Sit Down Comedy … June 28th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

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What it takes to be a:

Politician—Finding yourself unexplainably interesting

Mother—Still not crying over spilled milk

Father—Hanging around to plan birthday parties

Football player—Surviving the hits

Farmer—First, plant yourself

Chauvinist—Act like a pig

Christian—Hate religion but love Jesus

Soldier—Take orders

Banker—Be-A-Count-Able

Butcher—A real cut-up

Blogger—Keeping your parents’ basement reasonably clean

Housewife—A house, a husband…a kitchen

Model—Cat-walking (no fur)

Singer—Croon in tune

Dancer—Stepping up to the routine

Professor—Be noteworthy

Poet—Making rhyme with your reason

Carpenter—Nailing it down and not screwing it up

Pilot—Staying high at all times

Salesman—Selling out

Uber Driver—Unoffended when angry people tell you where to go

Author—Finding the words, editing the turds

Doctor—Smooth operator

Lawyer—Making a federal case out of everything

Matador—Swooshing through the bullshit with your glorious cape

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If God Was … July 26, 2012

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If God was a child, He would play more than pray.

If God was a dancer, His steps would be well-ordered.

If God was…

• a minister, He would practice more than preach.
• an elephant, He would remember what’s really important.
• a donkey, He would carry truth into town and invite praise.
• a cat, everything would be pu-r-r-r-fect.
• a banker, He would show interest instead of collecting it.
• a rock star, He would make a joyful noise and party with sinners.

Yes, if God was a grammarian, He would insist that we edit this work to say, “If God WERE a grammarian.”

If God was …

• a chef, He would proclaim, “Come and dine.”
• a billionaire, He would know that man does not live by bread alone.
• a weatherman, He would let us know, “To everything there is a season.”
• an atheist, He would try the spirits, and see if there is a God.

Yes, if God was a woman, He would rule the world while birthing children.

Likewise, if He was a man, He would be a good father and son, with a Holy Spirit.

If God was a student, He would study to show Himself approved.

And if He was a football player, He would run and not be weary, and “pass” on condemnation.

If God was a conservative, He would be a good one–minus the belief that humans are naturally evil.

If God was a liberal, He would be a good one–minus the belief that humans are naturally good.

If God was a comedian, He would rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say, rejoice.

If He was a hippie, He would honk because He loves Jesus.

And finally, if God was a dog, He would be man’s best friend.

God is this and so much more. He is less, and still more.

If He is real, we are in for quite a ride. If it is all a figment of our imagination, then we have the same ride … alone.

   

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity