Sit Down Comedy … January 17th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4292)

Sit Down Comedy

There are many ways to win the immediate approval of an audience.

You can:

  • Compliment their city.
  • Tell them how beautiful they look.
  • Inform them you have two children, but parenting seems to “escape you.”
  • Say “God bless America.”
  • Make sure they know you support the troops.
  • Tell them how much you love your wife, and you know that she’s “the boss.”
  • And of course, you can always call them exceptional.

Or you can say “America is exceptional.”

Most of these methods work real well because they feed on a common misconception: We’re happier when someone panders to us. Actually, in the long run we’re happier when someone alerts us to our obvious flaws.

I, for one, have no problem saying that America is exceptional as long as we determine the definition of “exceptional.” At the heart of the word is another word, which is “except.”

Except means to leave something out, to delete or to rid yourself of it—making sure it is not attached to you in any way, shape or form.

Exceptional is when you live around “crazy” but insist on removing that temptation from your mission.

To be exceptional, you have to accept what needs to be excepted.

If you don’t, you just end up being mediocre.

I agree that America has flirted with being exceptional. There have been times when we have made a stand as a nation—against barbarism, fanaticism and bigotry.

Then again, there are times when we stood in line to imitate the insanity of the world around us.

But let us presume that we actually want to be exceptional.

Then we must realize that we can only have freedom of speech when those words do not attack the freedom of another.

We can worship—but we have no right whatsoever to hate people. We must decide that hating people, disincluding people and despising people has no religious profundity.

If we’re going to be exceptional, we have to state loud and clear that it’s okay to be a politician—except you can’t lie.

You can be a parent–except you can’t be a hypocrite.

You can be a man–except you can’t hurt women.

You can be a woman–except you can’t hate men.

You can be in business–except you can’t cheat your customers or fail to take care of your employees.

If we truly want to be an exceptional nation, we must accept what we have to except from our conduct.

You can be a leader, except you must not act like a master.

You can be intelligent, except you must use it and therefore prove it.

Let’s work on being exceptional.

Let’s find out what is causing this world to be so uncertain and filled with tribulation and use our good cheer to overcome that imbalance by being the exception, and therefore becoming exceptional.

Truly, may the exception prove the rule.

Sit Down Comedy … January 10th, 2020

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4285)

Sit Down Comedy

About a week ago I woke up grumpy.

I don’t do it often, but every once in a while I set aside the time, just to stay in practice.

Usually during these grumpy mornings I am well out of my mood by the time I enter into the actual work of the day. But on this particular occasion, I languished in my self-pity and remained grumpy well past the noon hour.

When I finally emerged from my dark cloud, a thought came to my mind. I realized that I had luxuriated in my vice of “cranky,” never considering that if my reaction—my temperament—were multiplied by eight billion, we would be in a helluva lot of trouble.

What would happen if the entire world woke up grumpy?

Certainly by nightfall—and I do not exaggerate—we would be involved in a thermonuclear war. We would blow everybody’s ass to Kingdom Come for daring to be grumpy on the morning we had reserved for the privilege.

Think about it.

We’re always so critical of life—and even one another—yet fortunately, we don’t all decide to go nutzoid at the same time.

There’s always someone who, when the idea of bungy jumping comes up, frowns and expresses some negative points that eventually bring the room to sense, which prevents us from jumping off a bridge head-first, at the mercy of an exaggerated rubber band.

Moving on from grumpy…

How about hungry?

If every person in the world woke up hungry—all eight billion of us—we’d have a situation.

Because the truth is, everyone in the world does wake up hungry. But fortunately, most of them don’t complain because all they have for their bagel is unflavored cream cheese. If the whole world woke up hungry and fussy over the choices provided, by nightfall the entire face of this planet would be overrun in terrorism.

How about horny?

Would we be dealing with rape and incest, not to mention a proliferation of babies conceived that we might not be prepared for?

Just simply this: if everybody in the world—all eight billion souls—decided next Tuesday to wake up sleepy (as I oft contend to be) how many airplane crashes would there be?

It is fortunate—even divinely inspired—that the human race does not destroy itself merely by sharing common vices at exactly the same moment.

Can you imagine four hundred people going to the DMV on Magnolia Street on the same day, who all arrive in a murderous rage?

It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, “Yield to Oncoming Traffic.”

Don’t you find this significant?

Stop—let this change your life.

We are not alone. If we were alone, we would find a way to line up our bad attitudes in agreement, point them at one another and destroy all that we are.

In the midst of every grumpy, hungry, horny and sleepy human gathering, there are some souls who have have chosen to wake up

…kind.

Yay-yay!

Sometimes it’s a choice. There are special occasions when the pillow is exceptionally soft, and the mercy of a good night’s sleep turns us almost angelic.

But every single day, if four billion people wake up nasty, then, in order to balance things out, we are required to have four billion waking up kind.

And these kind people provide three essential gifts:

  1. They water down the hate so it’s not so poisonous.
  2. They spice up the boredom, so it doesn’t cause us to have a cranial meltdown.
  3. And they sweeten the disposition, so we do not aggravate one another.

The world is not without hope.

Every day, it is basically a numbers game.

Cracked 5 … December 21st, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4265)

Cracked 5

Other Explanations for Noises “Up on the Housetop”

 

A.  Huge Babylonian rats in your attic

 

B.  Your son has crawled out a window and is smoking crack next to the chimney

 

C.  Shingles falling off because you were too cheap to do repair

 

D.  Frozen squirrels falling from the trees and bouncing off before smacking the ground

 

E.  Another amateur landing by Old Red Nose

Cracked 5 … November 9th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4223)

Cracked 5

You Know You Are Poor When…

A. You go to the mark-down bins at the Dollar Store

 

B. You hope someone forgets a bag of groceries at the checkout so you can grab it, run to give it to them but instead, take it to your car and speed away

 

C. You wonder if you can reuse your toothpaste

 

D. You feed the dry skin from your elbows to your pet hamster

 

E. You tell your children that serial killers travel in ice cream trucks

 

Donate Button

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation for this inspirational opportunity 

 

3 Things … September 26th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4179)

That Will Always Be Hilarious

1. Making fun of your own weaknesses

 

2. Being the butt of the joke without acting like an ass

 

3. Giggling at people who can’t do the first two

 

Donate Button

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation for this inspirational opportunity

1 Thing You Can Do to Expand Your Potential and Increase Your Value

 

Cease to be a problem and become a reward.

Nobody is birthed to be successful nor is anyone born cursed.

The blessing lies in what voices we listen to and the ones we reject. This starts from the time we’re tiny toddlers, all through the educational system and even when we eventually arrive at our occupation.

The choice is yours—are you going to be a problem?

Every human being becomes a problem to every other human being if they do not curtail worry and fear. The minute you allow worry to find a home inside you and fear to stall you, you make yourself weak in moments when strength is needed and require your family and friends to carry your load.

This is how we evaluate our peers.

Are they able to come into a situation, figure out what to do, initiate the process and survive the setbacks?

There are only two things that keep us from achieving that status:

Worry becoming overwhelmed with anxiety before taking inventory of possibilities.

Fearlacking the self-confidence and energy of faith by surmising that the same benefits that came to us in previous predicaments are still available.

Once worry and fear enter the heart of any human being, he or she is incapacitated from carrying their own portion and must rely on the patience and generosity of others.

If this is the selection you make—either because you grew up in an environment where it was acceptable, have taken on a religion that believes such weakness is dependence on God, or you are just terrified of every option that comes your way—well, if this is your profile, you will be a problem.

And here’s the truth:

When problems cannot be solved, they are first ignored and then they’re abandoned.

You can become a reward. You can be a gift to yourself and your fellow-travelers if you can substitute simplicity for worry and humor for fear.

Simplicity is worry that proclaims, “While we’re waiting for a better solution, let’s keep ourselves busy with this one.”

And humor is buying the time to allow circumstances to shift, reinforcements to arrive or a resolution.

When you bring simplicity and humor, you are considered a reward.

You save yourself mountains of frustration and you make other people glad that you’re in their lives, sharing the burden.

Much of worry and fear is taught—which is good.

Because if you can learn the wrong, you can relearn the right.

 

Donate ButtonThe producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly donation for this inspirational opportunity

 

Sit Down Comedy … July 5th, 2019

Jonathots Daily Blog

(4097)


It is not so much what as it is how.

Knowing what needs to be done may be insightful but discovering how to do it is the essence of wisdom.

In our time, the argument over what our problems are is quickly overthrown by a ferocious debate over how to address them.

I put this to the test.

While working on my latest novel, I came across a scene where two of my characters are embroiled in a disagreement. I sat down and wrote the entire passage with back-and-forth dialogue which was laced with animosity. At no time did I introduce foul language.

So the reader, after finishing this particular interchange, might well be alarmed by the severity of the debate—but certainly not frightened that the two souls involved were going to launch into anything other than aggravation.

Then I sat down and rewrote the scene, except in the midst of the fiery comments I inserted expletives, like “damn, shit, fuck and hell.”  As I moved along from line to line, I realized that the discussion had changed, and was now on the verge of violence. In other words, it would have been very easy to end with a murder.

The what was the same. The standoff was identical.

But how it was implemented changed it from a fussy situation to a dangerous dilemma.

In the pursuit of trying to get attention, gain influence and bring fame and fortune in our direction, we may be guilty of taking situations which could be handled more simply, and complicating them merely for the purpose of making ourselves look righteous.

Consider this:

Is it possible that an aging, well-seasoned politician who earned his stripes decades ago might not know to keep his hands to himself, and that instead of sexual assault, it just might be innocent ignorance?

Could it be that in trying to establish reasonable relationships with notorious dictators we could represent our willingness to sit down and prattle over the issues without jokingly referring to the two parties as being “in love?”

Might we possibly consider the myriad of problems that create gun violence rather than cursing all guns or insisting that the situation is just “the criminal mind?”

It may be admirable to know what a situation is, but it is divinely inspired to find the best way how to manage it.

I think this even goes into our relationships with government and faith.

Is it possible that what John Adams and George Washington considered to be of primary concern in 1790 might be better thought through by more educated souls in 2019?

And suffice it to say that a book that was written before Christ and some that were written after his birth might certainly do well to be mulled over and discussed in more detail before we decide on how to conduct our spirited decisions today.

Knowing what is good. But choosing how to solve it is better.

And of course, the best is knowing that the what and the how always have to be tempered by the why.


Donate Button

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this inspirational opportunity


Subscribe to Jonathan’s Weekly Podcast


 

%d bloggers like this: