Cracked 5 … February 6th, 2018

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Jonathots Daily Blog

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Upcoming Disney Movie Releases

　

A. FOG

(A beautiful princess finds herself trapped in a bank of fog which extends for hundreds of miles. She is befriended by a kind stranger whom she cannot see, who aids her to travel to clearer skies. The stranger ends up being a six-foot-tall lizard. He reaches out for appreciation and she screams in horror and runs back into the fog.)

 

B. WILLIE WEASEL

(Willie the Weasel, who has a great hunger to eat chickens, is guided to new understanding by Harriet the Hen, who teaches him the joy of the “voyage to vegan.”)

 

C. JELLY BELLY

(A host of angry jellyfish take over the ocean blue, scaring all the fishes in the sea until Petey, the Puff Fish, finds out they’re not really mean–just have very bad gas. Tums for all the jelly-bellies, and the maritime is at peace.)

 

D. STAR WERES

(Abandoned characters from Star Wars are living on the street, homeless, plotting how they can use The Force to get some bread.)

 

E. JO-JO BLACK AND THE SEVEN MORPHS

(Queen Jo-Jo Black from the ghetto hooks up with seven members of a gang–the Morphs–who can shape-change to rap tunes. Together they work to bring “good to the hood.”)

 

 

 

G-Poppers … June 10th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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G-Pop wants his children to understand the true plight of the poor.

For you see, progressive liberals contend that poverty is caused by lack. They think the top 1 % hoard finance from the 99%. They also have a deep conviction that the funds should be distributed more evenly, and that in doing so, the problem would be solved.

On the other hand, conservative traditionalists coyly assert that those who live in destitution hold a major responsibility due to an infestation of laziness. They would say there are plenty of jobs, but those who live in the “ghetto” are not willing to do them.

So while these two camps hurl rocks at one another, those who are struggling continue to suffer without ever being consulted.

G-Pop has taken the time to talk to people who are in need. The response is pretty universal.

Poverty is about location.

Even though lack and laziness come to play as byproducts of the circumstances, poverty begins with proximity.

In America certain areas are targeted as insufficient, dangerous and destitute of hope, and then we take our brothers and sisters, place them in that atmosphere and insist they thrive.

Their communities don’t have fresh produce, reasonable grocery stores, health clubs, libraries or safe parks for play. Instead, they are dotted with convenience stores, dark alleys, poorly lit streets, loan sharks, pawn shops and prostitution.

The reason? Racism–and the fallacious notion that “birds of a feather flock together.”

Once we’re safe in suburbia, we just don’t give a damn about “the bad side of town.”

We could hire the young people from the poor sections to paint, clean up, construct and organize their communities for brighter possibilities. Then we would be offering jobs–and the money paid to these young folks would be recouped through less crime and rehabilitation.

Progressives are limited because they only recognize the lack.

Conservatives are weakened by their penchant to characterize citizens as lazy. When people lack, they do lose hope–which can make them lazy. This is true.

But it begins with the old axiom: the key to all real estate is location, location, location.

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity