Cracked 5 … May 18th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

Some Very Unnecessary Political Insults (But Curious)

A.  Demobrats

B.  The Congrossman

C.  Repukelicans

D.  Fixed News

 E.  Electoral Kindergarten

 

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Cracked 5 … March 30th, 2019

 


Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

Things You Might Want to Do Upon Posting Your 4,000th Daily Blog

 

A.  Call Leonardo DiCaprio and yell into the phone, “No! I am the King of the World!”

 

B.  Write some sort of stupid article or comedy piece to announce it

 

C.  Sit by your phone waiting for CNN and Fox News to contact you, while ordering a pizza, pretending they already did

 

D.  Pick your nose—without shame, blame or any regard for the politically correct masses

 

E.  Purposely choose to develop writer’s block

Jonathan Richard Cring

  
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G-Poppers … March 17th, 2017

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G-Pop has a message for his children.

Please keep in mind, G-Pop isn’t always right–it’s more like G-Pop has an eye for noticing what’s wrong. It doesn’t mean everything he says is going to work perfectly. It just means that everything that’s being said right now is working horribly.

Today G-Pop wants to talk about the “Art of Smart.”

Life on Planet Earth is not complicated if you understand that it does come with instructions. Now, whether you believe those instructions come from Nature, from God or from your own enlightened spirit is up to you. But there are three obvious parts to the “Art of Smart:”

1. Don’t join with the world.

Truthfully, the world is usually wrong. Fads fade. Trends phase out. And we eventually come back to universal principles that grant us purpose. You don’t need to be a brat about it, but you need to be leery of people who think you’re out of step simply because you refuse to chase the bandwagon.

2. Don’t give up on people.

Human beings are not going away. They’re also not going to change because you desire it. The best exercise for the human spirit is to learn how to get along with other people–especially when it’s not easy. You will never get the respect of the true God of the Universe by criticizing His favorite creation.

3. Don’t be afraid to be wrong.

Don’t delay admitting it. Don’t regret it happened. Be ecstatically overjoyed that you caught the wrong before it killed you. Every human being is wrong at least half the time.

If G-Pop told you that your car would only start on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and maybe on Sunday, you would know your vehicle is not trustworthy.

Likewise, your instincts will not carry you through to happy conclusions all the time. So develop a profile, a style, an attitude, a sense of humor and a repentance over those frequent occasions when you discover you’re wrong, and realize that the sooner you change, the quicker you will get back to being successful.

This is the “Art of Smart.”

  • You will not hear it on CNN tonight.
  • Fox News has decided not to carry it.
  • It will not be touted by the President, Congress or any of the members of the Cabinet.

G-Pop is giving you an advantage of being on the cutting edge by avoiding the world, working with people and admitting you’re wrong.

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Good News and Better News … October 24th, 2016

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good-news-plainwell-stage

Yesterday when I arrived at the First United Methodist Church of Plainwell, Michigan, a gentleman asked me, “So, what do you think about the 2016 Presidential election?”

I replied, “It’s like going to the grocery store to get some steak and finding out they’ve only got baloney.”

Yes. The campaign is just “cold cuts.”

So it’s very important that when we come to church, we give those who have chosen to attend a “people experience”–full of emotion, joy, humor and inspiration–because they certainly are not going to get it on MSNBC, CNN or Fox News. Likewise, neither Donald nor Hillary are motivated to edify people.

My Plainwell experience began the day before when I arrived for setup, and was delighted to meet Pastor Kathy and Sue, who generously afforded us their efforts, hospitality and gentleness. They were absolutely inspiring human beings who just happened to be women.

Therefore, when Sunday rolled around, my heart was full, and I wanted to ensure that everyone I met was aware that even though the world is full of tribulation, this is our season to “be of good cheer.”

good-news-plainwell-cup-and-spoonHowever, serving up good cheer demands that you portion things off in the right units. Otherwise, the recipe doesn’t taste quite right.

For instance, I do think we need a tablespoon of Bible–as long as it’s mingled with a cup of mercy.

How about a tablespoon of prayer, with a cup of helping out?

You can have a handful of church if you throw in a bunch of kindness.

I would welcome a teaspoon of preaching mingled with a quart of living.

I think you can have a cup of worship if you stir in a gallon of joy.

I suppose I could stand a pinch of study, if it will motivate a dash of discovery.

And certainly feel free to throw in a tablespoon of faith–as long as you realize it functions best with a cup full of effort.

The Gospel works because it is suited to people.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells us to find the gaps in the world, and instead of being angry about them, fill them:

  • Life is rather tasteless, so bring your salt.
  • Things get pretty dark, so make sure you light it up.
  • Most people demand–learn to ask.
  • Lots of folks blame. Jesus suggests that we seek.
  • And of course, it’s very common to stand on the outside and feel cheated, but Jesus insists that it’s more fulfilling to knock on the door.

We had a fabulous time yesterday in Plainwell.

We laughed, cried, snickered, snorted, watched, listened and embraced. It was a human event–which means it gave God glory, since He was the One who came up with the idea of humanity in the first place.

So the good news is, church is a great remedy for politics.

And the better news is, the more people-friendly church becomes, the more people will be drawn to it.

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G-Poppers … May 6th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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The situation is that our solution has actually become our problem.

G-Pop is trying to explain this to his son.

Even though there is a strong contingency of the American public which contends we are a “Christian nation,” when it comes to dealing with others, our prejudices and our policies, we completely abandon the teachings of Jesus in favor of the message of Mesopotamia.

Therefore we tout “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth,” and “our country, right or wrong.”

So we end up with two candidates for President who both have unfavorable ratings and seem baffled by their unpopularity. But it’s really quite simple. Even though there may be a rag-tag group of citizens who cheer arrogance and self-reliance, all of us know in our hearts what is necessary to be a human being:

  1. “From what I know…”
  2.  “I was wrong.”

Any time those two statements are ignored or even pushed to the rear in favor of barnstorming stubbornness, you have a credibility problem.

Since none of us are sure of anything, taking the precaution of being candid about our knowledge is only wise.

In like manner, keeping in our back pocket the ability to be wrong without feeling that we’re diminishing our career is equally as valuable, so that people can trust us.

So it is ironic that we campaign for our two candidates while simultaneously voicing that we don’t trust them.

Of course we don’t.

  • Both of them plot instead of letting the truth play out.
  • They both maneuver instead of managing the circumstances provided.

And they defend themselves instead of allowing the new revelation to push them to the forefront as leaders.

You have to make up your mind. CNN, Fox News and MSNBC may love a fight among the candidates. They say it makes good news. Actually, it makes bad news, which they spin into good revenue through advertising.

But if you’re going to edify people, you will have to be forthcoming about what you presently know and also be prepared to be wrong.

G-Pop realizes there are those reading this who would say, “Politics doesn’t work that way.”

But he would retort, “Therefore, politics doesn’t work.”

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Cracked 5 … October 27th, 2015

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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Questions the Congressional Committee Might Like to Ask Me

A. Excuse me, sir … who are you?

 

B. You’re a big’un. How much you weigh?

 

C. FOX News or MSNBC?

 

D. When the Benghazi compound was attacked, is it true you were carelessly at home eating a hot dog?

 

E. Do you know anything about anything?

 

Cracked 5 Trey Gowdy

 

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The Rule of Croak … March 31, 2014

Jonathots Daily Blog  

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bullfrogIf you want to be effective, start affecting what you can affect–or become a freak by freaking out about what you consider freaky.

The rule of croak–it’s very simple:

If it goes on after I die, I will stop worrying about it while I live.

I have sons with wives and I have grandchildren. They have lives of their own and will do just fine after I escape this mortal portal. All that will be left of me is a memory, so I should be about the business of making memories.

I know it is popular to believe that life is hard. I suppose if you decide to complicate it by involving yourself in matters that do not directly pertain to your field of activity and scope of influence…well, perhaps it becomes twisted.

But it is elementary when you school yourself on your field of expertise and you know exactly what makes you unique to life as we know it.

  • My family will go on without me.
  • The Dow Jones will not lose a point upon hearing of my death.
  • CNN and FOX News will have no controversy concerning my demise.

What will be affected are my writings, my music, my traveling, my heart, my humor, my ideas, my wit, my whimsy, and probably my business partner, who’s been working with me for eighteen years and may notice for a season that the “oom-pah” of her life has lost some “oom.”

So since this is directly in my field of play, it is what I will pursue.

It reminds me of the time when someone asked me if I wanted to play hardball or softball. When I examined the two balls, I saw that both would be rather hard if they hit you. What makes softball more pleasing is that it is pitched your way underhanded, it’s slower and it’s bigger, and therefore easier to hit.

There you go.

The rule of croak is like the game of softball–finding the pitches that come your way, keeping your eye on that big ball and doing your best to hit it out of the park.

True pride and vanity is any notion that we have power, influence or even consideration in any matters other than those directly linked to us.

I reject that vanity.

So to my children, friends, the US government and the rest of Planet Earth, let me tell you that I will give you a blessing–and myself one as well:

I will stay out of your business unless I know I have something that will help, and I will focus on what I can do and keep doing it better and better … until I’m no longer allowed to hop around.

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