Cracked 5 … January 12th, 2019


Jonathots Daily Blog


Cracked 5

Things We Should Build After the Border Wall

 A.  Grand Canyon 2—complete with bungee jumping


B.  Hamless ham sandwich with fake mustard and pickleless pickle


C.  A bridge between men and women (the penis doesn’t count)


D.  An official Highway to Hell


E.  The Berlin Wall—except prettier

Baby Trump

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Populie: It Doesn’t Matter What You Believe… August 13, 2014


  Jonathots Daily Blog


Canyon edge

“It doesn’t matter what you believe, just as long as you believe.”

I grew up with that statement. What I mean is, that sentiment was the poster child for tolerance. Of course, the idea has become less popular as unbelief has taken its position of power in the great struggle of human philosophy.

Religion, politics and entertainment thrive in this environment of “give that takes” and “taking that rarely gives” because it offers conflict which gets people to the voting booth, plot lines which are often dreary and glum and religious conflicts which make both warring parties puff up with their own supremacy.

The trouble with the whole concept of toleration is that it means to tolerate–and candidly, my dear friends, there are some things that cannot be tolerated. Sooner or later, we have to conclude that you are entitled to believe what you want only as long as it does not hurt other people or as long as it’s sensitive to the principles which cause Planet Earth to prosper.

  • For instance, I do not know why we continue to tolerate anyone who contends that “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” is a viable precept.
  • I do not know why we insist on promoting the idea of culture, which is often just a disguise for prejudice.
  • I am baffled why we allow political candidates to plunder the character of their opponent all within the framework of “good politics.”

It does matter what we believe. It is life and death.

It determines whether we have ruling classes and serfs, rejected races and preferential ones and bigotry based upon race, color, creed or sex.

I will tell you bluntly, what you believe must:

1. Bolster your creativity.

Any philosophy, idea, religion or government that stifles the human ability to use their gifts freely has to be identified for its short-sighted, insane propagation of stupidity.

2. Help you avoid cynicism.

If what you believe causes you to become more cynical about human beings, life on earth, science, nature or God, then it is a road block to progress.

3. Endure to the end.

I, for one, am tired of belief systems that vaporize whenever difficulty comes on the scene, escaping to the corners of the room like cockroaches to avoid the truth of the moment.

Without a sense of endurance, we are at the mercy of circumstance, which is meant to change based upon our ongoing input.

4. Create a judgment-free zone.

If your belief makes you so proud of your own personal excellence that you begin to look down on fellow travelers with a nagging spirit of disapproval, then quite candidly, your belief has lost its privilege.

And finally, what you believe must:

5. Be of good cheer.

Good cheer is not always being happy, but it is the acknowledgment that happiness is still the goal, even though we may have hit a rough patch.

When we become agnostic to the idea of finding peace of mind and joy in our lives, we also become belligerent to those around us who are content.

I will say it boldly: I am not tolerant of any belief system that does not foster these five holy principles. And what makes them holy is that they make whole people, who continue to pursue promise instead of spitting on the grave of faith to express their intellectual superiority.

It does matter.

And until we have enough spunk to realize that tolerating intolerable ideas is the certain way to destroy our planet, we will be walking on the edge of the Grand Canyon thinking we’re safe … because no breeze will ever blow.

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The Sermon on the Mount in music and story. Click the mountain!

The Sermon on the Mount in music and story. Click the mountain!


Click here to get info on the "Gospel According to Common Sense" Tour

Click here to get info on the “Gospel According to Common Sense” Tour

Please contact Jonathan’s agent, Jackie Barnett, at (615) 481-1474, for information about scheduling SpiriTed in 2014.

Click here to listen to Spirited music

Click here to listen to Spirited music

If God Were… August 16, 2013

Jonathots Daily Blog


corvetteIf God were a car, I think He would be a Corvette Stingray with kid seats in the back and an extra-large trunk.

How about if God were a pizza? He would order the Garden of Eden “special”–many vegetables, extra cheesy, with unleavened crust.

A movie? Forrest Gump meets Edward Scissor Hands, The Empire Strikes Back and Meet John Doe.Edward

If God were a city, He would be the blend of San Diego, Toronto, Chicago, New York City, and Zürich. Perhaps Butte, Montana.

If God were a song He would choose a tongue-in-cheek America Bless God sung by Weird Al Yankovic.

If God were sex, He would be in favor of all of it. (Keep in mind, He came up with the idea.)grand canyon

A church? The Grand Canyon.

Book? I think The Little Engine that Could.

Music? Simple-dimple without a pimple. It would be joyful and noisy.

And finally, if God were a quote, I think He would reach into the works of Will Rogers: “I never met a man I didn’t like.”

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

Please contact Jonathan’s agent, Jackie Barnett, at (615) 481-1474, for information about personal appearances or scheduling an event

Well, Since I’m Here … March 19, 2012


A dip in the pool–an accurate description of me, taking my afternoon swim.

 I have an exercise regimen I attempt to perform in that water in a quest to convince myself that I am actually improving my health situation. So it is partially fun but contains a portion of determined mission. Last Wednesday, my vigil was interrupted by a twelve-year-old boy who decided to be talkative and picked me as his audience. Maybe it was because I smiled at him. Maybe it was because I was the closest adult who possessed two ears, one on either side of a presumed brain.  He told me he had recently won two medals at the Special Olympics. I listened patiently as verbal paragraph after verbal paragraph flowed from his lips, many of them lacking connecting tissue. My day was changed. I would have to squeeze my little exercise plan around the expressions of a young boy who wanted to be appreciated.

There are only two things to do at this point: try to continue your normal procedure, and in the process display exasperation, or give in to the present “here” that puts you in the “now.” So I pumped my legs and moved my arms around as I listened to the young man extol his many virtues and discuss his ability to hold his breath underwater. After while, my cantankerous soul relaxed and I actually enjoyed myself.

Likewise, about ten years ago, I discovered I had an infection in two of the toes on my left foot. I was unimpressed. I felt that I would heal, as I had so many times before, without the intervention of doctors or magical chemicals. I didn’t. I ended up in the hospital with gangrene and the eventual amputation of those two little piggies. It was not where I wanted to be, but it was my present location. It was my “here” that I needed to receive as my “now.” So since I was given a bed as my workbench, I decided to take interest in the nurses and their problems, and to try to turn several belligerent doctors from frogs into princes without having to kiss them. It didn’t take much work on my part–I just had to stop fighting the fact that my circumstances had changed, and while I was healing in my body, try to create some healing around me in the souls. You know.  “Since I’m here…”

And the same thing happened yesterday. I discovered that I was scheduled into a church that only had eighty-five people attending on Sunday mornings. It’s not that I feel that I’m too good to share in a small congregation; it’s just that I want to redeem the time I have left, to touch as many lives as I can. (Or at least I hope my motivations are somewhere near that level of purity.) On top of having to drive two hours to get to this engagement, the state of Arizona decided to have its first rainstorm in the last three months. People in the Grand Canyon State both fear and worship rain. So upon arriving at the church, the folks who were scheduled to help us carry in our equipment–to keep our old bones from crumbling–were not there. As the day continued, the number of warm bodies arriving, braving the “vicious weather”–was limited to twenty-five.

As in the case of my Special Olympian and my sickly toes, I had a choice–to either focus on the circumstance or to accept my “here” as my “now.” Because after all, twenty-five people are twenty-five people, and therefore twenty-five opportunities to enrich the heart, touch the soul, enlighten the mind and invigorate the body. You know what happened? I ended up enjoying myself. And even though I was tired at the end of the whole excursion, and lost money on my trip, I gained a sense of what is truly important, which is, “Well, since I’m here…”

Here are three ways to successfully complete that phrase:

1. “Well, since I’m here, I should probably go ahead and give my best.”

2. “Well, since I’m here, I should probably go ahead and find a way to enjoy myself–or what’s the point in doing it?”

3. “Well, since I’m here, I should be grateful that there is a ‘here and now,’ because some day I will be completely absent of ANY opportunity.”

Yes, opportunity. My friends, you do know that she really doesn’t knock. Actually, she slinks through town quietly in the middle of the night on gossamer wings while we slumber and rest from our chores, oblivious to her presence. What awaits us in the morning is not the benefit of opportunity, but instead, the reality of our “here,” which if we are intelligent, we will turn into our “now.” For sometimes, intelligence is not sitting around waiting for the next bus, but beginning to walk towards your destination, willing to hop on the bus if it comes along.

Well, since I’m here, I will conclude this essay …  and begin my day.


Below is the first chapter of Jonathan Richard Cring’s stunning novel entitled Preparing a Place for Myself—the story of a journey after death. It is a delicious blend of theology and science fiction that will inspire and entertain. I thought you might enjoy reading it. After you do, if you would like to read the book in its entirety, please click on the link below and go to our tour store. The book is being offered at the special price of $4.99 plus $3.99 shipping–a total of $8.98. Enjoy.

Sitting One

 I died today. 

I didn’t expect it to happen.  Then again, I did—well, not really.

No, I certainly didn’t expect it.

I’ve had moments of clarity in my life.  Amazingly enough, many of them were in the midst of a dream. For a brief second I would know the meaning of life or the missing treatment to cure cancer.  And then as quickly as it popped into my mind it was gone. I really don’t recollect dying.  Just this unbelievable sense of clear headedness—like walking into a room newly painted and knowing by the odor and brightness that the color on the wall is so splattering new that you should be careful not to touch it for fear of smearing the design. The greatest revelation of all? 

Twenty-five miles in the sky time ceases to exist.

The planet Pluto takes two hundred and forty-eight years to circle the sun. It doesn’t give a damn. 

The day of my death was the day I became free of the only burden I really ever had.  TIME.


Time is fussy.  Time is worry. 

Time is fear.  Time is the culprit causing human-types to recoil from pending generosity. 

There just was never enough time. 

Time would not allow it.  Remember—“if time permits …”

Why if time permits?  Why not if I permit?  Why not if I dream?  Why not if I want?  Why does time get to dictate to me my passage? 

It was time that robbed me of my soulful nature.    It was time that convinced me that my selfishness was needed. 

I didn’t die. The clock in me died, leaving spirit to tick on.  

So why don’t we see the farce of time?  Why do we allow ourselves to fall under the power of the cruel despot?  Yes, time is a relentless master—very little wage for much demand.

I died today. 

Actually … a piece of time named after me was cast away.

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