Sit Down Comedy … March 27th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4362)

 

Reveille

1. Eyes pop open, allowing the “sleepies” to crunch, break and fall into the crevices at the side of the socket.

2. Pause. Don’t judge how you feel. It will usually get better.

3. Find your toes and wiggle them slowly, then faster and faster, like you’re five years old on Christmas morning.

4. Pull one foot from under the covers. Give it a full ten seconds to look around.

5. Breathe the air deeply three times. Thank God, you still have oxygen.

6. Allow the leg attached to that foot acting as a scout to slide off the mattress and matriculate to the floor, coaxing the other leg to follow.

7. Immediately say, “I am not dead,” and then try to be glad about it.

8. Two feet down, rub them on the floor like they are learning choreography and this is the first rehearsal.

9. Think something funny.

10. Say it out loud in a funny way.

11. Think of someone who’s mad at you.

12. Grab your phone and text them to forgive, forget or apologize.

13. Stand and reach for the ceiling (ignore all creaking).

14. Go to the bathroom and enjoy Royal Pee (the piss of the gods).

15. Complete your bathroom ritual, known only to you and sacred through your birthright.

16. Emerge and put on the clothes you selected the night before. Never wait ‘til morning to choose your duds. Too much pressure from ignored footwear.

17. Pause. Think up your morning greeting. What will it be? Make it different every day. For instance, “The canary died, but I escaped the mine.” Or “I smell like a living person.”

18. Come to kitchen. Hydrate—drink. See what is available to eat. Choose two.

19. Converse in reverse. Don’t ask people how they are. Tell them how you are, with hopes they will join in.

20. Ask the family pet three humorous questions, but don’t pause for answers.

21. Text someone you love and confirm it.

22. Leave with friendly thoughts.

23. Start your car. Let it idle for one minute.

24. Take that minute to pronounce aloud two things you are grateful for and two things you desire to achieve.

25. Drive off, making sure you are the first one to let someone into traffic in front of you.

Make Me … July 7, 2014

 

Jonathots Daily Blog

(2284)

Viewing violence makes me grouchy

Religious ritual makes me fussy

Politics makes me intolerant

Laziness makes me fat and cynical

Reading books makes me book-smart

Laughing, believe it or not, makes me sleep

Sleeping makes me pleasant

Pleasant makes me friendly

Friendly makes me friends

Friends make me confident

Confident makes me hopeful

Hopeful makes me creative

Creative makes …

Creativity

At the end of my sharing yesterday in Janesville, Wisconsin, a young fellow came to my table and gave me a picture he had drawn. His name was Garrhett.

He told me that he had created the image during my show, and his mother said he should give it to me.

I told him I would use it in one of my jonathots. He looked at me with great disbelief, as if to say, “Sure you will.”

So here you go, Garrhett. Here’s your picture, as promised.

And by the way, you made me do it.

 

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

Click here to get info on the “Gospel According to Common Sense” Tour

Please contact Jonathan’s agent, Jackie Barnett, at (615) 481-1474, for information about scheduling SpiriTed in 2014.

Click here to listen to Spirited music