the candy-coated shell is just a color, not a flavor.
Dear Woman: Are you sure?
Dear Man: Positive. They were trying to sell chocolate, wanted to find a cute way to do it, so they surrounded it with a candy shell and colorized it.
Dear Woman: Wow. I hadn’t thought of that before.
Dear Man: I have. Especially recently. You see, that’s what they’ve done to us–men and women.
Dear Woman: Turned us into M & M’s?
Dear Man: Exactly. We’re really both chocolate. We’re just human beings. 99 percent of our physical makeup is identical. But society comes along and coats us in a candy shell and gives us a color.
Dear Woman: So what’s my color?
Dear Man: You know. The standard. Pink for me and blue for you. They will also let you be brown. But you’d better not choose yellow, red or even green, or you could be accused of being…well, you know.
Dear Woman: Shall we say effeminate? Since it would be completely politically incorrect to say gay? But on the other hand, as a woman you are allowed to be a little bit blue, but if you turned brown, then you would be too macho.
Dear Man: Or the politically incorrect term, butch. And even though there’s no validity to the colorations and the candy shell doesn’t produce any flavor, we still live by the colors. And did you know–there are rock and roll bands who insist on having only green M & M’s?
Dear Woman: Clever. But what’s your point?
Dear Man: I guess my point is, the more we try to designate each other by color, race, religion and gender, the less we realize that we’re all chocolate.
Dear Woman: But aren’t some differences a good thing? Isn’t it important for men and women to have unique aspects, to keep the mystery in our romance?
Dear Man: I guess if that actually did happen it would be alright. But we use our difference to prove how separate we are–therefore establishing that it’s basically impossible for us to coexist without arguing or fighting. Can I tell you something? You’re a great guy, but you’re not all blue.
Dear Woman: What do you mean, I’m not all blue?
Dear Man: Well, you’re afraid of spiders. You don’t like to get your hands too dirty. And you don’t sit around drinking beers and watching football all the time.
Dear Woman: What’s wrong with that?
Dear Man: Nothing–except it adds a little pink to your shell. At least by the standards of our society. They say you’re supposed to be the aggressor and I’m supposed to be the vanquished.
Dear Woman: So what color would you say I am?
Dear Man: Well, kind of purple. Not a raving lavender–more a mauve.
Dear Woman: This is so stupid. And by the way, you’re not all pink. You’re kind of purple, too–because for some reason, you like to check the oil in your own car.
Dear Man: You see what I mean? We’re both shades of purple. Even in the M & M world, our candy colors are more alike than different.
Dear Woman: So why don’t people recognize this?
Dear Man: Because there are billions of dollars to be made by insisting there’s a war between the sexes instead of finding our common flavor.
Dear Woman: You really think it’s all about money?
Dear Man: “The love of money is the root of all evil.”
Dear Woman: Do you think it can change?
Dear Man: I think it can, if we put away childish things…like M & M’s.
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