Dear Man/Dear Woman: A Noteworthy Conversation … August 27th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3046)

Dear Woman: My girlfriend broke up with me.

 

Dear Man: Well, don’t look at me. I know you too well to be your girlfriend.

 

Dear Woman: I wasn’t flirting–just sharing.

 

Dear Man: And I was just kidding. What happened?

 

Dear Woman: According to her, nothing. That was the problem. She said I was too predictable.

 

Dear Man: And predictable is a problem because…?

 

Dear Woman: Because of the way we began. I think we believed we were overall attracted to one another, but it was just a sexual connection. We thought we could transform that spark into something more lasting.

 

Dear Man: Isn’t that true of every relationship? You start off with the hots, it chills, and then you try to find something cool.

 

Dear Woman: I don’t think so. I think there are relationships that are just sexual, but we’re afraid to admit this to ourselves, so we try to force conversation over delivered pizza.

 

Dear Man: So what is the difference between a sexual relationship and another?

 

Dear Woman: Well, let’s take an arbitrary number. How about 422? Yes, after the 422nd time you have sex, about everything that can possibly be physically discovered about each other has been completed. So then you either have a personal interest which sustains the coupling, or you start picking at each other, looking for a reason to split.

 

Dear Man: So do you think it’s about a personal interest?

 

Dear Woman: No, I don’t think a personal interest sustains two people, either. It must become a mutual interest. There has to be a reason to coagulate.

 

Dear Man: Coagulate? What an interesting word.

 

Dear Woman: Yes. It’s like blood clotting, You have so much going on with each other that you turn into a common scab.

 

Dear Man: Honestly, I think that’s the end of that analogy.

 

Dear Woman: Yeah, you’re probably right. But if a sexual interest does not have a personal interest which ends up with a mutual interest, you’re going to bounce off to the next piece of heat.

 

Dear Man: You know where I think the problem is? Women get trapped in the idea of being thrilled to be wanted, and men think it’s enough to want.

 

Dear Woman: I suppose it keeps procreation going on, but it certainly is not the climate for a good give-and-take between a man and woman.

 

Dear Man: I’m a woman. It’s not enough to be wanted. That’s what I need to tell my daughters. Many men will want you. You can’t comply simply because it feels good to be told you’re pretty.

 

Dear Woman: And I’m a man. It’s not enough for me just to want. I want–I have this little trigger in the lower part of my body that confirms the necessity. But it doesn’t mean that I should subjugate a woman or that I should make promises I can’t keep.

 

Dear Man: Human sexuality is screwed up, and that’s why gender wars are unleashed, and equality seems impossible.

 

Dear Woman: When I have children, I will teach the girls that it’s not enough to be wanted, and the boys that it’s not enough to want.

 

Dear Man: And I will teach my children the same, and tell them that the only way to ultimately show respect to another person is to make sure, at all junctures, that they are making their own choices.

 

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Dear Man/Dear Woman: A Noteworthy Conversation … March 5th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(2864)

 

 

Dear Man: Have you done any thinking about our discussion?

 

Dear Woman: Discussion? What discussion?

 

Dear Man: Are you getting senile?

 

Dear Woman: Don’t you have to be old for that?

 

Dear Man: No, just forgetful.

 

Dear Woman: Oh, I know what you’re talking about. The flirting thing.

 

Dear Man: “Flirty Thirty.”

 

Dear Woman: You know, it’s really true. I just feel better when I know that I’m attractive, and I also feel that I am giving good things to people when I let them know that they have beauty also.

 

Dear Man: That was really well said.

 

Dear Woman: So therefore I’m not senile?

 

Dear Man: We shall see. Let’s continue. After you get done with the “Flirty Thirty”–that 30% of each of us that needs to feel attractive–you move into the “Heavenly Seventy.”

 

Dear Woman: The name’s a little cute.

 

Dear Man: I know. But it does help you remember it.

 

Dear Woman: I suppose. So what is the “Heavenly Seventy?”

 

Dear Man: It’s the part of the relationship between men and women which is completely lost because we’re so self-absorbed with maintaining differences, hoping that the thirty percent of flirtation will carry the relationship through.

 

Dear Woman: Thirty percent isn’t a whole of anything.

 

Dear Man: Exactly. But what we’re afraid of is the word “human.” Matter of fact, we’re so frightened that anyone who says “human being” or “human race” is looked on as a doctor–or a hippie from the 1960s.

 

Dear Woman: Why do you think that’s true?

 

Dear Man: I don’t want to subscribe to conspiracy theories, but there is an abiding notion that if we can keep each other separated by color, culture and gender, then we can continue to feel superior to some group and therefore, establish our dominance.

 

Dear Woman: I don’t want to be dominant.

 

Dear Man: Good. Then you’ve got a chance at being human.

 

Dear Woman: So what makes us human?

 

Dear Man: Are you really interested, or is it just that you can’t find a way to get out of this conversation?

 

Dear Woman: To be honest, I don’t know if I’m interested because I don’t know if what you’re going to share is interesting or not.

 

Dear Man: More than your approval, your affection or even your genitals, I need your humanity.

 

Dear Woman: That’s a bold statement. So what is my humanity? What makes up this seventy percent? How do we break down the walls and become human beings?

 

Dear Man: Well, this is just my opinion, but it’s kind of a process. And it starts with, “Will you listen to what I say?”

 

Dear Woman: Yeah, I listen.

 

Dear Man: No, I mean that being human is listening to what someone says without having an opinion about it.

 

Dear Woman: So what you’re saying is, you hear them. You just stop for a moment, listen, and hear what they have to say.

 

Dear Man: Exactly. And then you try to encourage what you can of what you’re hearing.

 

Dear Woman: Obviously, if they’re trying to commit suicide, you shouldn’t suggest methods.

 

Dear Man: Very funny. Obviously. But once you encourage what you can, then part of being a human being is gently but firmly holding them to their promise.

 

Dear Woman: That’s tricky. Some people would call that interference.

 

Dear Man: Not if it’s their idea and their words.

 

Dear Woman: What if they change their mind?

 

Dear Man: Then help them to forgive themselves for failing. It’s okay. It’s all part of being alive. If life was about success, most of the time we’d be depressed.

 

Dear Woman: So it’s important to forgive them and help them forgive themselves for falling short. I see that. So that gives them the chance to start over.

 

Dear Man: That’s why most people are miserable. They’re stuck in a failure from years ago without feeling they have the grace to start over.

 

Dear Woman: So it’s our job to help other people achieve that.

 

Dear Man: And it’s also our job to help them laugh. It’s rather difficult to forget stupidity unless you can laugh at it.

 

Dear Woman: That’s powerful stuff.

 

Dear Man: It’s why the “Flirty Thirty” makes us attractive, but the humanity makes us enjoy each other.

 

Dear Woman: Why isn’t this taught? Why are we so ignorant about this? Why is it all romance and flowers?

 

Dear Man: Because if every problem can be solved by sending flowers, then we don’t have to really care that much, do we?

 

Dear Woman: It’s a great process.

 

Dear Man: Now, let’s make it our own.

 

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Dear Man/Dear Woman: A Noteworthy Conversation … February 27th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(2857)

Dear Man: What do you want from me?

 

Dear Woman: Well, I guess, everything.

 

Dear Man: Everything?

 

Dear Woman: Was that the wrong answer? Because if I said “nothing,” it wouldn’t sound very good.

 

Dear Man: I’m not trying to trick you. I’ve just been thinking about it a lot. I’ve come up with this idea of the “Flirty Thirty.”

 

Dear Woman: I’m listening…

 

Dear Man: I think as men and women what we really want from each other–30 percent of what we’re trying to acquire–is simply the knowledge that we’re attractive.

 

Dear Woman: I can see where that would be important.

 

Dear Man: And I don’t think it’s just man to woman. I think it’s also man to man and woman to woman. As human beings, we need to believe that we are viable to the tribe. Sexual.

 

Dear Womn: I think I’m getting your point. But do you think it’s possible to be considered sexual without trying to take it to the next stage, of having sex?

 

Dear Man: I not only think so, I believe we need to teach people that flirting and granting others the blessing of knowing that they’re part of the race, and they’re not a bunch of trolls or tree stumps, is necessary to their self-worth, without communicating that every boost of confidence is making a pass at someone.

 

Dear Woman: I think women do that to men by expressing admiration and respect.

 

Dear Man: I think it’s the same thing for women. Women want to be admired and respected.

 

Dear Woman: So what happens if the “Flirty Thirty” is misinterpreted, and you get other people jealous or it leads to a bunch of affairs?

 

Dear Man: Well, it does. That’s the problem. Because we’ve declared a war between the genders, we have begun to believe that the only thing that unites us is a mutual interest in sex. So we try to live on 30 percent of a relationship, which causes more romantic collisions than true encounters of mutual understanding.

 

Dear Woman: So what you’re saying is that if you flirt with me, you’re not saying you want to go to bed, you’re granting me the gift of knowing that you don’t find me repulsive, and you’re fully aware that somebody might want to go to bed with me?

 

Dear Man: Yeah, that’s kind of it. And the reason I say that men do it to men is because we have this phrase, “he’s a man’s man”–which really means that men think he’s so manly that they’re sure women would want him.

 

Dear Woman: And with women to women, it’s the imitation one woman has of another woman’s approach, which flatters her sexuality.

 

Dear Man: Yeah, I think so.

 

Dear Woman: So why don’t people talk about the Flirty Thirty?

 

Dear Man: Because they either put too much emphasis on sex or they approach it too casually, instead of realizing that the value of our sexuality is to become better humans.

 

Dear Woman: So what you’re saying is, if I don’t think I’m sexy, I may not have the oom-pah to give a damn about much of anything else.

 

Dear Man: Yeah. It may sound shallow, but it’s true. I need to feel attractive to attract, so that I can discover the real attractions of life.

 

Dear Woman: That was nicely said. So we’ve got the Flirty Thirty–what about the other 70 percent?

 

Dear Man: That’s enough for now, cutie.

 

Dear Woman: Cutie? You know, you’re right. It works.

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