Cracked 5 … May 2nd, 2017

 Jonathots Daily Blog


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The Real Reasons That President Donald Trump Did Not Attend the White House Correspondents Dinner


A. The cooks were from Mexico and the food tasters were Muslim.


B. Heard they were serving humble pie.


C. Correspondents?? No one corresponded with him!


D. Lost his invitation–kept it in the same box with t-shirt reading, “I support the media”


E. The duck is always better than the goose


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Cracked 5 … December 6th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog


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Favorite Sayings of Tiny Tim Other Than “And May God Bless Us Everyone”


A.  Damn, my legs hurt!


B.  May God dress us everyone. We need new clothes!


C.  What the hell–goose again??


D.  Has anyone noticed I need a bigger crutch?


E.  I want to live with Scrooge.


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Four Mothers… May 12, 2013


four mothersI am convinced that being a mother is a good thing, even though I would have to insist that being referred to as “Mom” is preferable–because if your children call you “Mother” it’s usually because they‘re angry or overly mature.

Of course what you want to avoid is mothering. How could adding “i-n-g” to such a wonderful word turn it into such a picky piece of prissiness? After all, NO one is going to endure mothering.

But I have come to the conclusion that there are FOUR mothers, and each one plays an essential part in achieving the ideal status of Mom.

First, there is Mother Earth. That is part of the process, you know–teaching your children to understand the world around them, respect others and stop complaining about their lot, but instead, find ways to improve things. This is certainly in the job description of being a good Mom.

How about Mother Goose? While we’re teaching all those lessons about earth, it’s nice to allow our children a dream–which if they work real hard, can be confirmed by fairy tales coming true.

I think mingled into the process of being that female parent to your child is Mother Mary. Can you birth your own child of promise, let him or her grow up, teach them the best you can–but in the long run, leave it to them to change their own water to wine? Even if it takes them far from your home? That’s what Mary had to do with Jesus and I guess that’s what every Mom has to do with her child.

And finally, the fourth part of being a mother is being a Mother Ship. Once you’ve launched your little capsule of wonder into the world, it’s nice to offer them a place to come back to from time to time, where they can get energy, rejuvenate and discover the wonders of “home” before going into outer space.

So I guess that’s what it means to be a Mom–to be Mother Earth, Mother Goose, Mother Mary and a Mother Ship.

So on this day I celebrate. And on this day I salute all of those who have taken on the amazing task of birthing something you know you will have to let go, realizing that in doing so, you believe you’ve made the world a little bit better place.

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity


Please contact Jonathan’s agent, Jackie Barnett, at (615) 481-1474, for information about personal appearances or scheduling an event

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