The A Word … February 5th, 2019

THE

WORD


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My assumption is that it began with “the f word.”

Feeling that we were very proper, members of our society began refusing to even say the word f-u-c-k, but instead referred to it as “that f word.” The immediate foolishness of this approach is that every time you say “the f word,” everyone listening sounds out the word “fuck” in their minds.

When we added “the n word” to it, thinking we were sparing an entire race of people anger and humiliation, we just gave bigots a way to promote the word.

Likewise with “the c word.”

So I am doing a series on every letter of the alphabet—how each one has a naughty word that most people think should not be spoken aloud, due to its severity or profanity.

Using my recollection of the alphabet from my kindergarten class, I think that takes us to the letter A.

THE A WORD IS ASSHOLE

The “a word” falling into this category is asshole.

The word is a game changer.

For instance, you can say to someone, “I am disgusted with you.” They may be slightly offended by your observation but not devastated.

You could even say, “I can’t stand your attitude.” It’s stinging, but not a mortal wound.

But when you add onto those thoughts a closing remark of, “you are an asshole,” the whole temperature and intensity of the event changes. The reason for your original objection gets buried under an avalanche of offense. Why?

You will discover over these twenty-six weeks, as we investigate each of these words, that they convey a hidden meaning.

Calling someone an asshole says that you believe their actions, lifestyle and motivations are located at the place in the ass where shit comes out.

Therefore, you’re saying the following three things:

  1. “You are less than me.” (That in itself could be fighting words)
  2. “You don’t have rights.” (Now the person you offended is ready for a fight)
  3. “You are worthless.” (Let the punching begin.)

Words that have proven themselves to be so poisonous that they have to be referred to by a single letter always find their birthing in human bigotry. Over the years, they have been portrayed comically and even presented off-handedly. But at their root is the notion of superiority.

This is how Hitler was able to convince the German people that the Jews were rats. In other words, “they are less than us, they don’t have rights and therefore, they’re worthless.”

So rather than presenting this word as immoral, or a term that “good people just don’t use,” we need to realize that “asshole” is still being used—because bigotry has not been adequately exposed.


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Cracked 5 … August 14th, 2018


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Since the mustache continues to persist (like the flu) here are some types to be looking out for:


The Bushy Broom

(Sweepin’ those gals off their feet)


The Magic Marker

(Probably put on with a magic marker)


The Caterpillar

(Creepy, with no possibility of turning into a butterfly)


The Dictator

(Will all hairs please report to the middle of the lip?)


The Sparse Farce

(Time to face it. You can’t grow a mustache)

 

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Cracked 5 … April 10th, 2018


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Possible Reasons the Syrian Government is Killing Its Own People

A.  A unique approach to food shortages

 

B.  Chasing that record of six million Jews murdered by the Nazis

 

C.  “You always hurt the ones you love”

 

D.  SYRIA-OUSLY insane

 

E.  Expiration date coming up soon on poison gas cannisters

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Ask Jonathots… October 27th, 2016

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Is there any such thing as a good war, a necessary war or a productive war?

I am always frightened of pat answers.

I’m talking about those responses given which attempt to be clever or cover a multitude of opinions in order to please everybody. We know that life doesn’t work that way. Actually, truth is a poison ivy that leaves everyone scratching.

So when you talk about war, it’s easy to take familiar stances.

For instance, “war is fine as long as we’re protecting the innocent.” The problem, of course is, who is really innocent?

And most people who decide to go to war tout that they’re doing it to “shelter the needy,” but have ulterior motives.

There are those who say war is necessary to promote our way of life. In other words, “these people are going to do what’s right or we’ll kill them.”

And there are people who contend that war is acceptable when we, ourselves, are attacked. Then the question comes, at what level? Are we talking about a bombing of our whole country, or an aggressive move toward one of our ships?

The truth of the matter is, war is so wrong that it must be won by people who know it’s evil.

If we begin to believe that there’s a righteous war, or our cause is anointed by the heavens and we’re allowed to enact violence, then we become the latest plague on the planet.

  • War is wrong because it kills people.
  • Killing people is against life.
  • God is a promoter of life.

So what should we feel about war?

I think many wars are avoided by choosing our skirmish.

In other words, if we step in early enough and rip the bad seed out of the ground, the ugly cactus of conflict doesn’t have to pop up in the desert.

If we use diplomacy, a show of force and a line in the sand that we really do follow through on, we have a much better chance of avoiding a death toll and devastation.

Should the United States have become involved in World War II earlier? Yes–the U. S. should have stepped in when Hitler decided to annex part of Austria–long before he took over Poland, all of Europe and bombed the hell out of England.

We should have noticed the political upheaval in Viet Nam and addressed it with the tools available–a show of force and diplomacy–instead of sending human bodies to shoot at human bodies.

War is not inevitable. More often than not, it’s a refusal and a denial of existing problems, hoping they will go away, only to discover that they multiply.

For instance, in a marriage, long before there’s a divorce, there are a thousand junctures where communication and conversation could have changed the outcome.

War is caused by delay.

Delay is triggered by politics.

And politics is the notion that by pretending everything is good, we will get elected.

Choose the skirmish.

Avoid the war.

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Jonathan’s Latest Book Release!

PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant

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Cracked 5 … April 5th, 2016

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History As Remembered in the Mind of a Millennial

A. Abraham Lincoln won World War II and freed the slaves from the Eiffel Tower, where they were held hostage by Hitler and the Ku Klux Klan.

 

B. The Beatles came with the British Invasion, causing Benjamin Franklin to write the Declaration of Independence, which ushered in the Grammy Awards.

 

C. When the Viets attacked, Richard Nixon opened the Watergate to drown the Nams and save Woodstock.

 

D. The Pilgrims brought turkeys from their boat to feed the starving Indians at the Plymouth Rock Festival.

 

E. Two guys built an airplane and they did it so well that people called them the “Right Brothers.”

Plymouth Rock Festival

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G-Poppers… October 9th, 2015

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The mystery of history.

G-Pop wanted to tell all of his children about the theme of the human journey which never changes, even though we may feel overwhelmed by present circumstances.

History has a song.

It has been sung since the beginning of time and will continue to be performed until people are no more. If you understand this, then you will not be so prone to join the detractors and the fearful souls who select a dreary path of doom and gloom.

Kingdoms will rise, idiots will rule but life has a way of dispelling the stupid.

Sometimes it takes a year.

Occasionally it may take a generation.

But eventually, all bad ideas are toted away to the garbage dump, where they rot with their ridiculous predecessors.

So to understand the mystery of history, you must recognize what causes ideas to be faulty, falling by the wayside. If you don’t, you will listen to the newscast and be convinced that the present dictator, the threatening illness or the terrorist with a bomb will soon be at your doorstep to take away your life.

There are four warning signs for those who are ignorant of history and think they will be able to contradict it by being assholes:

1. Arrogance.

When you see it, run. Any group of people who believes they are better than other people will eventually be proven to be inferior. They may stomp; they may shout. They may fire cannons into the air. But arrogance is always punished, because the accompanying ignorance prohibits it from learning a better way.

2. Stealing freedom.

Yes, any individual or government that believes it can limit the freewill choice of human beings in order to promote righteousness or some other purpose ends up being overthrown because of its overgrown sense of importance.

3. Controlling.

There is no such thing as you having the keys to my life. You may think you do, but eventually the need to control overwhelms the dictator with too much responsibility, and he or she falls in disgrace.

If God is not going to control our lives, what makes you think that He would allow anyone else to do it?

There is no doubt about the fate of those who manipulate others. The only question is, how quickly will it happen?

4. Apathy.

The pseudo-intellectuals who believe they establish their intelligence by pooh-poohing simple ideas as being childish and meaningless, as they sit by and do nothing are eventually knocked off their pedestals by the blowing of a new spiritual wind.

You don’t get anywhere in life by being cynical. If you’re against the possibility of humans improving and growing just because you want to appear worldly and jaded, then you will be replaced by those who possess childlike faith.

  • Napoleon was gone in 18 years.
  • Hitler lasted 13.
  • The Soviet Union survived about 70 years, and that’s only because World War II gave us a worse demon to chase.
  • Al Qaeda can become ISIS, or destroy under the name of the Taliban, but all monsters end up chewing off their own legs and bleeding out.
  • And China, in its present state, is struggling with oppression and the effects of attempting to squeeze people.

Do I need to mention all the people in history who believed in their misguided causes, and for a season, strutted across the stage, only to end up discarded after intermission?

The mystery of history is this:

Arrogant, freedom-stealing, controlling and apathetic people seem powerful … until the Spirit of Hope blows them away.

 

 

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G-Poppers … September 4th, 2015

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G-Pop sat quietly in his chair, checking his emails on his I-Pad, as two of his grandkids were perched nearby, surfing the channels for something to watch on the television.

For some reason, the girl, the older of the two, paused on the History Channel, which was showing a special on Hitler and the Third Reich.

The younger boy asked the girl, “Who’s that?”

“Hitler,” she replied.

“Who’s he?” he asked.

“A monster.” She then turned the channel and they were on to more entertaining possibilities.

G-Pop wondered if he should say something. Yet it really wasn’t what they refer to as a “teaching moment.” The kids were obviously seeking diversion, not instruction.

But he realized that most people do think of Hitler as a monster. After all, it’s too frightening to consider that he was just a human being who got trapped in a “monster idea.” Unfortunately, the monster idea is still trouncing around while Hitler is long in his grave. What is the “monster idea?”

It’s a 2-part conclusion which always ends up in some form of treachery: “I am better. We are the best.”

When the notion that “I am better than other people” links up with followers or advocates to form a mob mentality of dominance, somebody is going to get hurt.

Maybe it won’t be six million Jews. Maybe it’ll just be six people disincluded from our party because of their color, nationality or preferences.

But the monster still roams the hillsides, seeking to kill off the innocent.

Until this is addressed, we will insist that our form of nationalism is nothing like what was promoted by the Nazis. We will allow politicians to openly condemn entire races of people in the name of protecting our national security.

We will even extol the piety of a woman refusing to do her job because she feels that she is better than those who have come to receive their rightful privilege.

  • Right and wrong is ultimately determined in the heavens.
  • Humility or arrogance is our choice.
  • And those who choose arrogance in the name of right are always wrong.
  • And those who choose humility in the presence of wrong will historically be judged right.

It’s as simple as that.

There are no monster people…just people who are following a monster idea.

 

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