Turning Kids Into Humans–Part 6: (9-12) Family Treasure … September 22, 2014

Jonathots Daily Blog

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Born again.

It is an enlightening concept which has been greatly damaged by cotton candy theology and judgmental junkies. But in its original context, it was an encouragement for realizing that in order for each of us to possess our lives, we must create some distance from the upbringing–and even the genetics–which brought us through our childish years.

I think the system is divinely inspired.

Parenting is a great winnowing process in which we not only impart to our children the values which have proven to be universal, but also prune away the things we were taught that are erroneous or flat-out wrong.

Do you see what I mean?

This gives the human race a chance to get better, just simply by recognizing what has failed to be effective.

The trouble comes when we’re not willing to be born again, and don’t allow ourselves to transform our training through adult discovery. When that happens, we rob ourselves of the maturity which could be acquired from training a kid who’s learning to become a human.

This especially shows up between the ages of nine to twelve. It is at this point that your little bundle of joy stops thinking of you as Super Man or Wonder Woman and begins to look for tattered places in your magical cape.

Most parents get defensive.

Some parents dismiss their children as being bratty or incorrigible simply because they are trying to reconcile what they are being taught with what they see.

This is why I suggest you construct a box and put it in the middle of the house, where everyone can access it. When you see your child do something good, immediately write it down on a piece of paper and place it in the box. When you see something and you’re not quite sure of your child’s intentions, also write that down in the form of a question, inquiring as to what the motivation was, and place that note in the box, too.

Once a week after dinner, sit down as a family, open up the box and read the notes.

Now, here’s the part you may not like: the child must be afforded the same opportunity.

But remember, the notes of praise should be statements and the inquiries must be formed as questions.

For example:

“I saw Brian fold the clothes in the laundry room without being asked. Thank you very much.”

Or, if it’s an inquiry:

“There were clothes to be folded in the laundry room, and I wanted to ask Brian why he grabbed his shirt and didn’t fold the other clothing?”

The dual purpose of this exercise is to make it clear that the entire house is being reborn into better ways to handle human relationships. It also teaches your child (and maybe yourself) how to handle a little bit of critique without pouting.

Even though your child is headed toward adolescence, he or she makes a brief stop-off between years of nine and twelve, when questioning begins. If this season is honored with answers and encouragement, then the lines of communication have a much better chance of staying open during the teenage years.

It is a family treasure box, where memories of good deeds are retained for celebration, and questions are discussed for everyone in the house to find an intelligent way to be born again.

 

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Why-ny… March 19, 2013

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• Why did this happen?
• Why didn’t God do something?
• Why me?

Common questions. Yes, common and permissible to ask–ONE time. If you persist in dribbling off these particular inquiries over and over again, you will soon be faced with a fourth “why”: why am I so alone?

Because even though we human beings are sympathetic about the above questions, after a very short time, our toleration disappears, and we look at people who continue to foster such aggravation as being “why-ny”–too many why’s.

It is a law of human nature–but I believe it is also a spiritual law. For a brief season we are allowed to reflect on our dilemmas IF at the end of that reflection we achieve a resolution. “Weeping endures for the night, but joy comes in the morning.” It is how we are hard-wired–and we are certainly not aided by anemic psychologists and theologians who insist that the above questions have no answers.

I am a very simple man with limited education, but I can assuredly tell you  the answer to each of the questions:

1.Why did this happen? It happened because we missed a warning sign. Maybe we ignored one. Maybe we were asleep at the wheel when the scenery told us that things were changing. But the true beauty of life is that things are evolving. And the true danger in life is that things are evolving. If you pay attention to the world around you, you usually end up escaping about seventy per cent of your difficulties.

2. Why didn’t God do something? This question only exists because we teach the ridiculous notion that “God has a plan for everybody’s life.” The Bible and all that’s sensible lets us know that human beings are free-will creatures. What God offers is a system called the natural order, which can be studied, learned and even manipulated, by the way, to our benefit. If you don’t want to study and you don’t want to learn, you will find yourself at the mercy of some aspect of these processes, lifting your hands to heaven, asking God to save you from your own lack of involvement. Once you understand that we are free-will creatures and that God has set in motion a magnificent universe of possibilities, then you will become a student instead of a victim and realize that God blesses by giving us wisdom.

3. Why me? It was your turn. I don’t know if you want to call it “luck” or refer to it as “time and chance,” but sometimes we are at the wrong place at the wrong time, which needs to happen to balance out the numerous occasions we celebrate being at the right place at the right time. Everybody takes their turn at the wheel. Sometimes that wheel is success and sometimes it’s adversity.

So how can we keep from being why-ny–constantly reliving our lamentations about the conditions in which we find ourselves? Here is a simple three-step process I recommend:

A. Love what is true. Don’t be afraid of the truth, even when it’s not favorable. It will swing around and STILL make you free.

B. Hope for something new. Never convince yourself that you’re stuck where you are–as long as you have enough talent to be multiplied by taking on fresh experiences.

C. Have faith in what you do. Trusting God is a good thing as long as you trust the part of God that’s in you, which is called your talent. God is unable to help anyone who thinks they are without resource. Keep doing what you do, even while you’re seeking for something new and loving what is true.

If you do this, you won’t find yourself “why-ny.”

If you don’t, be prepared to have lots of time on your hands to further commiserate … because no one will want to be around you.

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