Sit Down Comedy … May 3rd, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

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If I were to act like a congressman or senator from Washington, D.C. in my daily affairs, in no time at all I would lose all credibility with my friends and neighbors, and not have the authority to take out a car loan.

If, by some strange occurrence, I started tweeting my passing thoughts and fancies to my acquaintances in the middle of the night, I do believe that out of great love and concern, one of them would step in and make sure I was still mentally stable.

If I were in charge of an organization that had thousands of complaints about my employees molesting small children, and my response to that quandary was to move these employees to other locations and quietly pay off the offended—well, in no time at all I’d be run out of my town on a rail.

As a child I was taught that the greater the responsibility, the greater the expectation.

There isn’t a person on welfare in America who isn’t forced to be more accountable than our leaders.

I know some of my friends, and even my loved ones, are tempted to imitate the madness. Matter of fact, you can focus on a moment of history when King George III was ruling in England and seemed to have lost his reasoning, and realize that because no one could do anything with him, there was an American Revolution, which stirred a French Revolution complete with guillotines, which culminated with the tyranny of Napoleon.

ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES

For some reason we portray that we’re on a party boat in the middle of the lake with an endless supply of beer and pretzels, with no intention of ever coming to the shoreline again to sober up.

• I cannot join because I’m a grown-up.
• I will not join because it looks boring and stupid.
• And I will choose another path because I would like to be happy and keep on being successful.

If you understand what I’m talking about, you might want to consider these three things:

1. You’re going to need to do what you say, so don’t say so damn much.
2. You can’t judge people, so don’t watch so much.
3. And it will be necessary to change with the spirit of the times, so for God’s sake, don’t settle for so little.

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Ask Jonathots … April 28th, 2016

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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I am a “young married,” age 25 and my husband is 26. We both work, have student loans and other debt we’re trying to pay off. We’re working really hard to become financially solvent. It seems like all my friends are in this same boat. So I found myself wondering–what is the connection between money and happiness?

Let me start off by saying that money is a commodity and happiness is a state of contentment.

So it is difficult for me to answer this question unless I know how the commodity of money affects your state of contentment.

For some people it does and for others it does not. So I will answer briefly for both arenas.

{By the way, there are many people who counsel on financial matters and do it much better than I can. Just punch up on the Internet “Balancing Budgets” or “Creating a Family Budget” and you’ll be inundated.}

My answer will be more general: how much is money involved in your state of contentment?

Give yourself a quick test. Two questions:

1. When I have enough money for my needs, do I feel more grown-up and delighted?

2. Do I have an occasion when I haven’t had money and still felt delighted?

And I should probably add a third question:

3. What do I find that delights me most of the time?

If money gives you an aura of well-being, you shouldn’t be ashamed of it, but you must create a budget that is always achievable, because this will determine your peace of mind.

If money is something you can handle in small or large quantities, with equal affect on your psyche, then you can vary your budget, allowing yourself a week to splurge and a week to go without.

Feeling dependent on money is not a bad thing. After all, it is the love of money that is the root of all evil. Money itself is not only essential, but is quite pleasurable.

Now, keep in mind, though–you have a second person involved. Your husband. His sensations may be completely different.

So the first thing is for both of you to sit down and discuss what money means to you, what you feel about the pressure of bills, and whether you are more comfortable earning more money or trimming your budget.

These will be the two choices.

For magical checks don’t come in the mail, banking institutions don’t suddenly become generous and give you lower rates of interest and no pot of gold has ever been found at the end of the rainbow.

“Will we be more content earning additional money to satisfy our desires, or will we be equally happy with less money, trimming our budget and buying Brand X popcorn instead of Orville Redenbacher?”

There is only one thing to remember in life: if you try to live off somebody else’s experience, you will end up devastated.

• What does money mean to you?
• What do you really require to feel content?
• And are there ways to achieve that magical amount of money by either working harder or cutting the budget?

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G-Poppers… April 17, 2015

 

 Jonathots Daily Blog

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G-Pop settled into a comfortable chair, grabbed the remote and readied himself to watch a movie that had been recommended to him by his son.

Granddaughter came in and struck up a conversation.

Granddaughter: What’cha watching?

G-Pop: It’s a movie your dad said was really good.

Granddaughter: Cool. Can I watch it with you?

G-Pop: Uh…no, I don’t think so. It’s a grown-up thing.

Granddaughter: Why do people always say that? What do they mean by “a grown-up thing?”

G-Pop: Well, it means that there are parts in the movie that are very grown-up and should only be seen by adults.

Granddaughter: Why is that? What would those be?

G-Pop: Just things that you don’t need to see right now because you’re not ready for them, and adults might find interesting or entertaining.

Granddaughter: Like what?

G-Pop: Well, like a murder mystery where they show you the murder and it can be pretty violent.

Granddaughter: Yeah, I get that, but is it interesting or entertaining to you–to see somebody murdered?

G-Pop: It’s not that the murder is entertaining. But the story that goes along with it can sometimes be intriguing…

Granddaughter: What does intriguing mean?

G-Pop: Well, it’s another word for interesting.

Granddaughter: So what else? Because I’ve seen people killed in movies.

G-Pop: I understand that. But sometimes the way they’re killed is pretty, well.. you know. Bloody.

Granddaughter: So do you like blood?

G-Pop: Once again, it’s not that I like the blood. But sometimes that scene, being really strong, makes the story more interesting.

Granddaughter: I don’t understand.

G-Pop: Exactly. That’s why you shouldn’t be watching it. Because you don’t understand.

Granddaughter: So you watch it because it’s interesting, and even though you don’t like the bloody scenes, you watch them anyway because you want to follow the story. Is that right?

G-Pop: Kind of. But it also has other grown-up things in it.

Granddaughter: Like what?

G-Pop: Somehow I knew you were gonna ask that. Well, bluntly, like romance.

Granddaughter: You mean kissing and stuff?

G-Pop: And lots of stuff. Stuff you don’t need to see right now because you need to be living the life of a girl instead of a woman.

Granddaughter: Do you like the kissing and stuff?

G-Pop: I suppose so. But it is grown-up kissing and stuff. It’s not the kind of kissing you have in your Disney movies. And before you ask, I would not know how to explain to you what grown-up kissing and stuff is. You have to talk to your mom and dad about that.

Granddaughter: I’m not trying to interrupt you, G-Pop, but are you saying that you watch the movies with the violence and the kissing and stuff and you kind of don’t look at that stuff very much and only put up with it so you can get the story. Is that right?

G-Pop: Sorta.

Granddaughter: So do you like some of the violence and the kissing and stuff?

G-Pop: Well, I filter some of the stuff out and I take some of the stuff in.

Granddaughter: How do you do that? Doesn’t it all get in your brain?

G-Pop: I suppose it does, but then I kind of push the stuff out that I don’t want and let the other stuff stay.

Granddaughter: You can really do that? I can’t. If I see something bad it sticks in my mind. It must be part of getting to be a grown-up–figuring out how to chase bad stuff out of your head.

G-Pop: I suppose.

Granddaughter: Well, thanks for talking to me. I won’t bother you any longer. Enjoy your movie.

Granddaughter left the room.

G-Pop sat for a long time. He thought about his movie. Then he began to wonder if he really needed it. He was watching it to kind of prove to his son that he was still cool.

So did he want to see it?

Did he want more violence in his life?

Did he want additional images that he had to kick out, that tried to hang onto his memory?

He couldn’t decide. But time had passed and other things needed to be done.

G-Pop left the room.

 

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Untotaled: Stepping 10–December 31st, 1965 (The Watch Night) … April 19, 2014

Jonathots Daily Blog

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(Transcript)

There is certainly not much to do on New Year’s Eve in a little village of fifteen hundred people.

Some of the folks of our town would actually make the trip down to Columbus to take in a show and imbibe some alcohol, feeling as if they had flown to the moon and could disguise their drunken condition without fear of community scrutiny.

But most of the citizens of our little burg were devoid of entertainment or ideas for ringing in the New Year.

So our local church planned a Watch Night service, so as to prohibit–or at least impair–the possibility of the young kids falling victim to the beckonings of “demon rum.”

Watch Night services were a tradition of Dixie which had been transplanted to the Buckeye State via those who floated north. It was in four parts:

• First there was eating–the best potluck of the year. Everyone tried to outdo one another both in culinary skills and appetites.
• Then there were a couple of hours of gospel singing, featuring local talent (or at least local persons).
• This trailed off into some preaching, warning all present of the dangers of increasing sin in our nation and the hopes that revival would break out in the coming 365 days provided..
• And finally, the twelve o’clock hour offered the opportunity for hugs and handshakes.

This year I was thrilled. My group, The Gospels, a quartet of young teens, was going to participate in the singing portion of the evening. We had lobbied the previous year, and even auditioned for the church elders, were weighed in the balances and found wanting. This year, apparently we were in tune.

The ironic part of being welcomed into the songfest was that our group was about to break up. Actually I was breaking it up by kicking the Connelly brothers out of our team and replacing them with two of my friends who I liked better. This caused quite a stir in the church. Matter of fact, I was called in for a conference with the pastor’s wife, as she tried to explain that human beings had feelings and the Connelly brothers deserved better treatment.

I listened politely and then did what I always did. Ignored her. You see, the Connelly brothers didn’t mind. They sang their hearts out that night.

I don’t know if we sounded good or not, but we sure had fun. It was one of those times when I felt really grown-up, in charge and important. That’s hard to come by in a tiny town.

I thought a lot about what the pastor’s wife said on how to treat people and how to conduct your affairs in a way that would not upset anyone else. I came to the conclusion that this was going to be difficult.

I think many people thought I was a real dick when I was a teenager. But without being a little bit of a dick as a teenager, you can grow up to be a dickless adult.

So I decided to try to continually improve what I do and what I work with without upsetting people too much.

Yes, that should keep me really busy.

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G-5: Night or Light… January 3, 2014

Jonathots Daily Blog

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In the Good Book, it states, “Work while it’s day, for the night comes when no man works.”

One might have a tendency to become cynical since that statement was written in a time where the world ran on “candle power.” Since then, we’ve become more advanced in the ability to light up the night incandescent. But the idea is not solely based on whether the night hours can be illuminated by bulbs. There is a night that has nothing to do with a light show.

I once told my children that nothing good happens after 10:00 P.M. They gave me the obligatory stare of disapproval, since all of them deeply enjoyed staying up late, attempting to be grown-up and independent.

There is a power to light.

There is an energy infused into our beings when the daily sunshine offers encouragement for the possibility of our scheme.

The absence of that particular brightness robs us of the chemicals to our brain which induce true creativity and welcome transparency.

I believe that.

During a very brief stint, I ran sound at a Blues Bar. Everything was dark–only partially revealed through colored lights, smoke hanging in the room. Eight o’clock at night at the Blues Bar was festive, exciting and filled with celebration. By ten o’clock, a new element was in the room, which brought less jubilation and more confrontation. By the time the bar closed, a darkness, misery and dismal cloud hung over the room, festering the occupants and making people irritable and fussy.

We need light.

We have convinced ourselves that the study of darkness is the evidence of our maturity and the scope of our receptivity. Hogwash.

Dark is dark and light is light, and when all is said and done, you will be remembered by how much light you brought into the world and how much darkness you dispelled.

Here are three things I know–a trio of ideas that I incorporate into my daily life and message which comfort me in knowing that I am becoming “the light of the world” instead of encouraging bleakness. I tell people:

1. We can be honest. Yes, darkness requires deceit in order to function.
2. We can do better. When we begin to accept the mediocre, what we actually achieve is destitution.
3. We are not alone. To preach the absence of God, love or even a cosmic karma which returns our actions back to us is to turn the light off in the human soul, making us all blind.

There is a night that falls on our society, and it’s best to be tucked away in your home, safe and sound.

For truly, any New Yorker will tell you that Central Park is a beautiful place … until the sun goes down. 

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For Bidding… October 7, 2013

Jonathots Daily Blog

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The Good Book tain’t good unless it makes good things happen when people are thrown together.

A few days ago, after one of my shows, I was getting ready to pack up my books when a teenage boy inched his way to my side. Apparently he had stood around for a good half-hour while people talked to me, looking for a chance to have a private moment.

He wasted no time.

“There’s a girl I like. How can I ask her out on a date?”

I paused for a moment, trying to make sure I didn’t come across surprised, alarmed OR amused. I guess he chose to ask me the question because he knew I wouldn’t be around tomorrow to tease him about it. Or he thought I might be one of those “cool adults” who would give him a real answer instead of one that’s canned, sealed and labeled “for grown-up consumption.”

My answer was simple. I told the young man to figure out what he liked,  take the things that came to his mind and start doing them for the girl he was interested in.

He thought that was really nifty. (Forgive me. I guess “nifty” is no longer used. Let us just say he was impressed.)

His last words were: “I can do that. Because it’s about me.”

As he raced away, I had to chuckle. You see, all I had given him in the way of advice was a remake on the Golden Rule—“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

But you see, it worked, was valuable and was understandable to him because it’s true.

We spend entirely too much time talking about the Good Book as if it’s suspended in mid-air, on gossamer wings, with the supernatural breath of the divine Creator.

Shoot. If it doesn’t work on earth, it sucks.

You see, it’s easy to go from something that is “for bidding” to something that can become “forbidding.”

The gospel that was put together as a means of inviting all of humanity to discover its better side and therefore generate salvation in our souls can just as easily be turned into a message of hatred, prejudice, incrimination and selfishness.

So let me give you a clue:

• I don’t recommend agnosticism. It turns you into a jaded grouch, critical of human life while devoid of any eternal possibility.
• I don’t recommend religion. It keeps you panting for heaven while simultaneously missing buckets of opportunity on earth.

Here’s what I’ve discovered: if you find something that works in everyday life, it won’t take you too long to discover that this same idea is in the Good Book.

Don’t try to go to the Good Book to explain everything you see in life. Get rid of your fear of living and in so doing, discover the three or four things that universally work. Then go read your Good Book and be delighted when you find out that God thought it up millions of years ago.

No wonder that book itself tells us that everything written within its pages can be boiled down to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

It is “for bidding” others, welcoming them to your life, removing the anger of “forbidding” personal contact.

And when all the chickens come to roost, you find out, like this young man will certainly discover, that the Golden Rule even works with dating.

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New Year’s Restorations … January 1, 2013

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Unless you become like little children, you will find it difficult to discover God.

I’ve heard that before. It sounds like one of those old adages. Do I believe it? Absolutely not. I want to be considered a “grown-up.” I want maturity brought up in any description of my character.

But I do have to stop on this New Year’s Day and ask myself what good things maturity has given me. The dearth of positive answers causes me to return to that notion of becoming like a little child.

Maybe the whole key to the passage of human life is to take the first twenty years and learn how everything works, the next twenty years to figure out what you can do to make a living and prosper within that system and all the rest of your life to go back to living like a little child–with your profits. What a great idea.

So how do I do that?

I decided to deal with the top six things that haunt us with this specter of “adultism.” Whenever these subjects are brought up, we clear our throats, deepen our voices and begin with some sort of preliminary speech about “such things are not easy to discuss…”

The six subjects are:  God, violence, sex, work, money and politics. Not in any particular order.

I realized last night that I’ve been force-fed old thinking on each one of these issues. Some of the thoughts are just “safe.” Some of the ideas have been tried, tested and have failed but are still kept around because…I don’t know. Maybe we already bought the promotional material for them. But even though I have no intention of making resolutions, I do plan to spend the next 365-day jaunt attempting to make restorations.  Yes–to restore a child-like vision on each of these six “monsters under my bed” without becoming childish.

Would you mind coming along for six days? I will handle each one of them, offering my limited insight and humble opinion. Because if there is any truth to the statement that we need to “become as little children to find God,” most of us are certainly driving off in the wrong direction. So let me pick for tomorrow.

Let me see …what is my new child-like approach to violence?

Of course, the supreme example of this is Jesus, who was given a cross–and since he was, then he turned it into salvation.

Layovers–you can either take the time to look at your watch … or use the time to watch and look.

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