Not Long Tales … August 20th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4142)

Underneath

Lance sat quietly staring at his hands.

They didn’t seem small—at least, he didn’t think so. But the bully who lived seven houses down on the right-hand side had made fun of them yesterday, in front of four or five guys, and worse, two girls.

It wasn’t easy being eleven years old, anyway you looked at it. But being ridiculed for your little hands in front of friends was more than humiliating. It was debilitating and left no recourse. After all, you couldn’t scream, “My hands are big!”

But Lance had anyway. And when he objected, everyone laughed at him. Because tears that were lurking in his eyes suddenly avalanched down his cheeks.

Lance hated summer vacation. As bad as school was—and it certainly had some really stinky things about it—at least your day was filled, and you didn’t have to try and figure out a reason for getting up in the first place.

It was especially difficult because Lance had a mother who insisted he “go out and play with the other kids.” She didn’t understand that he had just been targeted for having tiny paws.

Yes—he felt like a puppy being mocked by the big hound. He was afraid to leave his doorstep.

There was one friend who never deserted him—what you might call the saving face. His name was Jallus. Lance’s mother always referred to him as “the black boy” and Jallus’ mother called Lance “the white boy.” Sometimes the two buddies joked with each other, calling each other “black boy and white boy,” just to get the giggling going. Of course, it was ridiculous. Lance was the color of dirty sand and Jallus looked like chocolate milk diluted by water.

But the two boys needed each other, because the bully also told Jallus that his hands were puny. They found comfort in each other’s company.

But during this particular summer, Lance had discovered an escape. He hadn’t told anyone, not even his buddy, Jallus. In the back of the house, just underneath the steps, there was a piece of white lattice covering up the crawl space. There were a couple of screws missing from the top—just enough that Lance could pull it back, squeeze through and climb in beneath the house.

When he first discovered it, he was scared. His mind went crazy thinking about what might be in that crawl space, lurking to harm him. A rat, a snake—and most certainly, any variety of bugs made their homes in the sludge.

Yet it was so peaceful in there—especially on hot days, it was just a little cooler, and on rainy days it stayed dry, but gave Lance a front row seat on the beauty of the pelting rain. He adored the place.

He cleared it out a little bit. There was some trash—discarded bags of cement and rocks getting in the way of affording him total space. He sat in there for hours at a time thinking about life, small hands and his daddy. Lance had never actually met the fellow. He had departed before Lance had a full brain for knowing. His mother told him that his daddy probably loved him, but lived far, far away, in Mississippi. It made it nearly impossible to come and visit.

One day when he was snooping through his mother’s closet, he found a picture stuck in a box—a fellow sitting on a motorcycle, wearing a cowboy hat. He assumed it was his daddy. Sitting behind him on the bike was probably his mother, back when she was a girl.

Seeing that motorcycle reminded Lance of the time his mother said that his father had sent a birthday present of a bicycle. It came in a big, huge cardboard box, but it wasn’t put together. Mama had tried really hard to get all the bolts in the right places, but it was never right. So it just sat in the garage in a heap. Every once in a while, Lance would pull out a piece or two and play with the back wheel for a while. The bicycle was so much like the rest of his life—everything seemed to be there, but nothing came together.

But when Lance went underneath the house into his chamber of privacy, it was a whole different situation. He took a flashlight with him so he could keep an eye on the surroundings, in case he was invaded by one of nature’s uglies. He also found an old canteen in the garage, which he cleaned and filled with Kool-Aid, to sip on as time passed by. The Kool-Aid was so refreshing that the next time he brought a plastic bag of Gummi-bears. Goldfish crackers and M & M’s. It was so peaceful and satisfying.

Lance never thought he’d ever want peace. Being a boy, he was rather fond of chaos. But occasionally, he needed to feel like feeling was okay and nobody was staring, wondering what he was doing.

Sometimes he would lie on his back and listen to the floorboards creak—Mama preparing dinner in the kitchen. Sometimes she would sing. It made him feel so good when he heard her sing. Other times, she just talked to herself. He couldn’t hear what she said but could tell from the tone that it came from an unhappy place.

Summer persisted, as the summer sun often does.

Then one night, right before bedtime, sirens went off from the nearby town. Mama was frightened. She explained to Lance that the sirens meant there was a tornado coming. It didn’t take very long before great winds began to sweep by their house, rattling the windows and striking terror into their souls.

The two of them lived in a very simple house. There was no upstairs, no basement. Just the one floor—and Mama had no idea what to do. She was looking for a safe place for them to hide from the danger, but she couldn’t move. Her head turned, her eyes peering in all directions, as if waiting for someone to give her instructions.

All of a sudden, she prayed—no, nearly screeched, “Oh, Jesus! Help us!” Just about that time, a tree blew over in the front yard and landed on the top of the house, mashing in the roof.

Lance looked at his mother. He knew two things—she wasn’t going to move, and Jesus wasn’t going to stop the storm.

He took his Mama by the hand and started to walk toward the back door. She wouldn’t come. He pulled a little harder, but she resisted. Then, as if inspired by forces far beyond his understanding, Lance decided to run out the back door, figuring that Mama just might follow, terrified that Lance would be swallowed by the big twister.

As he ran toward the door and opened it, the screen flew back, broke off and landed on the ground. He hurried down the steps and when he reached the landing, he looked back. Sure enough, there was his mama, faithful lady that she was, chasing him.

He slid around the steps and over to the lattice, pulling back as hard as he could, to make room for him and also his mother to get in. He climbed into his precious space. She trailed, peeking inside. “What are you doing?” she asked.

Lance realized there was no time to explain, so he whispered. “Trust me, Mama. Trust me.”

She stared at him for a moment, trying to make out his image in the darkened space, and then wiggled forward as he grabbed her hands and pulled her down to sit next to him. As soon as she was seated, they heard a cracking—breaking glass and horrible thumps coming from all directions. They sat in the dark, holding each other and breathing heavily, hoping…hoping there would be a life left for them, since they would still be living.

Then, as quickly as it began, it was over. There was just the sound of rain splashing against the broken lattice. Mama shivered. Both of them were afraid to move.

Lance thought his mom would eventually release her grip, but she stayed where she was, squeezing him. He could hear her heart pounding. Finally, after a few moments, she relaxed. Her arms came free, and she wrapped them around her knees. She took four, maybe five, deep breaths.

He watched her. Either there was more light or his eyes had adjusted, because he could see her face clearly. She looked like a little girl. After all, that’s what bad storms do—they turn us all into children.

He leaned over and stroked her hair. “Mama,” he said, “what do you think about my place? I call it ‘Underneath.’”

Her eyes filled with tears as she looked around with her limited view and managed, “I like what you’ve done with it.”

She started to move, as if she was going to head out of the protection. Lance grabbed her arm. “Let’s not,” he said. “There’s no need for us to find out anything right now. You see, if we don’t know, then we don’t know.”

He offered her a drink from the canteen and some Gummi-bears. She accepted, putting a Gummi in her mouth and then taking a swig from the canteen. She emitted a tiny giggle.

Lance reached over and grabbed her hand. “Mama, this is where I come to get away from all my storms.”

Her face brightened, with a glint of understanding. She scooted across on her bottom, pulled him close to her and hugged like she had never hugged before.

The two just stayed there, hugging, crying and breathing in unison…

Underneath.

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Catchy (Sitting 9) A Given Inventory … August 6th, 2017

Jonathots Daily Blog

(3391)

It was good to have Jo-Jay along on the trip back to headquarters. She was energetic, funny and very generous. She wanted to buy Matthew a whole new wardrobe, but he settled for a black leather fedora, which made him look dangerous–in a goofy kind of way. Arriving in town, Jo-Jay took her leave so she could acquire lodging for what was more and more appearing to be a protracted stay.

When Matthew came into the office, he was greeted by Randall, Landy and a stranger. It was obvious that the stranger was a lawyer. (Matthew contended that barristers had a certain “sniff” about them.)

Randall and Landy asked Matthew to sit down, and then explained that they had no interest whatsoever in being a part of the project that Arthur Harts had proposed, to popularize Jesus. But they did want to sign an agreement that any money that came into the business or profits incurred would be equally shared among the partners.

“So let me get this straight,” said Matthew. “You don’t want to work on this promotion. But if the promotion does well, you want to be able to acquire your share of the profits. Is that about right?”

Comically, both of them turned to the attorney for approval before answering. He nodded his head, and they mimicked. Matthew laughed.

“Randall, Landy…” said Matthew. “It is a bit amazing to me that we have this great thing going together until we find out there may be some money. It’s like my old Grandpappy used to say. ‘Poverty has many friends because you have to huddle by the fire. But being wealthy allows you to purchase an island hut with central heat.'”

Randall and Landy stared at Matthew, bewildered.

I’ll tell you what,” said Matthew, picking up the document they had given him. “I’ll look this over.” He thumbed through it. “Fifty-seven pages long. And I’ll get back to you.”

“Don’t take too long,” said the attorney, minus expression but with a threatening air.

Matthew went into his office and pulled up his emails. There was an expected one from Paul Padwick, wishing him well but wanting no part of the endeavor. There was also a second contact from Michael Hintson, continuing to apologize for missing his airplane. Michael had only one question: was the Catholic Church backing the idea? Because he could certainly use the support from those in his district who favored a Pope.

Susanna–Soos–was thinking it over. Mary Rogers Kent (Mother) was now a Buddhist. Lydia Lars, otherwise known as Layla, said she would contact him the following week, after the woman who did her astrology chart weighed in on the possibility.

Matthew was suddenly overcome by an uncontrollable giggle.

He had been given an inventory. Now he had to decide what he could do with it.

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Dear Man/Dear Woman: A Noteworthy Conversation … October 15th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(3095)

Dear Man Dear Woman

Man: I’ve been really looking forward to talking to you about all this craziness in the political scene.

 

Woman: It’s really wacky, isn’t it?

 

Man: Yes, but I get tired of evaluating other people’s actions. The whole discussion got me thinking about my own conversations, interactions and dialogue with women. Am I saying the right things?

 

Woman: Do you think there are right things to say?

 

Man: Yes, I do. Matter of fact, I would like you to explain how some of the common phrases exchanged between men and women–well, how do they sound to you?

 

Woman: Well, I wouldn’t exactly know because we’re not in the moment.

 

Man: I get that. But can we try to discuss it?

 

Woman: Sure. Give me an example.

 

Man: Let’s say I just met you for the first time, and I walked up and said, “You’re so beautiful.” What would you think of that?

 

Woman: I think I would giggle inside. I wouldn’t be offended. But I also would know that you were coming from a school of thought which taught you that women need compliments in order to be opened up.

 

Man: You see–that’s great! Thank you. How about this? “I find you attractive.”

 

Woman: Actually, what you’re saying is that you see me as attractive, but you have no idea if my whole being is attractive to you or not.

 

Man: A third one. “Do you find me interesting?”

 

Woman: You’re asking me if you pass the “eyeball test.” In other words, is your face, body and physical being acceptable enough to catch my attention?

 

Man: How about, “Can I buy you a drink?”

 

Woman: Kind of weird.

 

Man: “Are you alone?”

 

Woman: Kind of stalker-creepy.

 

Man: “Do you think we could get together?”

 

Woman: Sounds like you suffer from over-confidence and have spent too much time speed-dating.

 

Man: I’ve heard that women like a more direct approach. Like this; “I think we should have an affair.”

 

Woman: Maybe when women are sitting around a table having consumed some alcohol, they pretend to be brave enough to field such an inquiry, but if a guy actually did that, we probably would desperately need to laugh out loud.

 

Man: And I would assume that laughing at a man is not a good sign, right?

 

Woman: Not unless he’s telling a joke.

 

Man: So what if it was a thoughtful question, like, “Are you experienced?”

 

Woman: Are you trying to hire a plumber, or a prostitute?

 

Man: You see, this is a great discussion. And maybe you don’t have the answer to this, but what do you think would be good, as a way to opening the door of possibility to another person?

 

Woman: Forgive me, but I think corny works. And by corny, I mean just awkward enough to know that the line hasn’t been rehearsed a thousand times in the mirror. I would be interested in any person–male or female–who would simply ask me, “Would you like to talk?”

 

Man: I like that. Will women respond well to that?

 

Woman: Probably not. Because we females have become so jaded by the Neanderthal approach toward sexuality. I think it would be nice if a man would just say, “I’ve been observing your interactions with people of all ages and I find your approach interesting.”

 

Man: Doesn’t that sound a little bit like a stalker, too?

 

Woman: Maybe, but not stalking to kill. Just watching to learn.

 

Man: So as a woman, what do you want to receive in the initial encounter?

 

Woman: Equity. Equal footing. The realization that I have a life that is real and functioning, and that I’m not waiting for a man to come along and complete me. So I’ll tell you a great question. I would be really impressed if a man would ask me, “What is your calling?”

 

Man: That sounds too old-fashioned.

 

Woman: Good. Old-fashioned isn’t bad just because it comes from a different era. Old-fashioned is still around because it’s worked.

 

Man: What I got out of our conversation is that any inclination toward physicality, sex, romance or even hooking up needs to be removed from the tone of the words, or it’s too shallow to wade into.

 

Woman: Very good. And keep in mind, romance is the by-product of a mutual understanding.

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Jonathan’s Latest Book Release!

PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant

Click here to get your copy now!

PoHymn cover jon

 

PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant … May 18th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(2938)

PoHymn Wee Bit

Wee Bit More

Sometimes the journey takes a wiggle

Which gives our child a chance to giggle

For serious we are, to a fault

Vacant of laughter, much too adult

So the Great Comic who created us all

Allows us to smile when a prat takes a fall

It lightens the load of a troubled mind

Making it easier to seek and to find

Colors displayed in a splash of rain

Joyfully provided by the sun on the lane

Reminds us life moves too fast

Stalling the race can make it last

By peering at a leaping frog

And chortling over a snorting hog

We gain the mercy to truly contend

No longer a foe, but mankind’s friend

To keep the joy of being alive

Learning to rejoice instead of strive

So when the night finally closes our day

With a chuckling spirit, we can truly say

I was honest a wee bit more than lied

And laughed out loud more than I cried.

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PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant … June 10th, 2015

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(2608)

PoHymn June 10th

If Not, Then

If you can’t think, then feel

If you don’t walk, then bless

If you are confused, stop teaching

If you are amused, share the giggle

If you believe, provide some proof

If you are loved, shout from the roof

If you are angry, spit it out

If you are lonely, stroll about

If you know a secret, whisper its worth

If you have changed, announce the birth

If sadness visits, travel on

If regret nags, will it be gone

If happiness wishes, grant permission

If failure lingers, catch a vision

If time is short, slow things down

If somber threatens, become a clown

The power is yours

And even mine

To choose a path

And embrace the Divine.

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***************************

NEW BOOK RELEASE BY JONATHAN RICHARD CRING

WITHIN

A meeting place for folks who know they’re human

 $3.99 plus $2.00 S&H

 

$3.99 plus $2.00 S & H

$3.99 plus $2.00 S & H

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G-Poppers… January 30, 2015

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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G-Popper

G-Pop remembered when his youngest son asked him, at a very early age, “Pops, what do you think I should be when I grow up?”

G-Pop smiled and said, “The 3-H.”

The little fella frowned.

G-Pop continued. “You know. Like 4-H, but you get an H outta there.” (G-Pop laughed–alone. He had definitely overshot his tiny audience with a fizzled rocket of cleverness.)

He cleared his throat and inserted, “Three H’s. First, happy. Find out what makes you happy when you do it, and also glad to come back to it later on. How about Number Two? Helpful. Try to find something to make ‘bucks’ that people can hold ‘deer.'”

G-Pop paused for a moment to allow for a giggle. There was none. (Obviously still shooting overhead.)

He plunged forward. “Be a blessing and you will never lack friends. And Number Three–humble. Make sure you are so happy and helpful that you don’t require tons of praise to lift your soul. Keep it simple.”

G-Pop finished his word, patted his son on the head and looked into the little boy’s eyes, which by this time, had totally glazed over.

He gave him permission to leave, hoping that the lad’s internal tape recorder was on for future play-back.

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click above for information on 567!

click above for information on 567!

 

Quatrain of Comedy … July 29, 2014

 Jonathots Daily Blog

(2306)

Jan laughing

Make me laugh

Make me giggle

Make me smile

Make me feel

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Arizona morning

Click here to get info on the “Gospel According to Common Sense” Tour

Please contact Jonathan’s agent, Jackie Barnett, at (615) 481-1474, for information about scheduling SpiriTed in 2014.

Click here to listen to Spirited music

Click here to listen to Spirited music

 

 

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