Cracked 5 … July 4th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

Ways to Have an Acceptable Covid-19 July 4th Celebration

1. Set fire to all your clothing that has been exposed to the virus and stand around the bonfire singing, “This Is My Country.”

 

2. Sparklers in the back yard—six feet apart.

 

3. Eat. Yes, eating is still legal.

 

4. Avoid watching “Independence Day,” since it’s an attack by an alien presence.

 

5. Walk to the corner and back, and upon returning cleanse yourself with a garden hose. Perhaps you could make it a family “hose-down.”

 

Cracked 5 … June 27th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

Ideas Being Considered to Replace Football This Fall

1. Start a war, wear jerseys, keep score (televised)

 

2. Duck shooting from Clint Eastwood’s back porch (jerseys, scoring and televised)

 

3. Reruns of last year’s games—but dramatically change the endings

 

4. Watch the local feed for your church service and bet on sinners (jerseys and scoring)

 

5. Wife Swapping U.S.A. (no jerseys, televised and scoring)

 

3 Things … June 25th, 2020

That God Remarks to the Angels Every Day About Us

 

1. “They sure like to talk.”

 

2. “Why do they all want to be so different from each other?”

 

3. “Prayers? Hymns? Bible classes? No one gets Me.”

1 Thing You Can Do That Leads to a Second Thing

DO IT

Recently I met a young man in his mid-twenties, and when I asked him how his romantic life was going, he said, “Not very well at all.”

So I probed. “What seems to be the problem?”

“No problem,” he replied.

“I’m just holding out for the right one.”

I retorted, “You know, you could do some wrong ones while you’re waiting for the right one.”

He didn’t think I was funny.

Maybe you don’t either.

Maybe you’re one of those kinds of people who plans, organizes and prays to a weary deity, hoping that one day your ship will come in, your pot of gold will appear at the end of the rainbow, or your dream will be fulfilled.

You do realize why they make movies about people who have such miracles happen.

They’re unusual.

Most of us never end up with exactly what we envisioned

But if we have any kind of creativity, inspiration or even sense of humor, we make it work.

But we can’t do that unless we’re out there doing something instead of constantly delaying.

If the chance of you being successful the first time you do anything is small, you might as well prepare for a second or third attempt at it—especially since forgiveness is so available for those who will humbly ask.

I, for one, have grown weary of waiting.

I do not think we have to be stuck with a government that is non-functioning.

Nor that two political parties afford us sufficient choices to run that government.

Also, God is not keen on doing my job for me—living my life.

I would rather go out and do something, learn from it and have a chance to try again than spend my whole life sitting around, trying to be patient, and never having the opportunity come my way.

  • If you’re going to practice, do it in front of an audience.
  • If you’re going to pray, do it under your breath while you’re working.
  • And if you’re looking for love, it sure as hell wouldn’t hurt you to start being lovable.

 

3 Things … June 11th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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That That Will Still Be Here in 200 Years

1. Failure (if human beings remain)

 

2. Compassion (if human beings possess wisdom)

 

3. Humor (if human beings post their follies)

Scrambles … June 9th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Take a few minutes and unscramble this week’s inspirational thought from the words provided:

 

clowns.

in

led

march

Don’t

by

parade

a

P. S.  Find the unscrambled answer in today’s jonathotsjr.com

Cracked 5 … May 2nd, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Cracked 5

The Best “Last Words” You Can Say Before You Die

A.  “The treasure map is in the…”

 

B.  “You have always had really bad breath. All of you.”

 

C.  “I am coming back as a tarantula. Check your shoes and toilet seat…”

 

D. “I want to say something personal. You bored the hell out of me.”

 

E. “Finally. No diet plan.”

 

 

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